The Doctor's Fake Nanny(48)

"How about formulas, mom? How often do I feed the baby? And vitamins?  Which one should I choose? There are so many options. How do I know  which one is the best?"

"You're working yourself up for no reason," her mom tried to calm her.  "Babies are born almost every day, and I'm sure the doctor will tell you  what to do. Now calm down and eat. You need to keep healthy for the  little one."

"Mom," Cassidy wailed, "I'll never be ready for this."                       
       
           



       

"No one is ever ready to be a mom, Cass. But your instincts will tell  you what is best for you and the baby. Just relax and enjoy the  experience. That's the best you can do."

Cassidy devoured all the books she could get her hands on. She took down  notes, indicating the schedule for vaccination shots and doctor's  visits. She never realized there were so many things to do for such  little creatures.

As her understanding increased every day, she realized just how much her  mom and dad must have gone through to raise her. She felt such  gratitude for everything they'd done. At least they had each other to  depend on. But she had no one. It was a depressing thought that she  struggled to shake off. Would Tristan make a good father? She couldn't  keep the thought away.

Against her will, her thoughts would wander to Tristan and how he was  doing. Was he surprised to find her gone? Did he even try to look for  her at the coffee shop? Did he know that she had gone back home? No, how  would he know that? He had sent her a couple of text messages but she  hadn't replied.

Stop it …  stop it, Cassidy, she admonished herself. That part of your  life is gone. You'll never see him again. Just thank your lucky stars  you managed to escape when you did.

The memories would often bring a sharp pain, but as time went by, she  thought less and less about the man she had learned to love but lost. A  liar is not to be trusted. First he'd kept the secret of his money. That  was bewildering and if she had asked he might have had a reason. Should  she have asked? It didn't matter now.

The real betrayal was the girls. It was bad enough that he lied by  keeping his addiction from her. But, despite the rational part of her  head, she felt a deep hurt. He had pretended that he cared about her.  Their time together had seemed so easy.

The biggest adjust for Cassidy had been getting used to his lifestyle.  Well, now she didn't have to worry about being scrutinized at polo  matches or anywhere else. She was Cassidy Johnson, take it or leave it.

In the weeks that followed, Cassidy hardly ventured out of the house  except to see her doctor who would monitor the baby's progress. Mom kept  insisting that exercise was good for her and good for the baby. Dad  found an old ski track exercise machine in the attic. He brought the  monster down and set it up in her room.

"If you don't go out, at least you can keep your heart in shape," he had  said, and Cassidy nearly burst into tears. Mom and dad cared about her  so much. She didn't know what she would do without them and their  unwavering support. The heart that still hurt from Tristan's betrayal  would heal in time. Now her first priority was to be as healthy as she  could for her baby. She added 30 minutes of skiing to her pre-natal  care.

The ultrasound the doctor administered indicated that she was having a  girl. For Cassidy, it was a bittersweet moment when she first held the  3D image of the growing baby inside her.

Her mom and dad were ecstatic to know the baby's gender. Upon her mom's  prodding, dad lugged down from the attic an old trunk which contained  some of Cassidy's baby clothes. Together they had fun going through some  of her baby stuff. It was like a trip down memory lane for the three of  them.

Dad came home one day with shopping bags overflowing with baby dresses.  He held up the tiny clothes one by one, so proud of the choices he'd  made.

"Dad, you shouldn't have!" Cassidy cried.

"Nonsense! No granddaughter of mine will look anything less than a princess."

Cassidy didn't have the heart to tell him that a monkey suit wasn't  exactly her idea of what a baby princess should be wearing. Mom had  taken to knitting little booties and mittens. Cassidy marveled how her  fingers worked the knitting needles so easily. She'd never learn that  skill; she was sure of that.

Mom also had a passion for gardening, one which she put aside when she  was diagnosed with cancer. From the time that Cassidy arrived, she had  taken it up again, transforming the once neglected backyard with lush  foliage and myriads of flowering shrubs. Cassidy found her there one  morning, with a straw hat on her head and a pair of cutting shears in  her hand.

"Those are beautiful," she remarked as mom moved from one shrub to the  next, inspecting the blooms carefully before cutting the stem off and  gathering the flowers in a basket.

"Beautiful just like you … " mom replied.

"Don't know about that …  I feel like such a cow. And I eat like one too," Cassidy disagreed.

"Don't be silly. You've hardly gained weight and should be eating more.  That baby is depending on you for nourishment, you know."

Cassidy reached for the basket of flowers and pressed her nose against them.                       
       
           



       

"He sent me a bouquet just like this the day after we met."

"Tristan, you mean? That was nice of him," Mom remarked calmly.

Cassidy immediately regretted saying the words. Lately, he would creep  into her mind uninvited and when she least expected it. She wasn't  having much success trying to forget him. She knew it was her burgeoning  tummy that was the cause. She also felt ugly and ungainly, and she  waddled like a duck. At thirty-nine weeks, the baby's arrival was  becoming more and more of a reality every day. The thought of raising  her alone frightened Cassidy. Tristan had given up calling and texting  her months earlier.

"Have you changed your mind about letting him know?"

"No!"

"Alright," mom answered softly, not wanting to rile her. "I just want you to know that dad and I will understand if you did."

"Should I, Mom? I mean …  after everything that I found out about him, should he even know about this?"

Her mother thought long and hard before answering, "Someday that baby will want to know. You can't keep it a secret forever."

"Yeah, I've thought about that, too. But knowing what he is makes me sick to my stomach."

"You know, Cass …  one thing I've learned about life is …  things are not always what they seem. You may be wrong about him."

Cassidy looked at her mom, aghast. She couldn't believe she was defending Tristan.

"Mom, I saw videos of him coming to the agency."

"Yeah, I know …  I'm just saying …  that's all you saw."

Mom was right, of course. Cassidy did make that conclusion. But what other possible explanation could there be?

"Besides, Mom …  he is so fucking - sorry - rich. I wouldn't know how to  find my way around his world. I'd always feel like I didn't belong  somehow."

"You make money sound like such a nuisance," Mom laughed. "He probably worked hard to get to where he is."

"We are worlds apart. Maybe that's the reason why I prefer to think he's  sick in some way. It makes it easier for me to accept things the way  they turned out for me."

Mom sighed and said, "Then you're not being fair to yourself or to that man either."

Later that night while laying in bed, Cassidy thought back to what her  mother had said. It bothered her to now think that she may have acted  hastily leaving New York, resigning her jobs and the life she had made  for herself. She could have waited for Tristan to come back and  confronted him about what she'd seen in the tapes. She could have given  him a chance to explain, but the succession of events hardly gave her  time to think clearly all those months ago.

To find out all in one day that you were pregnant and that your  boyfriend had a secret life you didn't know about, aside from him being  filthy rich, was just too much for any girl to take. Her reaction to  flee was instinct to protect herself from whatever else she would  discover about him.

Remembering Tristan's thoughtfulness and the way he humored her when she  didn't want to talk about his personal problems suddenly struck her.  Looking back, she hardly made any effort to let him know things about  herself, either. He accepted that part of her personality, hiding their  relationship from the guys at the coffee shop, dropping her off three  blocks away just so they would never find out. It annoyed him, but he  gave her that because it was what she wanted.