The Debt & the Doormat(31)

‘So, I haven’t had a chance to chat to you properly since we swapped lives. How are you finding it at the house?’ she asks while scanning the menu.

‘Oh, yeah great.’ I’m barely listening to her. I’m desperately craning my neck to see if he’s here.

‘And? Have you got to know the girls and Ryan better?’

‘Yeah. They’re great actually. Although Izzy’s on my case to shape up.’

‘I knew she would! She loves a challenge,’ she giggles.

‘Challenge? Well thanks! So have you seen anymore of lover boy?’

‘Actually, I have. And his name is Jake. You should meet him, his body is amazing, totally ripped. He’s taking me out again tomorrow.’

‘And, will he bring condoms this time?’ I whisper over the table.

‘Yes, thank-you Grandma. I learnt my lesson the first time.’

‘If you’d learnt it the first time I wouldn’t have had to do the same thing the first week of uni.’

‘Why do you always have to drag things up?’ She narrows her eyes at me.

‘I know, sorry. I’m turning into my mother, I just know it!’ I wail.

‘Never even joke about that!’

We collapse into giggles and can barely keep a straight face long enough to order our meals. The waiter looks frustrated as we attempt to pronounce the food. I’m sure right now he’s on the phone to the local loony bin, asking if anyone has escaped.

I fill in Jazz on bumping into Stuart and she’s naturally horrified. She also seems interested in why Ryan pretended to be my boyfriend.

‘I wonder why he did that?’ she asks, picking the nail varnish off her fingers.

‘Your guess is as good as mine,’ I say, feeling flushed.

Remember – you are just a joke to him. I quickly scan the room again. Where is he? We’re halfway through our meal now and I can’t see him anywhere.

‘Are you ok muffin? You seem kind of distracted.’

‘Do I?’ I say absentmindedly. Where the hell is he!? I knock back another glass of wine.

‘Yeah. Are you looking for someone?’

‘No! Of course not!’ I shriek. Perhaps a little dramatically.

‘Ok, calm down!’ She looks at me strangely.

‘Actually...If I tell you something do you promise not to tell anyone?’

Her eyes light up with intrigue. ‘Yeah of course.’

‘I mean no-one. Not a living soul.’

‘Yes! Just bloody tell me!’

‘Ok.’ I lean across the table and double check that no-one I know is in the restaurant.

I’m ready to confess to her my feelings for Ryan but as I open my mouth I chicken out. I can't tell her. She’s already warned me off him, telling me he’s a player. She’ll just get mad and tell me I’m making a mistake. The truth is maybe I want to make a mistake. A very delicious one. I desperately search for something else to say.

‘Richard’s wife is having an affair,’ I blurt out before I change my mind.

‘What? Annabel?’

‘Yep.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Of course I’m sure! I did this stake out with Cheryl from work and she’s cheating with her husband.’

‘Oh my God! I just...I just didn’t think she was the type, you know.’

‘Trust me, I know! I can't believe she’d betray him like that.’

‘I know! I thought they were the perfect couple.’

‘Me too! It's weird. So...do you think I should tell him?’

‘Who? Richard?’

God, she can be dense sometimes.

‘No. The tramp that lives in the park. Of course Richard!’

‘Ok! Jeez! Chill out.’

‘Well? I have to tell him don't I?’

‘Well, I wouldn’t,’ she says seriously.

‘You wouldn’t? Why not?’

‘Because it's their business. Their marriage. If you tell him he probably won't even believe you.’

‘Yeah, I did think of that actually.’

‘Trust me. Just forget it. Just pretend you never saw it.’

‘Maybe you’re right.’

‘I definitely am,’ she nods confidently.

* * *





After the dessert I realise I’m not going to see Ryan. I mean, what was I planning on doing anyway? Jumping into his arms and forcing him to want me? We sink another bottle of wine before we eventually get the bill. Fuck. £90! This having a social life thing is making me skint. I’m starting to realise how Jazz got herself in this mess to begin with.

We call a cab and Jazz drops me off outside the door.

‘Your half is eighteen pound,’ the taxi driver says to me.

‘She’ll give you a fiver and a blow job,’ Jazz announces before bursting into hysterics.

The cab driver looks back at her, horrified. I try to apologise, but all that comes out is a slur and a bit of dribble. I throw a twenty pound note at Jazz and stumble out.

When the fresh air hits me I realise that I’m quite drunk. My legs feel like jelly and it's actually a bit of an effort to even put one foot in front of the other. Come on Poppy, make it to the front door. I trip on the front door step and land on my knees. I laugh at myself. What a dunce. I turn to wave at Jazz who waves back, giggling like a lunatic as the cab pulls off.

Damn. I need to get up, but everything’s a bit spinny. Every time I try to clutch onto the door handle to pull myself up I seem to be slipping and falling hard on my arse again. And giggling. Ok, one more time. Grab the door handle and try and pull yourself up, you retard! I grab hold and am just raising myself up when the door gives way. I fall backwards onto the stained carpet, giggling.

I look up to see Ryan’s frowning forehead. I love those little wrinkles. I want to touch them.

‘Poppy, are you OK?’ he asks, looking very concerned.

‘Hmm, you’re pretty.’

Then everything goes black.

* * *





When I wake up I can barely open my eyes for the pain. That angry obese elf is back sitting on my head again, except this time he’s thumping it with a large brick. Breathe, just breathe! The pain will stop eventually. Either that or I will die.

I turn over to my side, squinting my eyes from the amount of effort I have to put into it. My stomach churns and makes me immediately wish I hadn’t. I must just freeze and not move again. I open my eyes when the feelings of nausea have started to calm down. Ryan’s face is on the pillow next to me.

What the hell is he doing here? I look around, very slowly, to see that I’m in my bedroom. I didn’t sleep walk in the middle of the night and crawl into his bed, thank God. But what is he doing here? Oh no. Please don't tell me we slept together? If I’ve slept with him and can’t remember it I’ll never be able to live with myself.

I try to sense my body. Am I dressed? But it all just feels numb. Numb apart from the crushing pain in my head. I daren’t look down. Moving my head is too much right now. I slowly move my hand under the duvet covers and feel around. My top is off but my bra is on. I reach down and thank God my jeans are still on. What the hell happened? Did we start making out and then I threw up on him? Please God, no.

I look at his peaceful angelic face. He’s like a dream when he’s sleeping. He stirs slightly and then slowly opens his eyes. I smile weakly but he looks a little freaked out. God, was I staring at him while he was sleeping? I must look like a loon.

‘Oh, sorry,’ I say, the words echoing through my brain. Keep v-e-r-y still Poppy.

‘Are you OK?’ he asks wrinkling his forehead. I must look a right mess. If I look even half as bad as I feel I must be like a dragon.

‘Yeah I’m OK,’ I whisper, my throat feeling like a group of teenagers have skateboarded down it. ‘But why are you here? We didn’t...you know?’

He bursts into loud laughing and my head rattles. OK, it’s not that funny.

‘No, you’re safe. I like my victims to be conscious.’

Well it’s nice that he seems to have some standards. But why is he shouting? Every word he says is hurting my eye sockets, as if he were punching me in the face.

‘You were just in such a state that I was scared to leave you in case you choked on your own vomit.’

I start a smile, thinking he’s joking, but then his serious expression tells me that he is in fact serious. Shit, how bad was I when I got home? I barely remember getting the bill.

‘Thanks,’ I say. I meant it to come out as sarcastic but it instead came out plain and un-interested.

He smiles kindly. God, he’s amazing.

My stomach suddenly feels very tight and I freeze completely, hoping that it will stop what I know is coming. I feel breathless, but I try to take a discreet deep breath. I don't want to exert myself. It only seems to make it worse. Shit, its coming. It’s coming now.

I jump out of bed, but the room is still spinning. I end up falling on my side. Shit, this is hard work. Maybe I’m still drunk. I get up again, holding onto the bedside table and run out of the door.

‘Poppy! Are you ok?’ Ryan calls behind me.

But I don’t answer him. I’m too busy running for the kitchen sink, sure there’s no way I’ll make it up to the bathroom. I reach it just in time and thank God it’s not filled with dirty dishes. I vomit so heavily and strongly that it’s like my body is possessed.

I flinch when I feel someone’s cold hands on my shoulders. I know that it’s Ryan, but I can’t turn and look at him. He grabs hold of my hair and holds it back for me as I continue to chuck my guts up, my whole body shaking from the motion.