The Debt & the Doormat(30)

‘Am I that predictable?’ I laugh, remembering Stuart’s cruel words.

‘No, trust me, you’re anything but predictable.’ He stares at me, serious for a second.

I blush heavily. What does he mean by that? Does he mean I’m a nightmare?

‘So anyway,’ I must change the subject. ‘You got the job! Tell me about it.’ I start picking peas out of my rice.

‘Well, it's with a firm called Swift and Taylor. I actually had a job offer from them before I went travelling.’

‘Really? And you still went travelling?’ I ask, wanting him to tell me his entire life story. From the day he was born, until now, not leaving out a single detail. ‘Did you just get bored of work or something?’

I spoon a bit of my korma onto my plate and manage to spill a bit on the carpet. I quickly cover it with my hand hoping he hasn’t noticed.

‘Yeah pretty much.’ He hands me a tea towel to clean up my mess.

Damn it.

‘Did you go with anyone?’ I ask wondering if he ever had a proper relationship. He seems to know everything about me and my past, but I know nothing about him.

‘Nope. Just me,’ he says, his voice shockingly vulnerable.

‘Really? And you liked it?’

‘It was unbelievable. Obviously, I wouldn’t recommend it for you; you’d probably end up being eaten by a shark or something, but I loved it.’

‘Ha ha!’ I slap him hard on his strong chest.

‘So then I came back here and I heard they were looking again.’

It’s funny how he’s not the complete layabout I first thought he was.

‘That's great. Do you get to say ‘I object’ and all that?’

‘No, it's a different kind of lawyer to that,’ he says amused. ‘I’m a family lawyer, so it's mainly divorces, child custody battles, the occasional domestic violence, that kind of thing.’

‘Oh,’ I say, disappointed. ‘That doesn’t sound too good.’

‘It's not as boring as you’d think. The firm is actually a really good one to get in with. They’re well known for being very good at promoting people internally.’

It always makes me want to laugh when people say ‘promoting people internally’. It just makes me think of the insides of people’s bodies.

‘No, I didn’t think it was boring. I just think it's a bit sad, that's all.’

‘Sad? Why?’ He frowns, seeming genuinely confused.

‘Well, seeing relationships break up every day. That must get you down, no?’

Note to self: don't talk with a mouth full of naan bread.

‘Not really,’ he shrugs. ‘It's just part of life isn’t it? You know, they say now that one in two couples will divorce.’

‘What? That's rubbish!’

‘Is it?’

‘Yes!’ I protest, waving my hands in the air. ‘How can you think that? Look at all the couples out there in love!’

‘I’m not saying they’re not in love. I’m just saying relationships never last.’

‘That's bullshit,’ I say, losing my temper slightly.

He looks taken back.

‘Really? Because you and Stuart ended so well?’

‘Don't talk about him!’ I say, my voice scored with hurt. ‘We obviously weren’t meant to be. I’m sure there’s someone out there for me.’

And I hope it's you.

‘Maybe. Maybe not.’

‘Oh my God! Don't say that, you’ll make a girl kill herself!’

‘Sorry,’ he laughs, leaning back. ‘I am trying to listen to you actually. You know, be a bit more optimistic.’

‘Really?’ I say, amazed that he’s listening to me.

I’ve had an effect on him! My God, if he only knew of the effect he’s currently having on me.

‘Yeah. In fact...I actually met someone.’

My face drops and I let out a tiny pathetic sound as if I’ve been kicked in the stomach. Met someone? I try to quickly compose myself and act casual, but it's hard when all you want to do is burst into tears.

‘Met someone? Who?’ I say through the ringing in my ears.

‘A woman in the office,’ he smiles.

Wow. So he’s met someone he likes. He doesn’t like me. Why did I even think that for a second?

‘Oh...great!’ I’m trying my best to sound pleased for him, but I want to run and hide under my duvet and listen to my Adele album.

‘Yeah. Normally I would have just brought her back here straight away, but all I could hear was you calling me a man whore.’ He gives a short laugh. ‘So instead I’m taking her out tomorrow.’

‘Oh.’

‘And it's all thanks to you. You calling me a man whore made me think maybe I should try and have a relationship again.’

What an idiot I am. I feel so stupid for even having a flicker of hope that he might find me remotely attractive. And even if I ever had a chance, it’s because of me that he’s planning to have a relationship with someone else. What is wrong with me?

But then, did he kind of lead me on? I just felt like there was something between us. I must just be so emotionally starved of affection that for someone to even show me the slightest bit of friendship I think they’re in love with me. What an imbecile.

‘That’s...great,’ I force myself to say.

‘I know. I’m taking her out tomorrow night,’ he beams.

‘Oh. Well my advice would be to wait...you know...to sleep with her.’

‘Really? Why?’ he asks puzzled, eyeing me suspiciously.

‘Oh yeah! There is really nothing sexier than a man that doesn’t want to have sex.’

‘Really?’ He scratches his head.

‘Oh totally! I don't care if she begs for it. Even if...if she threatens to sleep with another man. You just hold it back. She’ll want you all the more.’

‘And you’re sure this works for women?’

‘Oh yeah! Trust me. If you really like her then take my advice.’

‘Oh, ok. Well maybe I should.’ He smiles, but still seems suspicious.

I’m going straight to hell.





Chapter 11




Don't ask me how, but somehow yet again I’m on a power walk at 6 in the morning. It turns out Izzy can be very persuasive. Don't let that smiley persona get to you. Underneath that smile she’s an army Major. Not one to be messed with.

‘You’ll get better the more we go,’ she says to me as we enter the house.

‘More we go?’ I ask, hoping she isn’t going to make me do this again.

‘I thought we could make this a regular thing. Well, as long as I don't have client appointments.’ She walks towards the kitchen. ‘You know, like we talked about.’

‘Oh...do you think I need it?’ I follow her towards the sink, desperate for water.

‘Yes,’ she says bluntly. ‘Don't get me wrong, you’re tiny, but you just need to tighten up a bit.’ She crushes her hands together in a menacing way. ‘And remember what I said about giving up caffeine and sugar.’

‘Morning,’ Ryan says, making us both jump.

‘God, you scared us,’ Izzy says, as she stretches out her legs.

‘Morning,’ I say, conscious of my sweaty forehead. I avoid eye contact, the same humiliation from last night taking over my body.

‘So I probably won’t see you guys tonight. I’m at my Grandma’s today helping her with some gardening and then I’ll probably go straight from there to my date.’

‘Oh yeah, I forgot about your date,’ Izzy says. ‘You must like her. Normally you’d just bring her back here for a quick shag. Is she special?’ she teases.

‘Shut up,’ he snaps, rolling his eyes.

‘Going anywhere nice?’ I enquire, trying to sound casual.

‘Not sure yet,’ he says, blasé as usual.

As I pour myself a glass of water I notice a card for the new Italian restaurant Delanios round the corner on the worktop. Ah, so that's where he’s going.

* * *



‘Hello?’ Jazz croaks down the phone.

‘Hey Jazz, how are you?’

‘Jesus, what time is it?’

‘Early.’

‘It is Saturday right? I haven’t slept in for work?’

‘No, no, it's Saturday. How is work anyway?’

‘It’s OK, boring as fuck, but it’s work. I just can’t wait for my first pay cheque.’

‘Well, I’ve decided that I’m going to take you out tonight. Treat you for being so good and frugal.’

‘Oh my God – fab! Where do you wanna go?’ she squeals.

‘I was thinking Delanios.’

* * *





When we arrive at the restaurant that night I’m tingling with excitement. Obviously, if I were to bump into him I would say hi, but it's really not about him at all. I’m looking forward to catching up with Jazz and trying out the new food.

Plus, I look totally amazing, if I do say so myself. I’ve got on Jazz’s skin tight jeans, which I’m not sure are supposed to be this skin tight. I’ve got a black lacy top which actually manages to make my boobs look big. I’ve teamed it with killer black heels, sure that Jazz would moan if I didn’t and my makeup is done to perfection.

The short Italian waiter shows us to a small table in a corner. It’s quite dark, the only glow from the red tea lights which sit on each table. The walls are painted to look like we’re in the middle of an Italian market and there's a female singer in a red dress singing in the corner.