The Cowgirl's Little Secret(12)

She let out a snorting giggle-but then wondered what he wore to watch toons in. Did he still wear those fitted cotton boxers-the ones that cupped his butt and hugged his thighs the way she wanted to do? She licked her bottom lip before catching it between her teeth. When she glanced up, she almost recoiled from the look of stark hunger on Cord's face.

Pulling back, Cord rolled to an unsteady stand. After a moment, he regained his balance and turned to tend the fire before calling to CJ.

"Hey, bubba, 'bout time for s'mores, yeah?"

The boy whooped and ran toward them. When he slid to a stop, Cord steadied him away from the fire pit. "Why don't you come inside with me? You can wash your hands and then you can help me bring out the stuff."

"Okeydoke."

Left alone, Jolie inhaled deeply. Several times. She smoothed her hair back from her face with shaking hands. That had been way too close for comfort. She'd wanted to throw herself into Cord's arms, kiss him, be kissed by him. All the feelings she'd suppressed for so many years bubbled up and were within a hairbreadth of boiling out. That wouldn't do. Wouldn't do at all.

By the time Cord and CJ returned, she'd reined in her emotions, stilled her trembling hands and smoothed her expression to hide the turmoil-as much from herself as from Cord. She could not-would not-walk down this path again. Her heart wouldn't survive if he turned on her again. Their history taught her to be a realist, and reality dictated Cord would do exactly what Cyrus Barron demanded. Always.                       
       
           



       





Eight

Cord left CJ arguing with Miz Beth and Big John about whether Dusty, the ranch dog, could come into the house to sleep on the boy's bed. He refused to make a bet on who'd win that one. Instead, he walked Jolie out to her car, albeit with a great deal of reluctance. Her arm brushed against his and heat flashed through him. He heard her breath hitch and wondered if their casual contact had the same effect on her. He hoped so.

He held her elbow as they descended from the porch, and while he wanted to drag his feet, it was Jolie who slowed as they walked around her car to the driver's door. He reached around her to open it but didn't get the chance when she leaned up against the vehicle. Chuckling, he stepped back from her so as not to crowd.

"Something funny?"

He offered a crooked grin and was gratified when her eyes lit up and focused on his mouth. "Does this feel as awkward to you as it does to me?"

"Awkward?"

"Yeah. Like first-date awkward. You know. Should I kiss her? Do I have bad breath? What happens if we both tilt our heads the same way and we bump noses, or..." He paused to sigh dramatically. "What if we bump teeth?"

Jolie's laugh was rich and deep and sincere-exactly the effect he was hoping for. "Do guys really worry about all that?"

Cord nodded solemnly. "Absolutely. And let's not even talk about boners."

That elicited a peal of laughter. "Seriously?"

"Oh, hell, yeah. Talk about awkward! When you're sixteen, an erection is pretty much a given whenever you're around a pretty girl. Trying to kiss and hide your arousal takes far more coordination than most teenage boys can manage."

Her eyes danced with devilish lights. "What about grown-up men?"

"Wait. Isn't that an oxymoron?"

She lightly slapped his arm before her fingers trailed across his chest only to finally drop back to her side. "Are you telling me men never grow up?"

"Yup. 'Fraid so. When it comes to pretty women, men are perpetual sixteen-year-olds."

"Horrors."

Cord realized his fingers had curled into his palms in an effort to keep from touching Jolie. This teasing banter was familiar, natural, the way they used to be. As he watched, he saw her shiver. The wind carried a real chill now, and her short sleeves did little to keep her protected from its cold fingers. Without thinking, he reached for her and ran his hands up and down her goose-bumped arms to create some friction heat.

Jolie leaned into him, and he forced his feet to remain planted on the driveway. Every sinew in his body strained to step closer, to press against the length of her body and hold her close. Just when he thought he'd lose the battle, she did the unthinkable. She stepped to him, her arms circling his waist. He gathered her close and buried his nose in her soft hair, inhaling the scent of mimosa and warm spring days. His heart thudded, and he could feel hers softly echo even through the flannel shirt he wore. Cord was afraid to speak, afraid of breaking the tentative connection humming between them. He felt her smile against his chest.

"Awkward," she mumbled, and chuckled, even as she pressed closer to his arousal.

He laughed. "Aah...perpetually sixteen. What can I say?" He sobered a moment later and whispered into her hair, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For tonight. For dinner. For letting CJ stay the weekend." There was so much more he wanted to tell her, to thank her for. Mainly for carrying his child-when it would have been so easy not to-for raising him to be the funny, bright, amazing kid who was at that very moment convincing Miz Beth to let a shaggy, flea-infested ranch mongrel not only into her spotless house, but into bed with him. But Cord couldn't put all those feelings into words. Not yet.

When Jolie leaned back and raised her face, she stared at him for a long time, her eyes searching his expression. The moment she closed her eyes, he knew. She was waiting for his kiss. Brushing his lips across hers, he tightened his arms, and then let her go. Her eyelids popped open and she regarded him with puzzlement. Cord smoothed his thumb along the ridge of her cheekbone before catching a stray strand of hair and tucking it behind her ear.                       
       
           



       

I missed you. I want you. I need you. The words tumbled in his mind. He searched for his anger, his sense of betrayal, but her nearness overwhelmed those emotions. He never did have any sense of preservation where Jolie was concerned. If he truly was the son his old man wanted, he'd be plotting revenge simply because that was what Barrons did. But he couldn't-not the way Cyrus would. He wanted Jolie. He wanted his son. And he'd have them even if he had to play a little dirty to get them.

He wouldn't voice those hidden feelings out loud. Jolie would run for the hills if he did. It was too soon. He knew that, and if his plan had any hope of working, he had to keep those thoughts to himself.

"What?" The word feathered across his skin as Jolie exhaled.

"Hmm?" He was suddenly lost in her gaze.

"What are you thinking?"

He blinked and straightened, focusing on the here and now. A laugh escaped before he could swallow it. "Yeah, no. I'm not going there."

"What are you afraid of?"

Cord hid the cringe twisting his muscles. This conversation reminded him far too much of the games he played with his brothers. It always started with that question and quickly devolved into "I dare you" followed by "I double dare you." Those challenges never ended well. One or more brothers ended up at the ER and the rest whipped and grounded for life.

What was he afraid of? Simple answer-never seeing Jolie and CJ again. Of being stupid and messing things up-again-so that she left. Of spending the rest of his life without her, alone.

"More than you realize, sunshine." He pulled her closer and rested his forehead against hers. "More than you could know."

Her arms slipped back around his waist and she hooked her thumbs in his belt loops. "I wish you'd talk to me."

"I wish I could."

His honesty startled her into growing still, though her curiosity wouldn't let things stay that way. "You know, Cord, it's pretty easy. You just open your mouth and words come out."

"Easy for you to say." His wry chuckle disguised the tremor threatening his voice.

Jolie sighed and dropped her hands in preparation of pulling away from him. He tightened the arm around her waist and kissed her forehead before stepping back. "I would like to talk, Jolie. We sort of got off on the wrong foot."

The huff of angry air she blew out was just as expressive as her frustrated sigh moments ago. "Look, I know you want me to apologize-"

He held up his hands, cutting her off. "No. It's too late for that." Even in the dark, under the reddish glow of mercury vapor security lights, he could see her color rise. He backed up and half turned away as he tunneled fingers through his unruly hair. "Don't, Jolie."

Cord actually heard her jaw snap shut. Jamming his hands into his hip pockets, he stared up at the moon. Out here, away from city lights, the Oklahoma sky was a swathe of black satin dotted with diamonds while the giant pearl of a moon hung from a chain of clouds. Resisting the urge to sigh as loudly as she had, he watched her from the corner of his eye.

"This isn't easy for either of us. Yes, I'm still mad. And hurt. But you got hurt, too." He held up a hand to stay her arguments. "Just listen, okay? You're the one who wanted me to talk."