The Commitment(24)

I took in a breath and held it, my mind so conflicted. If I was being truthful, it did excite me, but only because it was Drake. I could never imagine being forced by anyone I didn't love the way I loved Drake, and it would only be because I would want to feel his desire for me, his need for me as something completely distinct from my own desires. It's what I wanted him to do but which he never had.

"Yes."

He nodded. "I'm safe. You can try things with me that you could only fantasize about. If I do the things that scare you, you can experience them without being hurt or truly scared. Role-playing is fun, especially when I know it will push your buttons." He slid his hand between my legs. "And it’s your sweet little tasty little buttons I want to push, and eat, and suck…"

I tried, but couldn't stop thinking about Dawn, especially after my texts with her earlier.

"I'm meeting with Dawn later to try to sort things with her."

He closed his eyes and exhaled. "Kate…" When he opened his eyes, I could see frustration in them and disapproval in the tightness to his mouth. "Why? You're wasting your time and hers, and probably messing things up between us." He snuggled me more closely, his face inches from mine, his expression earnest.

"Kate, you have to make a choice between your own happiness and pleasing others. Are you going to try things that excite and fulfill you or are you going to settle with less in order to please the people who don't really matter? Whatever you want, Kate, whatever you need, I want to give to you."

"I want you. I want you to do what you think I need, whatever that is. You've been right so far."

Then he kissed me, his kiss soft. "Thank you for admitting that. Don't waste your life trying to live to please others. Do what makes you happy," he said and sighed. "Life's too short. People die."

I nodded, thinking of my mother and his father. Drake's brother. He kissed me again.

"Think of a scenario that arouses you. I'll do whatever it takes to make it happen the way you want, the way you fantasize."

This was all making me feel very conflicted, I tried to change the subject. "What do you fantasize about?"

"Kate of a million questions." He shook his head and cupped my cheek, stroking my skin with a thumb. "I fantasize about you letting me fuck you any way I want, any time I want, anywhere I want and making you cry out my name in pleasure." He smiled and kissed me, his fingers threading through my hair. "Right now, I want you to stop with the questions and let me fuck you, Katherine..."

I bit my lip and tried to fall into submissive mode, leaving behind the eager but conflicted student mode I was in.

We didn't have any of his bondage gear at my father's place. He had yet to really bind me the way I saw in his photo album and for a moment, I wondered when he'd start. That was the bad submissive in me and so I tried to shut her up and let him take me where he wanted me to go.

He kissed me deeply and insistently, pulling my clothes off, and then his own, spreading my thighs and rubbing himself all over me. Despite all my conflicting feelings, the talk of various mock rape scenarios had me very wet and swollen and it took barely two minutes of him thrusting to bring on my first orgasm.

He smothered my cries of pleasure with his kiss.





CHAPTER SEVEN





After dinner with my dad and Elaine, I left Drake and took my father's limo to the café near Harlem General where Dawn was waiting, my stomach filled with butterflies, my throat choked. Drake wanted to drive me there on his way to an impromptu jam session with his band, which he arranged when he knew I'd be busy, but if Dawn saw him, it would ruin the attempt to make peace.

The limo pulled up and when I saw Dawn sitting alone at a table in the window, a cup of coffee in her hand, a rush of regret flooded through me. I knew she'd never understand, but maybe she could accept. Maybe she could ignore and we could focus on other things – Africa, her job, and other things we had in common.

I hoped.

I got out of the limo and entered the café, stopping at the counter to get a decaf and joined her.

"Kate," she said. "You look under the weather."

I did, bags under my eyes from bad sleep. "It's the Malarone. It makes me feel a bit sick, like I'm getting the flu. I'm almost ODing on Tylenol."

She shook her head. "You hated Africa, yet you're going back there with him? What else is he making you do that you hate, Kate?"

I sighed. Maybe Drake was right. She might never be able to understand.

"Dawn, I don't want to hate Africa. I want to know it, understand it, and help. I'm sick of hating it. Going there and seeing the good things instead of the bad will help me overcome my bad experience."