The Commitment(20)

I tried to imagine Drake in a classroom, sitting beside the impeccably dressed Lara and a stab of jealousy went through me.

"When I realized Drake wasn’t a sub," she said, continuing. "I thought Drake was like me – a Dom with a bit of sadism in him, so after his marriage broke up, he contacted me and told me what happened. I told him he was a Dom and that he had to learn how to top a submissive. He became my submissive so I could teach him."

"So you tied him up and spanked him?"

"Oh, yes. And a lot more."

"What do you mean, a lot more?"

"Exactly what I said. Everything that Drake does to you? I've done to him. Bondage. Discipline."

I screwed up my face, thinking of his desire for anal. "Did you use a…" I hesitated.

"A strap on?" Lara said, amusement in her voice. "I did. He had to learn how to do anal properly. He and I have done everything, Kate. So you don't have to worry. I know Drake Morgan and he is not a sadist."

I felt white hot jealousy fill me to think of Lara with Drake, but I tried to squelch that by repeating to myself that they were both Dominants and so could never satisfy each other.

"Did you ever do," I said, biting my bottom lip. "Vanilla sex?"

"We had a go when we were first taking classes together but didn't mesh," she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice. "Don't be jealous. I don't do Vanilla as a rule, although Drake does. He's very mild, which was why I paired you with him. Don't get me wrong – there was a part of me that wished he was a sub, because if so, I would have grabbed onto him and not let go. But I knew he was Dominant. I just wasn't sure where he fell in the S&M spectrum."

"You exposed him to pain to see if he liked it? Did you hurt him?"

"Yes, but it did nothing for him sexually. I also tried him out with a few women who liked pain to see if he liked to give it. Sunita was one of the ones I fixed him up with. It didn’t end well."

I swallowed, a sense of darkness settling over me. "Tell me what happened."

"She wanted Drake. He didn’t want her. It's that simple." She took a slurp of her coffee. "He didn’t get off on what she needed. She was jealous when he moved on and she raised a stink, stalking him a bit. He tried really hard to humor her but he met a sub that he clicked with and Sunita was not happy. I did my best to find her a new Dom and finally, she gave up, but she was always angry with him for not trying to make it work. She thought he could do it. Or, she convinced herself that he was denying his inner sadist."

"So he tried with her? He did do some painful things?"

"Yes. Floggers. Canes. Riding crops. Nipple clamps. That kind of thing. She has pictures of her bruises and video of them playing together, but you can't tell for sure it's him. Drake was very careful about that, given his position. She wanted to get into knife play and edge play, but for Drake as a surgeon, that would be betraying his oath. If he had done anything like that, she could have really fucked him up with the College of Physicians and Surgeons if she wanted. But it would have exposed her as well and so, thankfully, she didn't do anything. I found her someone who was more in sync with her needs, but I think she felt embarrassed that he found her too kinky."

I tried to imagine Drake using a cane with Sunita. Flogging her until she was bruised. I tried to understand why someone would want to be cut and to have a knife as part of their sex play. I didn't understand it, but I did understand how the forbidden and slightly dangerous was appealing sexually. Edge play was just taking it to the extreme.

"I'm glad he never did any edge play."

"It could have ruined his career if anyone found out that he cut someone as part of sex play. A surgeon? He knew he had to end it with her when she brought it up."

"It's a good thing he did. He's meant to be a surgeon. He's amazing."

"Drake is amazing. I thought when I met you that first time that the two of you were a pair. He likes his subs younger, petite, and pretty. And since you were a grad student, I figured you'd be smart enough for him, if things developed. I'm so glad they did. Tell Drake what you need, Kate. He understands, and believe me, he wants to give you every thing you need. It's his thing. Besides, he's in love with you, Kate. He'd do anything for you."

"He's been really good at explaining everything about the lifestyle and D/s, but I'm still not sure how much of a submissive I am."

"Drake's the one to help you learn. Trust him. Tell him what you need. It's so important for a Dominant to know what his submissive is feeling and thinking. Perfect honesty and openness. That's the beauty of BDSM – we have unique needs and we're notorious for spelling everything out, in detail, and agreeing to it. Many lovers thrash around in the darkness, afraid to be honest with their lovers about their needs and what they like. Or they don't have a clue what they really like. Those of us in the lifestyle are open. We know what we need."