The Billionaire Boss's Innocent Bride(29)

He sprawled back in his chair and watched her intently. 'How so?'

Alex spread her hands, then sipped her wine, and wished heartily she   hadn't brought it up. She also remembered she never got away with not   answering his questions.

She studied the canapés intently, then shook her head. 'Uh … because you   hadn't been able to persuade her to marry you but you still loved her?'

The silence that followed as her words died away was almost complete. It   had stopped raining but the gutters were still dripping; it was still   grey and overcast outside although the storm had passed over.

'I could have married her. It was what she wanted in the end, funnily enough.'

Alex spluttered on another sip of wine. 'I-I don't understand,' she whispered.

'Don't you?' He heaved a sudden sigh. 'I can't blame you. I didn't   understand myself until it was too late. But I discovered I couldn't   marry anyone-unless it was you.'

Alex went white with shock. And the sea-green blouse made her tawny hazel eyes look more green and darker against her pallor.

'But-' she licked her lips '-you went out of your way to distance   yourself. You made sure there could be no delusions for me. You-'

'Alex,' he intervened, 'I convinced myself I wasn't for you. I did know   that it would have been all too easy to drown my sorrows, my burdens in   you-' He broke off and shook his head.

Her lips formed a perfect O.

'Don't look so surprised. I did kiss you.'

'I know,' she breathed, 'but that was heat-of-the-moment stuff. That was   probably gratitude and affection that got a little out of hand, that's   all.'

He smiled dryly. 'It wasn't, and it wasn't the first time I'd thought of   you in that way either. Oh-' he grimaced '-I told myself the same  thing  then. I also told myself-' He stopped and got up and came round  her  side of the table. He pulled out a chair, turned it and sat down  facing  her. 'Alex, I kissed you because I couldn't help myself, but  then I knew  I had to end it before you got seriously hurt. That's why I  did what I  did. I didn't know,' he said intensely, 'how I was going to  handle Cathy  and Nicky, most particularly Nicky, without marrying  Cathy and somehow  trying to make a go of it. I didn't know then,' he  added barely audibly,

'how, once you were gone, I was going to feel.'

'How did you feel?'

He sat forward with his hands on his knees. 'I woke up one morning and   thought-if I don't ever see her smile at me again, suddenly and when I'm   least expecting it, my life's not going to be worth living.'

Alex looked astonished.

'It took me by surprise too,' he said ruefully. 'It also opened the   floodgates. I think I recalled with perfect clarity just about every   word you ever said to me. I remembered the couple of times I'd held you   in my arms, and, not only the lovely feel of you, but every time I   remembered them, I got worried in case you were having panic attacks and   I wasn't there to help you.

'I couldn't walk into the green room in Brisbane without picturing you;   same for the pink room here, same for the barbecue and the den. Mrs   Mills asked me what to do with the clothes you'd left behind. I told her   to leave them where they were-I sometimes went in and looked at them.'   He lifted his shoulders. 'Every time I touched the first outfit you  wore  to the cocktail party, I thought of your legs-

although, actually, it was your eyes that got me in first.'

Alex blinked.

'Remember the first interview?'

She nodded.                       
       
           



       

'When I asked you to take off your glasses? That's what changed my mind   about you, Alex, those beautiful eyes. They exerted a strange power  over  me then and have done so ever since. So-' he sat back and folded  his  arms '-after working things out so neatly, like distancing myself  from  you, like organizing things to help you over it, what should  happen?'

He let a beat go by, then answered his question with obvious irony. 'I   couldn't get you out of my mind. I was restless and edgy-someone   actually called me a difficult, dangerous bastard to my face-but not   over the things everyone thought I was restless and edgy about.' He   shrugged. 'I was lonely, so damn lonely.'

Their gazes locked and Alex felt a tremor of hope run through her, but there were still questions on her mind.

'But … but Cathy,' she said, then couldn't go on.

'Cathy was at a low ebb when she suggested we get married. Not only was   her mother a real prop-and losing her father before she was born had to   contribute to that-but, unlike you, it was Cathy's first close-up  brush  with mortality. I think all of that made her rethink things like  our  core differences and convince herself we could overcome them  and-and  made her try to rekindle the spark.'

Alex's eyes widened.

'It didn't work,' he said. 'And she worked out why.'

Alex looked a question at him.

'Yes, you,' he replied. 'Cathy's no fool. She was also-gallant. She said   how fortunate it was someone Nicky seemed to love. And she's been very   generous over the practicalities of bringing up Nicky. She's moved to   Brisbane-I know it's to her advantage as well, but it means I won't  have  to fly to Perth for school sports days, birthdays and so on.'

'I hope she finds someone,' Alex said.

'Yes. And Nicky, well, he may question things when he gets older, but he   seems to love me and he seems to trust me now. We got to do a lot of   things together before the accident, and even after it he brought me   jigsaw puzzles and books and we took up model-making. He even offered me   Nemo for company when he couldn't be there.'

'I wish I'd known,' Alex said involuntarily. 'About the accident.'

He sat forward again. 'I nearly sent for you so many times but I was   gripped by all sorts of doubts. Would I ever be able to walk again? Was I   the right person for you, anyway? Had it been a fleeting crush?   According to Mr Li you were doing just fine.'

'I wondered about that,' she murmured.

'If I was keeping tabs on you? I was.' He looked grim for a moment. 'If I   was expecting to hear you'd gone into a decline, that wasn't the news I   got. But … ' he paused ' … Alex, my biggest doubt the more I thought about   it was-even if it had happened for you, you hadn't wanted to fall in   love with me.' He frowned. 'I know circumstances made it a highly   questionable thing to do at the time, but-was there more to it?'

A deep tremor ran through Alex, a feeling of having been understood that   was extraordinarily precious. 'Yes. After my parents and my Mother   Superior died I couldn't bring myself to get too close to anyone. So I   was petrified over what I felt for you. Even up until yesterday, I think   the last remnants of that fear made me say the things I did, but   afterwards I realized I was only thinking of me, and that was cowardly.'

She saw him take an uneven breath.

'Yesterday,' he said, 'my worst nightmare seemed to come true. That it was all over for you.'

'Yesterday I didn't know what I know now,' she said quietly. 'Yesterday,   and so many yesterdays, have been like a living nightmare, without   you.'

He stared into her eyes as if he couldn't quite believe his ears. 'Are you very sure, Alex?'

'Quite sure, although I do have one last concern,' she said gravely.

'What?'

She smiled unexpectedly. 'You seem to be able to keep your hands off me with the greatest of ease.'

She saw the little flare of shock in his eyes, then they changed and   this time, when he said it, it was with love and laughter. 'If only you   knew … ' Before he swept her into his arms.

'Comfortable?'

'Yes.' They'd moved to the den and they'd brought the wine and canapés   with them. They had their arms wrapped around each other and Alex had   just been deeply and most satisfyingly kissed. 'Oh, yes.' She moved her   cheek on his shoulder, then, 'Tell me something-why yesterday?'                       
       
           



       

'It was my birthday. It suddenly seemed a matter of incredible urgency   to find out if my life could be made worth living again or … ' He shook   his head.

'Happy birthday for yesterday,' she said softly, 'but will today do for the first day of the rest of our lives?'

He rubbed his chin on the top of her head. 'Yes, oh, yes. When will you marry me?

Damn.'

She looked up and laughed into his eyes. 'Damn what?'

'I'm not fit to be married for six weeks.' He looked thoroughly annoyed with himself.

'Never mind. Perhaps these things should be taken slowly anyway.'

He cupped her cheek. 'Promise me one thing?'

'Of course. What?'

'Tell me if ever I'm going too fast for you.'