The Bad Boy Wants Me(76)

I pause the video, my face moving closer to the computer screen.

Wow! He looks like a stranger.

I hit pause again and the video resumes playing. Cash continues walking towards the host. They shake hands and the guy shows him to a plush armchair.

‘Cash Hunter, ladies and gentlemen,’ the host repeats.

The camera pans to the audience who are all on their feet clapping and cheering. There are a few wolf whistles and Cash smiles and nods towards them.

‘Welcome,’ the host says.

‘Thank you. It’s always good to be in Germany. I love the autobahn.’

‘Ah, you like having no speed limit while you are driving?’

‘Absolutely.’

‘So this is a new look for you?’ the host comments, his hand waving down Cash’s body.

‘You gotta look sharp. Take care of those shoes,’ Cash drawls, and the audience erupts into cheering and clapping.

‘So,’ the host says, ‘some people are comparing you to Prince, Bob Dylan and Lou Reed. They say the songs you have written for your new album are nothing short of genius.’

‘I’ll take the comparisons, but there is only one Prince, one Bob Dylan, and one Lou Reed. I grew up listening to their music. They were some of my idols, but maybe one day someone will say there will be only one Cash Hunter.’ He smiles.

‘Before you started on your solo career you were with one of the most successful bands, Alkaline. Why did you leave? Was it the music? Did you guys fall out?’

Cash shrugs casually. ‘I was with the band for close to eight years. That’s a long time in this business. It was time to try something new. As someone once told me, “Don’t wait any more, reach for the stars, Cash.” So I did.’

Oh, my God. I can’t believe it. He remembered what I told him on the roof. He actually used me to inspire him to write his own music. I feel a rush of happiness that in some small way I helped his career.

‘But this is a departure from the kind of music you were making with the band,’ the host prompts.

Cash laughs. ‘Yeah it is.’

‘That was boyband music.’

‘It was pretty bad, wasn’t it?

The host waggles his head as if to agree without agreeing. ‘What does it feel like to be writing and singing this kind of deep stuff compared to the light pop that you were making before?’

‘I was fifteen when I started in the music business. What could I really write about? I didn’t understand anything. I hadn’t lived yet. I had to figure out who I was. When the band broke up I went into my studio and wrote the songs that I really wanted to write, the kind of music that touched my soul. The way I felt hopefully came out in the album. It’s a mixture of the kind of music I grew up listening to and loved.’

The host brings out a CD and opens the jewel case. ‘So I have your new single here,’ he says showing the cover to the audience. The CD has a picture of a woman’s naked chest. Her long blonde hair covers her breasts.

‘Of course, not all songs are autobiographical, but judging from the two titles of your songs, She Passed Like A Cloud and I’d Like to Know How You Feel, it would seem these are love songs. Want to tell us who she is?’

Cash’s jaw tightens.

The host senses his reaction. ‘This is a very sexy cover. Who’s the blondie? Do you know her personally?’

‘Sure. She’s a model.’

‘Can I have her number?’ he guffaws.

Cash smiles. ‘You sure you can handle her?’

The host is still laughing as he reaches under his desk and produces a guitar. ‘How about a little song for us?’ he asks. The audience erupts into a roar of applause. He lays the guitar on his thigh and plucks experimentally at the strings. ‘She Passed Like a Cloud is written around a cord progression that is very similar to the ones the Beatles used, isn’t it?’

‘Yeah.’

He passes the guitar to Cash and he plays it and sings.

I stop breathing. His voice, the words, the music. It is hauntingly beautiful.

The host shakes his head in awe. ‘You are the new star. Yeah, I think, yeah. You will see that in the next few years you will become bigger than ever.’

Cash shrugs modestly. ‘Thank you.’

‘No, I promise you. You are destined for big things. I saw you perform live once and it was great. You are not just a great composer, but you are also a good singer, a fantastic guitarist and a great dancer as well. The show was exhilarating.’

Cash smiles. ‘Welllll, I’m not one to brag, but …’

The host points at Cash. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, Cash Hunter.’

The video ends there and I think about the way his jaw had tightened. Did Cash think of me sometimes? Was I the girl who passed like a cloud? Then I think of the blonde girl on the CD cover. He said he knew her. What if he’s slept with her? Oh my God, I can’t believe I’ve let myself go down this path. I switch off my laptop and lie in the darkness. Somehow. Somehow I’ve got to find a way to heal myself.