The Bad Boy Wants Me(73)

‘He knows where I am, but he doesn’t want anything to do with me, and I can’t say I blame him. I should have told him.’ I pause. ‘Anyway, he’s moved on. It’s not like he’s lacking in female company.’

‘I find that hard to believe.’

A bark of bitter laughter passes my lips. ‘They mentioned him on the six o’clock news. He was caught driving under the influence and … and … he was getting a blowjob in his car.’

My aunt frowns. ‘Oh dear. Still, you can’t believe everything you see on the media. A lot of this stuff is just … fluff and scandal to sell more newspapers and boost viewing figures.’

‘I don’t know what to do. I can’t believe I have messed up this bad. It’s so painful I can’t bear it. I can’t stop thinking about him. At night I lay awake for hours, tossing and turning, and when I finally fall asleep I dream of him. Everything reminds me of him.’

‘I know you are hurting now, but you are young and you will get over him.’

I shake my head. ‘No, I won’t. I’ve loved him for as long as I can remember, Aunt Claire. Nothing I’ve ever done has changed that. I’ve tried having other boyfriends, I tried cold turkey and I’ve tried this latest fiasco, and in the end I just fall deeper in love with him,’ I sob.

‘Oh, darling. What you need to do is leave England, at least for a while. Activity and change. That’s what is going to knock him out of your mind. Why don’t you take that trip you planned to Europe, hmmm? Isn’t Leah just waiting for you to say the word?’

‘Yes, but the idea of backpacking through Europe has completely lost its appeal. I can’t even bring myself to think of going to the corner shop let alone all around Europe. I’ll just be miserable there instead of here.’

‘No, you won’t. When you’re on the move and seeing new things every day you won’t have much opportunity to mope around feeling sorry for yourself. Trust me. It’s the best thing for you.’

I lean my cheek on my knees and look at my aunt. ‘What if I go and I’m still miserable and I just end up spoiling poor Leah’s holiday?’

‘Honey, you have more chances of winning the lottery than spoiling Leah’s holiday. If I’m reading Leah right, she’ll drag you right over this slump and bring you out on the side of the living.’

I smile weakly.

‘So it’s decided then. You’ll both go on your holiday. She’s coming over tomorrow so we might as well do a bit of shopping today to get you everything you need for your holiday.’

My jaw drops. ‘Leah is arriving tomorrow?’

My aunt nods. ‘Be grateful for everything you have, Tori. Because you have a lot. Far more than most people. You have a big family who love you to death and you have Leah who’ll do anything for you.’

‘She didn’t say she was coming and I thought she wanted to save a bit more money for at least the next two months.’

‘I lent her the money.’

I look at her in amazement. ‘You did?’

‘It was worth it to get your cute little butt out of my way,’ she says with a smile.



My aunt and I go to the airport to meet Leah. She doesn’t say a word. Just envelops me in a big, silent hug and lets me cry my guts out. Never once does she say, ‘I told you so.’

Afterwards, bless her, she takes total charge. She is like a whirlwind. In two days we are in St Pancras International. As we pass a newsstand I see the screaming headlines in one of the tabloids.

Alkaline break up.

I can’t help but read the subtitle.

Sources close to Cash Hunter say that he is the reason the band is dissolving. He wants to pursue a solo career in music.

Then, before I know it, I am sitting on the high-speed train to Paris. I stare out of the window. Cash Hunter is leaving. He’s going to pursue his dream of making the kind of music he wants, and I won’t be there to see it.

I feel my heart sigh deeply. It’s over. The party’s truly over. I’ve drawn the line in the sand. I’m hurt and shattered and I am filled with regret for the things I did, but I don’t regret coming to England. I don’t regret meeting Cash, loving him, giving my body to him.

If I had my time over I would make the same decision again today, only the execution would be different. I would tell him the truth on the first day. I’d say. ‘Wow, do you know, Cash Hunter, I’m your biggest fan?’ Who knows what he’d say. One thing for sure it’d be crude and funny. Maybe I’d laugh. Maybe we’d have dinner. Maybe …

Maybe my aunt is right. One day I will forget. One day I will stop being so crazy over him. I will glue all the broken pieces of my heart together and I’ll find someone else. In the glass I see my reflection. My face is pale and my eyes red-rimmed and blotchy.