The Arrangement Anthology 2(83)

“You did. I’m in a bad spot.” I go into how Black wants to make me a madam and that I owe her a ton of money. I explain why I don’t want Sean to pay the debt and that Black paid my hospital bills. “I’m appalled to say the idea of being a madam isn’t horrifying.” I’m gripping my hands in my lap, twisting them until they burn.

Marty is sitting on the floor across from me with his back to the wall. “There’s only one question to ask yourself—do you want to do it?” I shrug. “It sounds better than being a call girl. How long will it take you to pay back Black if you say yes?”

“I don’t know. Not long, I suppose. Much faster than if I kept working as a hooker.”

“It sounds like you want the job, so take it.”

“It’s immoral, Marty!” My jaw drops at how quickly he urges me to take the job.

“Who cares? It’ll give you the life you wanted and besides, it’s not like you’re little miss wholesome right now anyway. You’re a whore. A madam is a step up.” I gasp when he says those last words. It feels like he’s punched me in the stomach. “Avery, don’t be like that.”

“Like what? Human? Marty!” I make a noise in the back of my throat and jump to my feet. Marty doesn’t get up. He sits there with his long legs extended, and crossed at the ankle. I pace back and forth like an elephant, pounding my feet on the floor.

“Avery, it’s what you are. You need to be proud of it, otherwise it’ll eat away at you until you can’t stand to look in the mirror anymore. Does Black have ethical issues with her job? With preying on poor college girls? No, she doesn’t. If you want that life, you have to not give a shit. It’s money. It’s your body. Be proud or quit. You can’t be a prude and be a whore. The dichotomy will drive you insane.”

I stop pacing and point two fingers at my head. “Hello! What do you think is going on here? I hate this!”

“Then quit. Let Ferro pay your bill and blow him off.”

This is why I came here. Marty is so practical that he comes across rather heartless at times. Looking down at him, I finally confess, “Sean proposed.”

“So, there are strings on that money. So? Say yes and then leave him.”

I shake my head and lean back against the wall, standing next to the spot where Marty sits. “I don’t want to leave him.” I slide down the wall until Marty and I are sitting hip to hip.

He’s quiet for a while. “Where’s your ring?”

“I gave it back.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t know what I want. He’s dark, Marty. I’m sick of living like that. I’ve been mourning too long. I spent more time in the graveyard than a Goth kid. I just want to live again, but I don’t know how. Sean pulls me backwards.”

“I remember you saying the opposite. Actually, I know you said it—he makes you forget your grief and pain. It all fades away when fairy Sean sprinkles his pixie dust on you and graces you with his magical presence.” Marty wiggles his fingers when he says pixie dust and uses a mocking voice that sounds a lot like mine.

“I did say that, and with most things it’s true.”

“But—” he prompts when I don’t reply. But, I can’t answer. It’d be cruel. The guy has a crush on me and to talk about having sex with another guy is just wrong. Before I can reply, he says, “Ah, the beast with two backs. Yeah, that’ll be weird to talk about it.”

“English Lit final?”

“Yeah. Shakespeare was a bit of a perv. Anyway, back to your problem—work it out.”

“Gee, thanks. Why didn’t I think of that?” I roll my eyes as Marty shoulders me.

“You can be such a dumbass, you know that?”

“What? Me?”

“Yes, you. If you don’t like the way things are going with freak-o in the sack, tell him. Good lovers are made, not born. If you don’t talk about it with him, how is he supposed to know?”

“He does know. I thought it was a good thing to compromise, but I can’t keep doing the things he likes.” I stare into space remembering the box. I clutch my knees into my chest and hold onto my ankles as tightly as I can. “He scares me sometimes, Marty.”

For a long time, no one talks. We just sit there in comfortable silence. Marty finally speaks, “Your husband should be your best friend—he shouldn’t scare you. I’m all for you being happy, Avery, but it sounds like he’s a dipshit. Actually, I know he is.”

I’m biting my upper lip, thinking. “So you think I should take the job with Black and leave Sean?”