The Arrangement Anthology 2(76)

Our gazes lock as I speak, and those last few words cut him, but it’s true and he needs to hear it. I say it as gently as I know how, but kid gloves won’t help right now. He needs to hear the truth. “Sean, I know you don’t think of yourself as a weak person, but with this, you are. Cowering, and disguising who you are and what you think, isn’t living—it’s hiding.”

Sean stands abruptly. His hands tense at his sides and his lungs fill with air quickly, like he wants to scream. But Sean swallows it back down and strides across the room, away from me. Before I can say another word, Sean disappears through the door without looking back.





CHAPTER 6



I remain in the stripper’s dressing room until Mel finds me. I’m lying on a bench with my arm over my face. Mel starts chattering the instant she sees me. “That man has some seriously oversized ovaries. Can you say PMS? He barked at anyone and everyone before shoving his way outside.”

Moving my arm, I glance at her. “Tell me you’re talking about Trystan.”

“Hey! Don’t you go dissin’ my man. Me and Crème Brule are going to be the perfect couple, get married, and have lots of perfect babies. You wait and see.” Mel’s voice has that teasing tone. She has a serious crush on Trystan, which means she won’t go after him. She’s like Sean with things like that. Anyone she actually cares about, she keeps at arm’s length—except me.

I sit up and swing my legs to the floor. “Does he know you call him that?”

“What? Like he’d be offended. It’s the perfect dessert, all rich and white.” She giggles and then slaps her hand over her mouth. “Uh, you didn’t see that.”

I roll my eyes. “You are so mental. If you like him, ask him out.”

“He’s a rock star, Avery. You don’t just walk up to the guy and say, ‘hey, you wanna go out with me?’ Plus, Miss Black will kill me.”

“Miss Black wants to kill you anyway. And you should do what you want. Life’s too short.” I feel a dazed look settle on my face—the one I have when my mind starts to wade through dark thoughts. My mind is a goddamn swamp. No matter which direction I turn, there’s more dark sludge. It’s everywhere.

“So, why’d Mr. Pampered-Ass run?”

I look over at her with a sheepish grin. “I told him he was a coward.”

Mel’s jaw drops. “Holy shit on toast! You did not!”

“I did. He asked what I wanted and I told him—I want him to stop running from himself.”

“Psh, if that’s not the blind leading the blind, I don’t know what is.”

“It is not.”

“It is so. You’re gonna lead that boy right off a cliff. Avery, you don’t even have your own shit together. How can you ask him to do that when you can’t?”

I puff up, offended. “I can so!”

“Avery girl, I love you, but you can’t see past your tits on this. You cower and hide from life the same way he does. How you choose to manifest that fear is different and more socially acceptable, but you’re both in the flame out stage. You’re no better than him.”

It feels like she punched me in the stomach. I raise my voice and wag a finger in her face. “You don’t know shit about this, okay. You don’t know Sean or what he’s done. We’re not the same.”

“Yeah, that’s where you’re wrong. You’re both candy-coated crazy people. You seem all sweet on the outside, but once you get past that outer shell, you’re both a fucking mess. If you can’t admit that, I don’t know if we can be friends. It’s one of the only things we have in common.” She smiles at me. “Avery, you have to know that about yourself. Are you seriously sitting there, telling me that you had no fucking clue?”

Am I really that messed up? I thought I was healing. My hackles lower a little bit and I admit, “It’s not intentional.”

“Of course not, and that’s the point. It’s a defense mechanism—you can’t turn it off. If you tried, you’d have nothing to shield yourself with. You just told Wonderbread that he’s a coward for leaving his defenses up. The man’s been through some serious shit.”

“And you’re defending him…”

“If that’s your main issue with the guy, yeah.”

“He put some call girl in South Oaks.”

“Did he light her on fire or fuck her?” I glance at her like she’s crazy. “Uh, Avery, call girls are there to be screwed. If she didn’t want him to do her, she shouldn’t have taken the job. If he lit her on fire or buried her alive to listen to her scream, then I’d be more concerned.”