The Arrangement Anthology 2(188)

Sean will never forgive me for this.

I’ve destroyed any chance of a future we could have had, but I know Sean will be safe. That’s worth it. He’ll walk away from all of this. He’ll live. Sean will go back to his life in California and make another billion bucks. He’ll look back at this time with me as a plague that tormented him. He’ll never be the same, but at least he’ll live, which is more than I can say about me.

There’s still no way for me to get out of this mess without a body bag.





CHAPTER 9





Sean doesn’t speak to me after that. We walk on in silence, and I’m the only one who has wet cheeks. The tears keep falling even though I wish they wouldn’t. A fake pregnancy and pretend engagement lie ahead of me. I’ll jump through the hoops and hope that I can figure something out so I can find my brother before Trystan gets hurt. I can’t let anything happen to him either. He’s been through enough.

“You’re thinking about him.” Sean’s voice pulls me from my thoughts and the guilty look on my face is the only answer he needs. “You should have told me. I thought he was attracted to you--I know he is--I just didn’t realize it went both ways.”

Lie. Avery, you can't tell him it was an accident. You can’t tell him you aren’t sure what happened that night, the little voice in my head wails. This is torture. I walk faster, pressing my feet against the sand harder and lengthening my stride.

“It does. When you noticed, I felt bad, so I denied it--but we’d already slept together by then.” My jaw tightens as I spit out the words.

“So I was right, and Trystan meant it when he said he’d steal you from me. I’m sorry.”

“What?” I nearly trip over my feet. Sean catches me by the elbow and turns me toward him. “Why would you say that? You have nothing to be sorry about. I was the one who--” Sean places a finger over my lips as he stares into my eyes.

“I did this. I broke you, neglected you, and pushed you to your limits. When you needed me the most, I threw you together with Trystan. He loves you, Avery. I know you’ll be happy together. He can give you everything I can’t.” Sean’s hands linger on my face. He trails his finger along my cheek and pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. I pull away from him, horrified.

“I cheated on you. You didn’t make me do it, and I sure as hell didn’t slip and fall on his dick! Sean, take this for what it is--the end.”

A couple of old people turn toward me while I yell. The old woman has on a sunhat and her lips twitch when I swear. Her eyes are gray, and her skin is wrinkled with age. She leans into her man-friend and whispers something. A moment later, she walks up to Sean, leans in and whispers something. I can’t hear a word. Sean looks at her as if she said something absurd. The old woman waggles her pointer finger at him as she walks away.

“Don’t forget what I said,” she calls with a wink as she turns back to the older man and takes his hand.

That could have been us--old and happy. It’s a future we’ll never have. I shake the thought from my mind as curiosity takes hold.

“What’d she say?”

“Gibberish, nothing more,” Sean says, shaking his head.

I go to grab his arm and stop myself. Sean looks at his arm, at the place I want to touch him. His dark eyes lift and meet mine.

“Sean, won't you tell me?” It feels petty. I just ripped apart his soul, and I’m asking to know what a stranger said in passing. The truth is, he doesn’t have to tell me anything anymore. That’s what I want, right? To push him away? To keep him safe?

I stop pressing him and lower my gaze. Things have to change. The arrangement is no longer the same. There will never be a ring or a wedding, not with Sean Ferro. The shared secrets will fade like a snowflake on the pad of my finger. I’ll remember how he felt, and the shape of his face, but soon those memories will fade, too.

I have no right to ask anything anymore. The thought leaves a path of loneliness in its wake. I wrap my arms around my middle and take a deep breath. Glancing up at him, I force a smile.

“Sorry.” It’s such a small word, but it means so much.

I’m sorry things ended this way.

I’m sorry I brought so much pain into your life.

I’m sorry death is following me and casting its shadow over you.

I’m sorry things can’t be the way we want.

I’m sorry I can’t find another way to leave you behind.

I’m sorry I hurt you.

I’m so, so sorry.

He watches me for a moment, his blue eyes slowly searching my face before meeting my gaze. The look lingers, and every regret I have about us plays across his face. It’s like he knows how I feel and how much I wish this didn’t have to happen.