The Arrangement Anthology 1(136)

No, no, no!

“Avery, I’m not gay.”

I expected him to say he had feelings for me, that he’s madly in love with me or something like that. I stare at him slack-jawed. “What?”

He won’t look at me. “It wasn’t supposed to happen this way—”

“What are you talking about?”

His brown eyes flick up and meet mine. “When I first met you, you were kind of intense. Every guy that tried to get near you…” He makes an aggravated sound in the back of his throat and runs his fingers through his hair, tugging hard. “No one could get near you. When you assumed I was gay, I didn’t correct you.”

I start laughing. “You’re really funny. There’s no way in hell you would have pretended to be gay to be friends with me.” I punch his arm lightly and smile at him, like this is all a big joke, but Marty doesn’t smile back.

“Actually, that’s exactly what I did.” Marty is looking at his shoe. He flicks his eyes up for half a second and what I see sends a chill down my spine.

I step away from him, shaking my head. “You wouldn’t lie to me, not like that—not about that.”

Marty steps towards me and hesitates. “I wanted to know you. I heard you talking to Mel and saw you around and—”

“You lied to me?”

“I never said I was gay.” The worry in his eyes kills me, but I can’t believe he did this. I can’t fathom why he kept this charade going for all this time. Everyone thinks he’s gay. The depth of the deceit is unfathomable.

“But you lied to me. You let me think it. You didn’t say Hey, I’m straight and correct me. Damn it, Marty!” Anger bursts through my veins. I pump my fists at my sides, trying to reign in my temper. I don’t want to lose him, but this is unacceptable. He’s been lying to me. He’s seen me and held me in ways he shouldn’t have.

“How could you!” I rush at him and slam my palms into his chest. “How could lie to me!”

I do it again. Marty won’t look at me, but all the people walking across the quad stop to watch. When I push him a third time, he snaps out of it. Marty grabs my wrists and blocks me. He pushes me away. “I was lonely like you, okay. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but you’re not the only one alone here, Avery. We got along, you made me laugh, and I thought you liked to have me around. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. Every time I tried, something came up. I didn’t mean to mislead you. It was never supposed to get like this.”

“Like what? Like one of my best friends stabbed me in the back? Like one of my best friends has been lying to me all this time. Damn it Marty! What am I supposed to do with this?”

“There’s something else.”

I hold up my index finger and shake it back and forth in front of his face. “Don’t say it. Never say it.”

He looks down at me. “There’s only one way forward. I have to tell you—”

“Don’t say it—”

“I love you.” I make a crazy sound and spin around and stomp my foot. Marty follows me, explaining, “I’m madly in love with my best friend. I can’t help it. I can’t stop it. I watch you in silence. I say nothing, but I can’t do it anymore. You like these guys who don’t give a shit about you. You’re making a mistake.”

Hysterical laughter bubbles up my throat. “I’m making a mistake? Me? Really, that’s how you want to play this.” I want to say more, but I can’t. I can’t burn this bridge. Tears sting my eyes. I can’t let it go. “What did you think would happen when I found out? Did you think I’d just overlook it? That was one of the biggest secrets you had and you told me. I told you things about me because of that. I let you in because you trusted me with your fake fucking secret.”

I press my eyes closed and suck in a slow breath. When I look up, Marty is watching me. He looks terrified, but I can’t help him. I can’t gloss over it like nothing happened. My fists tighten at my sides. I know how this will end. I’m an idiot. All my friends lied to me. They let me believe whatever I wanted. I didn’t know them at all.

I’ve been quiet too long. The crowd watching us disperses. Marty finally speaks. “Avery, say something.”

Grief weighs heavily on me, crushing my shoulders and souring my stomach. “There’s nothing to say.” I walk away without another word. Marty stands in the quad with his hands at his sides. He doesn’t follow. He doesn’t beg for my forgiveness.





CHAPTER 10





By the time I’m back at the dorm, I’m fuming. I can’t believe Marty lied to me this whole time. I’m not really watching where I’m going smack into someone’s shoulder. I glance up and see Mel swallow back down the sharp words that were about to blast into me for bumping her.