The Arrangement Anthology 1(121)

I dart upright, but before I can move Sean jumps on top of me, pinning me down. His face is too close to mine. His touch burns like acid. I writhe and try to break free, but I can’t. I kick and scream. Sean watches me with those irritating blue eyes.

How could he be so cold? How the fuck could he do this to me, then drag me back here like it doesn’t matter?

Sean’s looking down at me. I can feel his eyes on the side of my face. “I’ll let you go, but you have to look around first. Look at the room, Avery.” Sean’s voice softens.

He watches me, but I don’t want to look. I stare at him defiantly. Anger is consuming me. Every muscle in my body is corded tight, ready to snap. My vision flickers at the edges and spots of red burst behind my eyes like fireworks. I’m so angry that I’m shaking.

My mind keeps replaying the past few weeks. They streak by like a movie that’s playing too fast. I see Sean’s face on the day I met him, that smile, then the kite hitting his head, and I remember the feeling of his lips on my body, and it’s too much. I can’t take it. Every thought, every memory is toxic. It’s killing me. The urge to run shoots through me again. I lean forward like I’m going to say something and spit in his face.

Sean takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. He wipes my saliva away with the back of his hand. “I deserved that, but not for this.” His hands slip into my hair on either side of my face. He tilts my chin up and meets my gaze. “Please, look around.” The way he says it is so frail, like he’s given up.

It rips through me, but I can’t calm down. When his hands fall away and he stands up, I jump off the bed and run straight at him like a crazy person. My fists bang into his chest and I’m screaming. Words fly out of my mouth and I don’t even know what I’m saying. They tangle with tears and all logic is lost. I can’t think. I wish to God that I couldn’t feel. “I didn’t want this! This wasn’t supposed to be my fucking life! And you and your goddamn demons! I have my own! I can’t live like this! I can’t!

“I’m falling apart. It’s killing me. I’m drowning and there’s no way to stop it. When I fall asleep at night, I feel the water around my neck, cold like a metal noose. Every night the noose grows tighter and tighter. I wish I never met you! I’m not falling for your screwed-up shit anymore. I don’t care how you feel. I don’t care what I see!”

When I turn away from, Sean I’m shaking. There’s a tremor that runs down my spine. It swallows me whole. My face is damp with cold sweat. I close my eyes hard and try to focus my blurring vision as I move across the room. I’m leaving. They can’t stop me.

Sean says nothing. He watches me step toward the door without a word.

But Mel is there. She moves in front of the only way out, blocking it. She folds her arms over her chest and she shakes her head. “You are not leaving until you turn around.”

“Get out of the way.” My jaw locks and my eyes narrow. My fists tighten at my sides. Her eyes drop to my hands before returning to my face.

“Do you plan on punching the shit out of everyone who cares about you?”

“You don’t care about me.”

She throws her head back and laughs. “You’re such a wreck that you can’t tell your ass from your elbow right now. The man asked you to look at the room and you can’t even do that. Your brain left your body the minute you stepped out of that elevator. Or was it earlier when you were fucking Henry Thomas? Maybe you left your brain with him?”

My jaw drops. It hangs open, but I don’t breathe. I thought she was my friend. I thought Mel cared about me, but she doesn’t. Betrayal winds its way up my throat and chokes me. I want to punch her. I want to scream at her, but I can’t say anything. Then, when she brings up Henry, it’s like a verbal bitch-slap.

“You were with Thomas?” Sean’s voice is behind me.

I don’t turn. I don’t answer. I stare at Mel like she’s a traitor.

Mel’s tiger eyes bore into me. “You can think whatever the hell you want about me and you’re right. I’m a slut. I’ll do whatever I have to do to survive, but there is no way I’d betray you. Open your goddamn eyes, Avery, and look around.

“Look at me. Do I look like I’ve been working? Is my hair all messed up like yours? Am I covered in sweat? Is my dress wrinkled? Does the room like we had sex?” I stare at her. My eyes flick over her dress and her hair. She looks pristine. It still doesn’t mean anything. They could have showered. She could have hung her dress.

Mel unfolds her arms and steps toward me so we’re nose to nose. She knows I don’t believe her. “Turn around.” She pushes my shoulder and I turn about half way. I can see the room out of the corner of my eye. My pulse is pounding in my ears like a distant drum.