The Absolution of Aidan(19)
“I may be an asshole, Deidre. I’ve said terrible, hurtful, and unforgiveable things to you in the past. One thing I’m not is a man who will accuse a woman like you. Accuse a woman I know to be loyal, confident, and as honest as they come to walk into my home and lie to me.” I’m serious and she knows it. I incline my body toward her. “Now, talk.” I grin at her. She looks so goddamn tense and worried. That pretty little shade of pink is gone. When this conversation is over, I’ll be doing everything I can to make her blush again.
“Thank you,” she says shyly. This woman went from almost killing my mother and fuckhead of a brother to sitting on my couch like a good girl. Which I know firsthand she is not. I don’t mean that in a bad way, either. I mean it in a very good way. She is or was a naughty little thing. I’m glad she still has her mouth and feistiness in her. God, her mouth. My gaze drops down to it, and she sucks in a sharp breath. Yeah, the sexual pull is still very much present between the two of us. Even after all this time. We can talk about her being under me later, because by god, she will be under me. On top of me. Filled with me. And most undeniably begging for me.
“I didn’t know I was pregnant when I left here,” she says quietly. I train my attention to listening to her speak. I don’t understand. Then why? Why would she take off? Was this her way of punishing me for the way I treated her? No fucking way. She’s not the type of woman to run away. She’s tough, controlling, and a pain in my ass. Never would she take off, leaving those she cares about behind. There’s more to this story. A hell of a lot more.
“Why did you leave?” May as well get right to the point. I want to know about our son. I’m still spinning that we have a baby. This is one hell of a day already and it’s not even half over.
“I had a nervous breakdown when I woke up in the hospital.” I can hear the trepidation in her voice. Every word that she speaks next soaks up my aching gut like a dry sponge soaking up water. They strip me. Wreck me and consume me.
Fuck. It hurts when you listen to someone tell you a heartbreaking story. One of strength and determination to fight. To gain control of the shit life throws at you unexpectedly. My chest is splitting in half, hearing Deidre tell me how she broke down. Freaked out and spent months dealing with her attack by a man who is burning in an inferno. I pray to god he burns to ashes every day, the process repeating itself continuously. That man deserves nothing more or nothing less than to suffer eternally. Jesus, if only I could have stopped him from destroying her. From breaking her. God, I will never forgive myself.
As I listen more intently, the darkness pulls me under even further when she brings up how she woke up disoriented, not knowing where she was, her surroundings unfamiliar to her. How the first thing she thought about when she found out she was pregnant was the health of our child.
“Stop.” My one word command makes her jump. I’m so full of fucking guilt, unworthiness, and shame. This woman suffered so much.
“Aidan. What the hell?” I scrub my hands down my face, the overwhelming urge to fucking explode crawling into my skin like fucking poison. I know the situation she’s been through isn’t my fault. But the way I feel can’t be helped.
Contempt. That’s a better word to describe how I feel. For god’s sake.
“I’m so damn sorry, Deidre.” I lean forward even more, hoisting my ass out of the chair. What I need to say to her has to be said where she can see me. I mean really see me up close. It’s the only way I can move forward.
I drop to my knees in front of her. Her hazel eyes go wide. “What on earth?” she says questionably. This knee-jerk reaction to what she told me has me questioning my own sanity at the moment. We study each other. Her most likely freaking out as to why I’m kneeling on the floor in front of her; me, lost in her natural beauty. Her bravery.
Damn, there are no words to define how beautiful she is. Christ. I cannot take my eyes off of her. Deidre La Russo has brought me to my goddamn knees. Her power to possess me with the most prestigious word known to man has rendered me speechless. Beautiful. She is fucking beautiful.
“My god, you are stunning.” I lay my hands on her legs. She tenses underneath my touch. “Are you trying to seduce me?” Well, shit. She sure didn’t lose her snarly, little attitude.
“No,” I shake my head. I carry on with what I now remember I wanted to say. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you that night. I’ve kept it here the entire time.” I lift a hand and point to the center of my chest. “I’ve dreamt about it. Destroyed my self-worth over it. Tried to think what I could have done differently to protect you. I failed and I’m sorry. And the things I said to you the last time we spoke…I have no excuse for it.”