Tempt My Heart(20)

I feel a lump form in my throat as I picture Cane lying on his bunk, writing me this letter in the event he wouldn’t make it back. I miss him so much. To know the last words he wanted me to ever read from him are in this envelope is extremely overwhelming.

Tearing it open, I close my eyes and slowly inhale a deep breath before slowly releasing it as I try to prepare myself for what I’m about to read.

The paper is a cream colored stationary. I remember it from the writing paper I’d sent Cane in his first care package when he arrived in Iraq; hoping he would use it to write me letters. I slide my gaze over the letter, looking at Cane’s handwriting. Slowly, I glide my fingers over each word as I picture him flashing his mega-watt smile down at me the last day we saw each other in the airport.

When I watched him walk away that day, I thought it was the hardest thing I’d ever have to suffer through. Little did I know that would be the last time he would hold me in his strong arms and kiss my lips.

I’d give anything for one more day with him, because if I could go back, I would cherish every moment together even more.

I even miss all of our stupid fights. He could push my buttons better than anyone. What I wouldn’t give to have him standing in our bathroom right now bitching at me for leaving my hair on the shower floor, or complaining that all of my lotions, make-up and body sprays were now overtaking his side of the sink.

I can’t contain the cries that escape me as I reflect back on every moment we had together, and my tears that had begun to taper off have now started to fall once more.

I begin to read Cane’s letter through blurry eyes as my tears cloud my vision,

Brittan-

It’s hard for me to write this letter because I know that the only way you’ll be reading this is if I’m no longer on this Earth with you. The thought of not growing old by your side is terrifying. My friend, Trace, suggested I write a letter just in case the worst happened while we were based in Afghanistan. After I returned from my tour there, I tore it up. I never expected to be returning to the front line so soon after returning home to you. Now that I’m lying here staring at the bunk above me, I decided now was the best time to write you a new letter.

First off I want to tell you I’m sorry. You’ve been so supportive and understanding with all of this, even though I know you would’ve much rather have had me back in Miami still at college with you. But the way I look at it we all have a time to go no matter where we are or how it happens. I could be killed in a car accident or a mugging ten feet down the road from our condo, or shot fatally over here.

We have no guarantee for tomorrow.

That’s one of the many things I love about you, Brittan. You are always living life to the fullest. Every day we’ve spent together I’ve cherished and wouldn’t change a thing.

On the Fourth of July when I first met you that was one of the most memorable moments of my life. The second your eyes connected with mine; I knew I had to talk to you. I think I fell in love with you the instant we met, and then each day after, I just fell more in love with you.

I know you’re hurting, and missing me like hell. I want you to know that on earth or in Heaven my love for you will never falter. I’ll proudly be waiting for you at the pearly gates so we can walk through them hand in hand to our eternal forever together.

By now you’ve probably read my will, and before you try to protest you deserve every dime I left you, I told you I would always take care of you from the moment I put that engagement ring on your finger. I’m keeping that promise now even though I’m no longer on this Earth.

I want you to promise me one thing, and believe me baby if you break it I will haunt your ass until you do as I ask. I want you to take the money I left you and chase your dreams.

You are far too talented to spend your lifetime teaching music. You belong up on stage at a sold out arenas showing off that amazing voice God blessed you with.

One more thing before I end this letter…I know right now the pain of losing me is too fresh to listen to this request but I want you to live your life to the fullest for me, Brittan. Do not waste your life away because I am not here with you. You may not believe it, but you will love again, and whoever it is that wins your heart better treat you right because YES I will haunt his ass if he ever treats you any less than the queen that you are.

I love you in this lifetime and every lifetime after this.

Forever & Always. And like we’ve always said, this isn’t goodbye, so baby- I’ll see you later ♡

Love, Cane

Blinking, I look down as I re-read the letter again and again. After an hour of doing this, it’s now stained with my tears. I lay the letter down on my coffee table to dry, and curl up into a ball on my couch as I reflect on everything Cane wrote.