Taming Damian(8)

I reached for the phone and felt both relieved and disappointed when I saw who was calling.

"Hi, Chris." My voice shook as I answered the call.

"Hey, hun. Are you back from the doctor? Did you get the test results?"

"Yeah." I fought back the tears as I relived the visit in my head.

"So … what did the test results say?"

"I'm pregnant, Chris."

"Oh shit. And what about the-"

"That came out the way we had suspected … " My voice trailed off as I felt my body tremble.

"Fuck, so it's …  I … I'm sorry, Alexis. I know this is not what you  wanted." There was a pause. "So what are you going to do? Are you going  to keep it?"                       
       
           



       

I could hear the uneasiness in Chris's voice. "It's not an ‘it,' Chris! And yes, I'm keeping the baby, even if it means-"

"Alexis, I know I've told you this several times already, but I know how  independent and strong you try to be, but sometimes it's okay to ask  for help. I know we're not together anymore, but I'll be there for you  and the baby if you want me to. You know that, right? I know I'm not  nearby, but since my company just merged with the company based in San  Francisco recently, I could put in a transfer and move out there to take  care of you. All you have to do is tell me, okay?"

"Yeah. I know." But honestly, I didn't know what to do next, and I  wasn't ready to consider Chris's offer to move to SF to take care of me  and the baby. A part of me still hoped that Damian would be willing to  do that when he found out the truth.

There was a moment of silence, and I could hear Chris fidgeting with something-a piece of paper?-on the other end of the line.

"Hey, so I could come into SF next week. There are some people I have to meet there about the merger. I can see you then."

"You really don't have to do that for me, Chris." Part of me didn't want  to see him. I knew he felt responsible for me because of what had  happened between us, but a big part of me still wanted to live in denial  for a little longer. I knew that seeing him and talking about the  situation with him would just make it feel more real and terrifying.

"Come on, Alexis. Now that my company has merged with the company in San  Francisco, I'll be in SF more often. Besides, you need someone to be  there for you. Plus, do you really think your current boyfriend is the  type of guy who will stick around to take care of you once he knows?"

A sharp pang of fear and shame rippled through me the moment Chris  brought up Damian. I was riddled with guilt that I hadn't told Damian  anything, that it was Chris who was the first person to know, and that  it was Chris, not Damian, who was here comforting me.

"Please don't talk about him like that."

"Alexis, I'm sorry. But you know me. I'm a blunt person. I know I did  you wrong when I cheated on you. But I've apologized for that and we're  past that. You know I care about you, and I'm here for you. That's more  than I can say for this boyfriend of yours. From everything you've told  me about him, he sounds like an asshole who cares more about fucking you  than taking care of you."

"Chris, how dare you!? You have no right to talk about him like that! He  may have his issues, but he's been amazing to me and he loves me."  Anger temporarily replaced my feelings of despair and guilt as my blood  boiled at Chris's harsh words.

"So why haven't you told him that you're pregnant then? It's not you can  hide that from him forever. And why haven't you told him the truth  about everything that's going on if he seems to love you so much?"

Chris's words shook me to the core, because as much as I hated him for  saying it out loud, a part of me wondered this same thing. Why haven't I  talked to Damian about this yet? This affects him too, and if he loves  me, maybe he'll be there for me.

"I will tell him. I … I just need more time."

"But that's just it, Alexis. You're running out of time. You need to  make some decisions on what your next steps are, and you need people who  actually care about you to be there for you through this difficult  time."

"Chris, please. I know you mean well, but it's not that simple. Damian  does care about me. I just haven't found the right time to tell him  this. I didn't want to believe all this was true, and I just found a few  hours ago that it is. I'm barely processing all this myself. I'm just  not ready to drop the news on another person right now. At least not  today. Or even this week. I'm just not ready!" My words came out frantic  as I tried to defend my actions.

I heard Chris sigh. "I'm sorry, Alexis. I shouldn't have said those  things. I'm just really emotionally charged right now and I was careless  with my words. Please forgive me. I just want the best for you and for  the baby."

"I know. Look, I'm tired. It's been one of the longest days of my life,  and I feel defeated. Can we stop talking about this right now? Can we  talk about something happy?" I was in tears again as I begged him to  change the subject.

"I'm so sorry, Alexis. I wish I was there to hold you right now."

"Yeah." I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and tried to calm myself.                       
       
           



       

"Okay, so something happy. Well, I'm flying into San Francisco next  Thursday, so let me take you out to eat. We can go somewhere nice. My  treat, of course."

"I'm not sure I'm up for that."

"I'm not taking no for an answer, Alexis. You need to eat, especially  now that you're eating for two. The least I can do for you and the baby  is to keep you both well fed and healthy."

"I  … " I was hesitant to see Chris again. He was the only one who knew  the truth. I was already consumed with guilt for hiding everything from  Damian. To spend time with Chris would only magnify that guilt.

"Come on. We don't even have to talk about any of this. We can reminisce about the past and talk about whatever you want."

"Okay, thanks. It'll be nice to see you after all this."

"Great. I can't wait to see you. Iowa is just not the same without you  here. You know that, right? Do you know that now I have to go out and  buy my coffee mugs?"

I gave a subdued chuckle, knowing he was trying to cheer me up. "Thanks  for that, Chris. I'll be sure to make a few mugs for you when I'm at the  pottery studio. Anyway, I need to get going. Keep me posted on next  week, okay?"

"Okay. You take care of yourself and that baby."

"Yeah." My thoughts went to my stomach and my body stiffened at the thought that I was carrying a living person inside me.

There were a few seconds of silence, and I realized that Chris hadn't hung up the phone.

"Chris?"

"Yeah, I'm still here." He paused. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"No, I'm not," I admitted, realizing that there was no point in hiding my fears from him.

"Alexis, you're one of the strongest women I know. You-no, we -can get through this. Things will work out the way they should."

I really wanted to believe Chris-that I was strong enough to get through  this-but I felt defeated and scared for the future. The only thing I  could think of at this moment was how I was going to break this news to  Damian. No matter how optimistic I tried to be, every time I imagined  myself telling him the whole truth, the end result seemed to always be  the same: him leaving me.





CHAPTER FIVE

Damian

Eight Years Ago

"Don't listen to him!" I saw the frantic desperation in her eyes as she looked over at me. "He's lying!"

I looked over at my father and watched as his face twisted in pain and despair.

"You can stop lying to me and your son now. You've been lying to me for  at least twenty years and your son his whole life. If there's even a  shred of remorse in your conscience, just stop fucking lying to us." I  felt the blood drain from my face as I watched wide-eyed as my father  turned away from my mother and buried his face into his hands.

"How dare you accuse me of this? We've been married for almost  twenty-three years, and I gave up my career so that I could raise your  son." As I watched the heated conversation escalate between my parents, I  was shocked by the contempt in my mother's eyes.

"Mom? Dad? Maybe it's best if we calm down a little first. We don't want  to say anything we may regret later. This could all be a big  misunderstanding." I looked frantically between them, and a part of me  was waiting for one of them to burst into a fit of laughter and tell me  they were playing a prank on me.

But neither of them laughed. Neither of them seemed to hear me. Instead,  their eyes were locked on each other, and as the tension grew in the  air, they looked at each other as if they saw their enemy.