Sweet Surrender With the Millionaire(26)

They were walking home as the sun set, the dogs gambolling in front of  them in spite of having had a five-mile walk. Fleeting wisps of silver  tinged the pink mother-of-pearl sky and the weather forecast had spoken  of imminent snow. As they cut across a ploughed field towards the lane  and home, the flash of a pheasant's iridescent plumage lit the sky as  the bird rose just in front of the lead dog and flew into the air,  squawking loudly in protest at being disturbed.

They stopped, and as Willow watched the pheasant disappear into a small  copse some distance away, she murmured, 'Thank goodness it got away, I'd  have hated for the dogs to kill it.'

Morgan nodded. 'So would I, but that's part of life in the country, I'm afraid.'

She glanced at him. 'And you would have been able to look at it like that? If the worst had happened?'

'You can't take instinct out of the dogs or the bird,' he said  reasonably. 'The dogs will chase for the fun of it and the bird will  flutter and excite them as it flies. They're being what they are and  doing what they're programmed to do.'

'The age-old argument,' she muttered under her breath, but just loud enough for him to hear.

'I'm sorry?' He'd caught the sarcasm and as she met his gaze she saw the change in his eyes, the sudden wariness.

'The age-old argument the male population trot out to excuse all manner  of things,' she said steadily, her heart thumping hard. 'You don't even  realise you're doing it, do you?'

They had stopped walking and she raised her chin slightly as he studied  her. 'I've never "trotted" anything out in my life, Willow. Nor do I  hide behind excuses for my actions.'                       
       
           



       

'No?' She forced a disbelieving smile. 'I thought the nature thing all  led up to most males' favourite theory, that it's unnatural for them to  be monogamous? The old "bee gathering pollen from umpteen flowers"  philosophy.'

A muscle twitched in Morgan's jaw. 'What's the matter?'

She tossed her head. 'Nothing's the matter.'

'I've obviously upset you in some way,' he said with infuriating calmness. 'I'm asking how.'

'I'm not upset. I'm just stating what is a well-known fact. Men in  general are incapable of being faithful to one woman for the whole of  their lives. I think it's something like eighty per cent or more will  have an affair of some kind or other, even if their wife or long-term  partner never finds out. And the most well-worn excuse is that they  couldn't help it and it didn't mean anything, it was mere physical  attraction.'

'Well, it looks as though I've learnt something more about that slimeball you married,' Morgan said coolly.

She drew in a gasp of shock. Whatever reaction she'd expected, it wasn't this. 'I don't know what you mean.'

'I think you do. Faithfulness wasn't one of his strong points.'

Willow stuffed her hands in the pockets of her coat and said overloudly,  'Every opinion I have doesn't relate back to Piers. I do actually have a  mind of my own.'

The blue eyes glittered in the fading pearly light. 'Then I suggest you start using it.'

Her eyes widened. 'I beg your pardon?' she said angrily.

'You met and married one of life's emotional rejects and he put you  through hell until you finished it. It was a mistake and we all make  them. Deal with it and move on.'

Her life summed up Morgan-style. The anger was welcome; it provided the  adrenalin needed to fight back. She glared at him. 'I don't need you to  tell me how to conduct my life.'

'I think you do, because no one else can get near enough, can they?  You've made sure of that. Even Beth watches what she says around you.'

'She does not!' She'd never been so furious. 'And what do you know about  my relationship with my sister any-way? You've only met her once.  Hardly a basis to judge anything by.'

The look on his face alerted her to the fact she'd inadvertently  stumbled on something. She stared at him for a moment that seemed to  stretch and swell. The dogs had gathered in a puzzled group about their  legs, sensing all was not well.

'You've been talking to Beth,' she said flatly. 'Haven't you?'

He didn't deny it. 'I can talk to whomever I like.'

'You've been discussing me with my sister? How dare you, Morgan? How dare you contact Beth and talk to her about me?'

'As you have been so at pains to point out over the last little while,  we're free, independent spirits, Willow,' he said with heavy sarcasm.  'That means I can do what I like, when I like and with whom. Or have I  got that wrong?'

'I can't believe Beth would be so disloyal.'

'For crying out loud, will you listen to yourself?' Now he was glaring  and she knew she'd pushed him beyond his limit. 'Your sister loves you  very much and she's concerned about you-what's so terrible about that?  Or is she now condemned to be placed with all the other untouchables  that are kept on the perimeter of your life? When are you going to face  the fact that you can't live as an island, Willow? Sooner or later  you're going to have to let someone in.'

'That's rich, coming from you,' she tossed back with equal ferocity.  'Say as I say and not as I do. Is that your philosophy, Morgan? Because  it stinks. If anyone is an island, you are, as you've made very plain  from day one. No for ever for the great Morgan Wright, but if someone  else dares to say the same thing it's wrong. Now what does that make  you?'

'An emotional child, or at least I was,' he said, suddenly very calm.  'Until I met you. Then things changed. I changed. Not easily, I admit. I  fought it every step of the way but I finally understood that I could  no longer put my feelings and desires into neat, separate compartments  any more. I don't want an affair with you, Willow. Until this very  moment I hadn't realised how much I don't want that. I love you, not as a  passing fancy or a temporary stopgap, but as my woman.'                       
       
           



       

'No, no, you don't.' She stepped backwards, stumbled but quickly righted  herself as his arm reached out to steady her. As it fell back by his  side, she said again, 'You don't. You said what you felt was physical  attraction. You said that.'

'It is.' For a long moment he studied her face, his eyes searching hers. 'But that's only part of it.'

'No.' Panic had gripped her, she felt smothered, unable to breathe. She  had done this, forced this thing that had been between them since the  night he had stopped himself making love to her, out into the open. Now  she couldn't pretend any more. And she had been pretending, fooling  herself, lying. Instinctively she had known from that point on things  were different and he hadn't been playing games. She wanted to believe  in his sincerity now, to cast all doubts and fears aside and trust he  was speaking the truth, that Morgan was as solid and genuine as Piers  had been hollow and shallow, but it was too huge a step of faith to  take. 'No, Morgan.'

'Yes,' he said. 'Yes. Whether you want to hear it or not, I love you,  and it's about time I told you because something was threatening to give  and it was my sanity.'

'You said we were carrying on as friends.'

'We were never friends.' There was brusqueness in his voice along with rawer emotion.

He was right. Friendship was far too tame a label. She tried to speak,  failed, then cleared her throat. The air, the dogs, even the birds were  still, everything-all nature-seemed suspended. She was conscious of  bare-branched trees against the frosty sky and the delicate beauty hurt  in view of what she was going to say.

Her throat had locked and she had to swallow hard before she could say, 'I'm sorry but I don't love you.'

She saw him flinch and for a moment the temptation to fling herself on  him and take it back was strong, but what would be the outcome? Panic  won and she stayed where she was, her gaze dropping from his. This had  to end now, for good.

'If this was the movies or a love story I'd do the noble thing and say  it doesn't matter, that we can carry on as we are, that I've got enough  love for the both of us,' Morgan said tersely. 'But it matters like hell  and the last weeks have shown me my control can only be tested so far. I  guess what I'm saying is that it has to be all or nothing with me,  having come this close. Anything else is not an option any more.'

Struggling to match his control, Willow nodded. 'I-I can understand  that.' It was like that for her too, if he did but know it. The trouble  was, she didn't know if she could trust Morgan-any man-for the all.  Raising her eyes, she looked into the ruggedly attractive face. He  didn't deserve a nutcase like her, not after the childhood he'd endured  and the knocks life had dished out. She was doing the right thing here.

Knowing she was going to howl like a banshee and make a total fool of  herself, she said quickly, 'I'd better go. Ththanks for everything. I'm  sorry it's turned out this way.'

The blue eyes were boring into her soul. 'Willow-'