Sweet Nothing(32)
“Um, where do I start?” My laugh is short, nervous. Now more than ever, I don’t want to lie to Luke. Not when I’m feeling this close to him. “Some things feel the same, actually. Like in my high school, there were a lot of kids with really powerful parents. Kids whose families had a lot of money.” Like mine.
“Kids like Hayden Santiago,” Luke nods. “Heard he’s been giving you a hard time.”
“I can handle him.” I slip a grape into my mouth, feeling the skin pop. “But yeah. Kids like that.”
“What was it like for you, growing up… like that?” I can hear in his voice that he wants to know if I come from money.
“It was normal, you know? Normal for me. I guess everybody has their own version of normal.”
He nods. “And what about your family?”
“What about them?” I draw my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them.
“You said you lost your parents, right? Was that when you were really little, or, like, recently?” He pauses and catches my eye. “You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. I’m not trying to be nosy. I just… I want to know you.”
“No. It’s okay. I… lost them pretty recently. My dad sixth months ago, and my mom… after that.”
“Think you’ll ever go back?”
My laugh comes out in a sharp, bitter explosion, and I can see the surprise in his eyes. “No. I don’t think so. No.”
He reaches for my hand and squeezes three times. His I’m sorry. “It can be rough, thinking about going back to the place where something tragic happened. My grandparents keep asking me if I’ll ever go back to Greece. And I just don’t think I can.”
I squeeze back. “Plus, it’s like, after I lost them, the way people acted—it made me feel so weak.”
“People suck,” Luke announces. “Whenever anything bad happens, they just, like, shrink away from it. It’s escapist. It’s like, I’m uncomfortable, I can’t handle your shit, so I’m just gonna run away.”
“Yeah,” I whisper, even though his words don’t exactly ring true. People didn’t run away from me when my family fell apart. They lurked, swooped like vultures feeding on my family’s misery. For days, weeks, months, leading up to the trial, they splashed my image on the covers of magazines. Waited outside my house, followed me to document my misery. People did suck. But I wish they had run away. I wish they’d left me to grieve in peace.
“Listen, I…” Luke’s gaze travels my face. “…we don’t have to talk about this anymore. I didn’t mean to push.”
“It’s okay,” I exhale. My hands find my face, and I’m embarrassed that my cheeks are wet with tears. “Really. It’s not your fault.” As much as I fear slipping up and exposing something ugly, it’s freeing to talk to Luke this way. Releases just the tiniest bit of pressure. I haven’t spoken about my family since I got to Miami. I realize how much I needed to acknowledge that I had a family, and that they’re gone now.
“Come on.” Luke stands and pulls me to my feet. “Let’s take another dip.”
“Sounds good,” I sniff. “Race you?”
But before I can make a break for the water, he pulls me in close for a short, tight squeeze. “I don’t think you’re weak,” he whispers fiercely. “I think you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever wanted to know. Got it?”
“Got it,” I whisper back. And I let him hold my strong, broken self.
chapter thirteen
Elle,
Still loving the Hamptons, despite the super awkward dinner last night where David’s mother had four too many glasses of scotch and asked me (and this is a direct quote) whether I “approved of my father’s actions.” David cut her off, but seriously? Does she think that just because I’m his kid, I’ll let a little death and destruction slide? (Sorry.)
Love you for infinity,
A
Late afternoon winds its way into evening as I kick off my soaked, sandy sneakers by the front door. When my cell pings I start to scan Aria’s latest Email, then decide against reading it in its entirety. I feel too good right now; don’t want to spoil it.
“Anybody home?” I call as I enter the kitchen. My body is stiff with saltwater and more relaxed than it’s been in months. The muscles in my legs and stomach hum. I’ll be sore tomorrow. But right now, I feel incredible. Cleansed. Opening up to Luke, even just the tiniest bit, felt natural. It felt like he understood me, like he saw the real me. And somehow, the universe didn’t implode.