Sunsets at Seaside(79)

His brows drew together and his lips parted, and just as quickly they closed again.

“Jamie, you’re scaring me a little.”

“It wouldn’t be too far off to say that he had me doubting just about everything about you.”

“I don’t understand. Why would I ever be untruthful to you?”

“I don’t think you would be, but when he said all that he did to me, it made me wonder, and…I’m sure it was a website error,” he said with an uneasy smile. “Jess, there’s no Jessica Ayers on the musician list for the Boston Symphony Orchestra.”

“You looked for me?” Her heartbeat sped up.

“Yes.” His jaw clenched, and she could see he had something else to say.

“You think I lied about where I worked? Why? Why would I do that?”

“I never believed that you did. That’s why I was going tonight, to see for myself.”

“I don’t know if I should be mad that you think I lied or happy that you looked for me.” She traced condensation on the side of the wineglass with her finger.

“I’m sorry, Jess. I wish I could take it back, but we can’t fix the past; we can only learn from it and create a better future, which is what I hope to do with you.”

“Jamie, I…” I want that, too. But trust was everything in a relationship. Even with her lack of experience, she knew that much. “It wasn’t an error. Jessica Ayers isn’t on the symphony musician list. Jamie, I have never lied to you about a thing. I never even considered lying to you. When you like someone, you’re honest with them. It just goes hand in hand, doesn’t it?” She set her wineglass down on the end table beside the couch and rose to her feet.

Jamie watched her intently, his dark eyes narrow and serious, his thighs tense against his slacks. “Yes, of course. I haven’t lied to you either.”

“Then why would you doubt me?” Her stomach twisted again and she felt flustered.

“Because Mark is manipulative and…” He stood and paced, then stopped before her, looking impossibly handsome and worried.

Totally unfair. Wasn’t she confused enough?

“It’s not Mark’s fault. He didn’t do anything different than he’s always done. He pointed out the obvious. I’m not a fast-moving, carefree guy, Jess.” He paced again and ran his hand through his hair, which only made him sexier because she happened to love that particular mannerism of his.

Jessica tried to keep up with what he was saying, but she was getting distracted by her feelings. She sat back down on the couch and lowered her eyes to her lap.

“I was never a carefree guy, Jess. Never. Not as a kid, not as a teen, and definitely not as an adult—until I met you. You made me forget that I’m supposed to be chained to my work, that I lost my parents, that there’s more to life than working myself into the ground to forget the pain I’ve buried for so long but never really healed from.” His back was to her when he stopped pacing. His broad shoulders rolled forward; he turned slowly, his eyes catching the light from the wall sconce. They were suspiciously damp, shadowed with pain.

“Jamie.” It came out as a whisper. She went to him, circled his neck with her arms and ran her fingers through his thick hair. “My full name is Millicent Jessica Bail-Ayers. I use Millicent Bail professionally.”

His lips curved up and he squeezed her hand. “I wish you had told me that.”

“Didn’t I ever?” She tried to recall every second they’d been together, the things they’d talked about, but her recollections were tangled and fuzzy. Her body wanted to comfort him, hold him, kiss him, help him heal from the loss of his parents, which still plagued him. But her mind was spinning circles about what else he thought she’d lied about, confused about how these types of things could get so convoluted and hurt so badly.

He shook his head. “No. And that shouldn’t have mattered. I should have asked you. I should have dealt with it instead of thinking the worst.”

She took a step back to ground herself for whatever else was yet to come. “What else?”

She watched his Adam’s apple slide up, then down his throat. His hesitation brought her back down to the couch.

“Jamie?”

He knelt before her and placed his hands on the outsides of her thighs. “Jessie. I promised honesty. It would be easier to tell you there was nothing else, but there was. I didn’t know what to believe. Mark was throwing things at me, one after another, when I told him I loved you. Asking how long we had really known each other, where you lived, where you grew up. Jess, I didn’t know even the basic things about you, and it didn’t bother me at all. Then he reminded me about women I’ve dated who have pretended to be something that they weren’t. He’s a jerk, there’s no doubt, but he’s also been my friend. A good friend aside from the asinine things he’s said to women. He’s had my back and saved me from a lot of headaches.” He ran his hands up the outsides of her thighs and fisted them in the fabric by her hips. The strain in his voice mirrored that in his face and arms. “Jess, I’m not making excuses, for him or for me. I’m just doing a lousy job of explaining.”