Strike to the Heart(21)

“Are you ever sorry you let him continue test flights?” I asked.

“Let him? No one let your father do anything. He was his own man.”

“I know it upset you that he wouldn’t give it up.”

Surprise crossed my mother’s face. “I thought I did a better job of keeping it to myself. I never asked him to give it up. It wouldn’t have been fair. It was something he enjoyed so much.”

“But look what happened. If he hadn’t been so reckless, he’d still be here.” Grief took root in my chest, as sharp as the day we’d received the news that my father had died. He hadn’t needed to do the testing himself. He was the boss, but he loved the hands-on thrill.

In a rare show of physical affection, my mother pulled me into her arms. “We don’t know that, Jo. If it hadn’t been that, it might have been something else. If I had tried to change him, it would have broken something between us. I never let him know how much it pained me.”

I pulled away. “If you had tried, you could have made him stop.” Anger clawed its way up my throat. I’d never realized how much I blamed my mother for his death.

My mother shook her head sadly. “It was part of who he was. That daring, reckless side of him was part of why I loved him. He made everything … exciting. I wasn’t going to change him. I didn’t want to change him. I just wanted to love him.”

“But now you’re alone.”

“I’m not alone. I have two beautiful daughters and a heart’s worth of memories. I have friends. I do my charity work. You’re making it sound like I’m pining away in a dark room.”

“You could have had so much more time together.”

“There is never a guarantee. Never. People get sick. People have accidents. Life happens.”

“But—”

“It was worth it,” my mother said quietly. “It was worth it to me. I’d rather have had him for the time I did than another for a lifetime.”

“It hurt you. I know it did.”

“Yes, sometimes it was like slicing a little piece of my heart away. But Jo, he made my whole heart bigger. It could lose a few bits. Besides, what choice did I have? I loved him.”

I turned away and swallowed hard.

“This is about that man, isn’t it? I wish now I’d been more welcoming. I know Alex bruised your heart. All you did for him. All the love you gave him. He should have treasured you like the jewel you are.”

“I think you might be biased, Mom.”

“Maybe. But you’re a beautiful, successful woman. He didn’t respect that.”

She was right about that. Alex always wanted me to come to his races, even if it meant dropping out of a tournament. If I didn’t make it, he wasn’t exactly understanding. When he attended Wimbledon, it was more about seeing and being seen than my playing.

Alex and I had played tennis together exactly once. He’d lost and had been incensed. I still didn’t understand how he could have expected otherwise. Tennis was my profession. I wouldn’t have expected to beat him in a car race.

Lately, I’d been seeing that relationship in a different light. The things I’d liked about Alex at first, his charm, his success, had turned into vanity and arrogance.

Zane wasn’t like that. The words echoed around in my head. Zane wasn’t like that. He’d never demanded anything. Hell, I’d never even given him a chance to make a request. I’d been on the defensive the whole time we’d spent together, but he’d just carried on.

Zane loved me.

I know he’d said it and he’d shown it in so many ways, but it hadn’t sunk in. It hadn’t really sunk in.

My mother stroked my cheek gently. “Do you love him? That Zane Ryan?”

“I think I do.”

“Then don’t let anything come between you. Nothing is more important. Don’t let love slip away foolishly.”

The world shifted and my body shook. My mother was right. I was a fool to walk away from Zane.





Chapter 13

Jo

Parking was a nightmare. The entire lot was packed. After driving around for a few minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t be so close and keep waiting. I drove up to the building and stopped in a clearly marked no-parking zone. I hopped out of the car and a uniformed man approached. “Miss. Miss, you can’t park there!”

I ignored him and kept walking. What was the worst that could happen? It was a rental. If it was towed, they’d bill me and I’d pay it.

I passed through the entrance and showed my ticket at the turnstile. Five thousand dollars from a scalper, and I was lucky to get it. I had no idea so much money was involved in MMA. That kind of cash would get you tickets for the full two weeks at the US Open. Nice seats, too.