Soul Mates 04: Secrets(45)

I nodded. "I must say that a lot."



"Yeah."



I looked away, turning my attention to the buildings around us, trying to find something other than him to look at. I'd managed to avoid any deep and meaningful conversations with Xander for a long time now, but it seemed that this time, there was no way to avoid it.



"I'm&mostly happy," I said after a while. "I never know if I'm doing the right thing, you know?"



He nodded. "More than I want to."



So many emotions were beginning to come to the surface, and I found it difficult to keep them locked away. The knot in my stomach grew and the ache in my chest settled in deep.



"I miss you," he said softly. "A lot."



"Me, too." I stepped toward him and wiped away a trickle of blood before it went into his eye. "More than I can ever say, Xander."



"It means a lot to hear you say that." He shifted uncomfortably. "There are some things that went unsaid between the two of us, and maybe we can."



"Like what?"



"Did you know that when Lucien brought you over, I felt the bond between us snap? Like a rubber band stretched too far, it just broke. It hurt&so much."



"It wasn't until the explosion that I realized something was wrong." I hated that it had hurt him. "If I could go back and fix it&"



"They didn't think it was worth fixing."



I frowned. "What do you mean they?"



"It doesn't matter now." He shook his head. "I think that was a defining moment for me. I realized just how much you meant to me, how much I needed you in my life.and then you were gone."



"I was never gone, Xander."



"Did you mean it when you said you loved me?"



"I did." I caressed his cheek. "And I still do."



"But not the in the same way, right?" He suddenly looked sick. "I didn't have the right to ask for more back then. You'd asked me to walk away from Caleb and."



"I might have been a little upset that you didn't just roll over and do it, but you know what? I am so proud that you stood your ground and did what was in your heart." I caressed his cheek. "How's it going between the two of you?"



"Oh, it's good," he said, a smile tugging at his lips. "We have our ups and downs, but we're slowly working through them. He's got some issues, a lot of fears, and a lot of uncertainty. He's not the same Caleb that he used to be."



"I'm glad that you're working through them. If there's anything I can do..."



I let the words hang in the air, knowing I didn't need to finish them. We didn't need that bond between us for him to know I'd still do just about anything for him.



"Do you think that&maybe&we could go out for coffee? Dinner&something? I mean, if it's going to cause problems with you and Lucien or&Nikolas&then I understand."



"I'd like that."



"I guess we should go stop Lucien from killing whatever he's caught," he said after a moment. "Sounds like he's beating the shit out of it."



I hadn't noticed. I'd been so caught up in the conversation with Xander that I'd blocked everything and everyone else out. Yeah, I was a hell of a back up guy. We started walking toward the noise, grunts and growls and screeches of pain echoing in the alleys. Xander's words bothered me.



"They didn't think it was worth fixing."



It set all wrong. I wanted to know who they were. If the bond between us could have been fixed instead of being severed completely, why in hell hadn't they done it?



"What did you mean, Xander? That 'they didn't think it was worth fixing'?"



"Leave it alone, Peter." He stopped and grasped my shoulders firmly. "Just leave it alone."



"You know I won't," I said softly. "If you don't tell me, I'll find some way of finding out what you're talking about."



Xander sighed and shook his head, continuing on without me. He stopped at the entrance of an alley, and when I caught up to him, I peered around the corner of the building down into the alley. Lucien slammed someone into the brick wall of a building and they landed on the ground. A large, dark form writhed at his feet, and Lucien glanced away from it to meet my gaze.



"Did I not tell you to stay put?"



"Do I ever listen?"



Lucien shook his head and gave a small laugh. "Xander? Do you have restraints?"



"Of course I do," Xander said. "You think I'm going to try to take a vamp into custody without restraints?"



"What about the wolves from the club?" Lucien asked. "How many were there?"