Something Reckless(81)

“So, you’re pretty young for such a venture,” I manage when I finally find my voice. “Who are your investors?”

Ian grins. “Lucky me, I was born into a family of investors, so pretty much everyone you see here.”

You need to tell him before he finds out from Ian, my brain screeches, but my heart knows this will be over when I admit what happened.

Maybe it’s not Connor. Maybe it’s . . . maybe it’s Ian. How pathetic am I to sit here hoping I had inappropriate sex conversations with Sam’s little brother?

“Didn’t I see in the Tattler that you are a member of Something Real?” Della asks me.

Mrs. Bradshaw is clearing the table. I barely ate a bite. I couldn’t. “I gave it a shot,” I say. I shoot a look to Sam, hoping against hope that he’ll say something about how I don’t need sites like that anymore because I’m his. Something. Anything.

But he’s too busy glaring at nothing and doesn’t say a word.

Next to me, Ian pulls his phone from his pocket and starts tapping at the screen. “Oh!” he says, scrolling down through something. “I found you, Liz. You haven’t been active for a while.”

My stomach lurches. “Excuse me.” I push out of my chair and rush out of the room.

In the formal living room, I lean my head against the wall and try to slow my racing heart.

“Liz?”

I turn to see Sam has joined me, and for the first time all night, the anger has left his face. Does he already know? “I’m sorry,” I whisper. I’m a coward. I can’t risk breaking his heart, can’t risk making him hate me until I’m one hundred percent positive that Connor is River. “I need to go.” My voice is shaking as I head to the door, but I won’t cry in front of him. I won’t fall apart in front of this family.

“What’s wrong?” He follows me out the door, and when we’re alone in the glow of the porch light, he cups my face in his hand. “Tell me.”

Please don’t do that. Please, please don’t show me kindness I don’t deserve.

“I forgot I promised Hanna I’d do some baking for her tonight,” I lie. He knows it’s a lie. I see it in his eyes. And because this is Sam and he’s been lied to before, he drops his hand and steps back. He doesn’t want to touch the woman who’s lying to him.

I rush down the steps and to the sidewalk, doing all I can to keep myself from running as I head in the direction of the bakery.

He doesn’t come after me. That’s for the best. I’m like a shattered piece of glass—still whole but broken all over—and his touch, his voice, his concern, any of it would be enough to make me fall apart.





Chapter Twenty-Three





Liz



As irrational as it is, when I get back to my empty house, I miss River more than I have since we stopped talking. Does that even make sense? I’m angry with Connor. Disgusted that he would do this to Della. But I miss my conversations with my faceless friend. I miss feeling like someone wanted me for me.

You make me believe there could be more. You make me want more.

And I know it’s stupid and it doesn’t make any sense, but my chest aches with grief. As if my heart still needs to mourn that Sam wasn’t River. I wanted it to be him so badly that I’d convinced myself it was.

I open my laptop and log on to Something Real for the first time since the morning I left the cabin.

Tink24: Are you there?





Riverrat69: I’m on my phone. Are you okay?





I shake my head. No. I’m not okay. The man I trusted most in this world—the man I’ve defended a thousand times over to his wife—wanted to have an affair with me.

Hell, one might argue we were already having an affair. We crossed lines. I haven’t allowed myself to think about it, but I do now. I had an affair with a married man. Maybe we didn’t touch, but we talked about it. We described it. I’m as guilty as the woman Sam’s father had an affair with.

Tink24: I know you’re married.





I stare at the screen, waiting for his response. I don’t know what I want him to say. That he isn’t married? Do I want to find out he’s someone else, someone other than Connor? A stranger using the Bradshaw cabin to lure in women and seduce them? How is that better?

I’m making myself crazy with analyzing my own motivations when his reply finally comes.

Riverrat69: You figured out who I am.





Tink24: Yes.





Riverrat69: Because of the cabin.





Tink24: Yes.





Riverrat69: I should have never invited you there. That was careless. Reckless. I apologize.





Tink24: You’re saying you didn’t plan to cheat on your wife?