Something Reckless(79)
“Liz . . .”
“He’s opening up to me. He’s . . .” I look out at Main Street. The road is dark and the streetlights illuminate the sidewalk. “I think he’s starting to fall for me.”
“You think? Oh, Liz. He’s mad about you. He has been for ages. Everyone can see it but you.”
I drop my gaze to my coffee because I can’t look at my twin. She’s the kindest, sweetest, best person in the world, and I can’t bring myself to meet her eyes while I try to explain why I want to keep this big secret from the man I love.
“I tried to seduce Sam when I was seventeen,” I admit. “I went up to Notre Dame and went to a party at his house. I got drunk—stupid drunk—thinking it would make it easier. And he turned me down.”
“Liz, I had no idea. Why would you keep that from me?”
“The same reason I didn’t tell you about the first time Sam and I did hook up. Because it was mortifying. I didn’t want to be that desperate girl, and it was like if I didn’t talk about it, I could pretend it didn’t happen.”
“Pretend what didn’t happen?”
My eyes burn, and I lift them to the ceiling to stop the tears from coming. “You know who I did sleep with that weekend? Do you know who was there to pick up the pieces when Sam turned me down?”
Her face shifts, as if something’s registering for the first time. “Connor.”
I nod slowly. It makes me feel guilty to regret my night with Connor. He was sweet and gentle, and as odd as it seems, that night was the beginning of a great friendship with him. But I do regret it. Because if we hadn’t slept together that night, that door wouldn’t have been opened and maybe we wouldn’t have ended up in bed together last summer when I was lonely and Della had broken his heart.
“Sam hated me after he caught us in bed together. In his mind, I was as guilty for hurting Della as Connor was, and if he knew I had this whole online affair with someone and . . . oops, it’s Connor! If he knew the real reason I came to the cabin after your wedding, I don’t know if he could forgive me.”
“So what’s your plan? To carry on and hope he doesn’t ever find out?”
“Not forever. Just until things aren’t so fragile.”
Hanna’s quiet for a minute, her eyes tired and looking too wise. She went through a lot to get to her happily-ever-after with Nate. In a lot of ways, she’s much more mature than I am. She’s definitely had to make harder decisions than I have.
“I think you should do it sooner than later,” she says. “I don’t want you hurt. Please be careful.”
* * *
Sam
I start my Christmas morning with a run. The sun’s shining on the blanket of snow, and the air is crisp but not cold enough to keep me inside. I should have had her stay over last night. What would it be like to wake up with Liz in my arms every day? To bring her coffee in bed and make love to her before I leave for the bank? What would it be like to know she’d be there when I got home?
By the time I’ve logged five miles and am coming back around the block to my house, I’m straight up grinning. I didn’t have her stay with me last night. I didn’t get to wake up next to her on this Christmas morning, but next year—
“It’s her second Christmas.”
I jerk my head up to see Asia Franks sitting on the floor of my front porch. She’s leaning against the door in a big black coat that swallows her up.
“You aren’t supposed to be here. You got your money. Leave.”
When she lifts her head, tears clots her thick, dark lashes. “I can’t stop picturing her. This pudgy-faced two-year-old tearing at Christmas wrapping.” She shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“Get away from me,” I breathe. “Get away from my house. You have no right—”
“How can you act like I’m the evil one here?”
Because you took my child. But I don’t say the words, because the woman in front of me isn’t the calculating witch who blackmailed me weeks ago. This is a mother with a broken heart.
“They won’t let me see her,” she says, her voice small. “I just want to see her.”
“What are you talking about?”
She stumbles as she pushes to her feet. God. She’s drunk. Christmas morning and she’s so drunk she can hardly stand straight. “You have to talk to that man. You walk around thinking I’m the devil and that man is the one lying to you.”
“What man?”
“The man who bribed me to get out of your life. The man who told me I had to tell you I got an abortion, even if I promised to give her up for adoption.”