ONE
October 2000
Utopia. I wasn’t sure how I got there, but there was no question that Utopia is where I ended up.
No one around but the brown-haired, green-eyed Adonis who brought me here. The stars were twinkling above the Golden Gate Bridge, the Legion of Honor glowing behind us. The night was relatively mild (which in and of itself was a small miracle considering the fall season), the champagne was Cristal and the caviar beluga. I felt Tad’s fingers thread themselves through my mane of wavy dark-brown hair as he cuddled closer to me on our little bench on the cliffs.
“God, you’ve got to be the most exotic and beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.”
I squeezed his hand and leaned in a little closer. I’m not so conceited as to think of myself as beautiful, but exotic is a good word. I’m probably black. Maybe part Native American—that would explain my hair. My father was a one-night stand who my mother describes as being gorgeous and ethnic, so on the college applications I just checked all the boxes, and let affirmative action do its thing.
“April, you know how much I love you, don’t you?”
“Mmm, hmm, right back at ya.” I wasn’t very good at mushy so I tried to push my chest out a little more to compensate for my lack of poetry.
“I want to fill my life with moments like this. I want you by my side holding my hand, telling me your funny stories, smiling at me with your beautiful mouth.” Tad gently took hold of my chin and guided it up in his direction. “I want that every day of my life. And I want to do the same for you. I want to make you laugh. I want to protect you and support you in your struggles and ambitions. I want to be there day after day, year after year, so that I can remind you of how incredible you are.”
There was something practiced about that speech. I shivered a little. Was it getting colder?
“April…” He moved off the bench and bent his long legs so that he was balancing on one knee. “April, I want you to marry me.” He pulled a ring box out of his leather jacket and carefully opened it, revealing a rock that was a little smaller than the Hope Diamond. “Will you marry me?”
Not so perfect.
I stared at the ring and tried to force my heart to rise out of my stomach. Tad and I had been dating for three months. Only three months. That wasn’t long enough. I knew that. It was in every Cosmo, Vogue and Mademoiselle I had ever read. Never get engaged before dating for a year. Dr. Laura said three years was the ideal. I’m not a big Dr. Laura fan but in this case she might be on to something.
“April, did you hear me?” The lilting romanticism that had affected his tone was being ebbed out by a note of tension.
I nodded, not quite ready to speak. He was a wonderful guy. I had never loved anyone like this before. Hell, I had never loved any man, period. I was twenty-six years old and while I had lusted, craved and to a lesser extent obsessed, I had never loved until Tad.
“April, this isn’t the most comfortable position in the world…Do you think you can give me an answer this year?”
“I thought I was going to get to change my last name.”
“Excuse me?”
“All my life I’ve dreamt of getting married and changing my last name from Silverperson. No one should be forced to have the last name Silverperson.”
“April, your mom could have changed your name to Silver-woman.” Oh yeah, that was definitely tension in his voice. This was not a topic he wanted to reexplore now, but I needed to stall for time so I could think. He was just going to have to suck it up and deal.
“It should have stayed Silverman. I don’t see why I should have to suffer just because she has a thing for Gloria Steinem.”
“So, I’ve offered you the ideal solution. Marry me and take my name. Say yes, April.”
“Showers. You want me to change my name to April Showers? That’s your ideal solution?”
“Fine, keep your name. Better yet, go down to city hall and have it legally changed back to Silverman. Change it to Beelzebub. I don’t really care, just say yes so I can get up—I think my knee’s in a gopher hole.”
I lifted my eyes upward and located Venus shining steadily in the sky. That was Tad, vibrant, constant and secure in his place in the universe. He could be my Venus. I should just do it. What the hell, we could have a long engagement. I’d never heard Dr. Laura say anything about long engagements. I struggled to find my voice. Come on, April, you can say it. “I…um…Yeah, okay, let’s do it.”
“Let’s do it?” Tad raised a thick beautiful eyebrow. I thought I saw a flicker of amusement dance across his features. It’s a good thing he found this funny because I was scared shitless.