So. Long(202)

I dashed away the tear that managed to escape, still avoiding his gaze. “You’ll think it’s stupid.”

“Probably, but you’ll just tell me I don’t know shit—which is true.”

I sniff. “Well—you don’t know anything.”

“See? What is it, Lou?”

I veered off the road into the weeds, snatching the top off a wild flower, picking it apart as I went. The thick air seemed a bit less suffocating in the shade of the trees lining the blacktop road that led to our street.

“I tried out for cheer squad.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I made the squad, but I didn’t know it was gonna cost so much. I’ll have to tell them I can’t do it, ‘cuz there’s no way Momma can shell out that kind of cash. Actually, even if she could, she wouldn’t. So, you know…”

“Why the hell did you try out for that anyway? It’s not like you run with that crowd.”

I cast him a wilting glance. “Because I wanted to be normal for a change. Be something besides Poor Little Loula Mae Fontaine, daughter of a junkie and her pimp.”

He dropped our bags, grabbed my shoulders, and pushed me until the bark of the nearest tree trunk pressed into my back. “Don’t ever say that. You are so much more than that, Lou—more than all those girls rolled into one.”

My hands pushed at his chest, but he didn’t budge. “You don’t understand. I don’t belong anywhere. I’m too black to fit in with the white girls, and I’m not black enough to hang out with the black girls.”

“Fuck them. They’re all just jealous as hell because you’re the perfect shade of beautiful.” His eyes bore into mine, the golden flecks dotting his turquoise irises so familiar, yet, at that moment, so foreign.

He gave my shoulders a light squeeze, sending unfamiliar tingles into my belly. My breath caught and my gaze roamed over his features. His left eye was swollen and bruised from his scuffle with Lonnie. The muscle ticked in his strong jaw. His chin was set and determined with its cleft. His lips suddenly fascinated me. How had I never noticed them before?

He leaned in.

Panic swept through me in a flash of heat colliding with cold. “Don’t you kiss me, Buck. I’m warning you.”

As though I’d thrown cold water in his face, his hands flew up and he stepped back. His features went through an array of emotions. Surprise. Confusion. Embarrassment.

Embarrassed? Buck?

His mouth worked for a moment, as though he might say something. Then it snapped shut. His eyes roamed my face.

I’d never even considered kissing Buck. But, right then, it’s all I could think about as I stared at his mouth, imagining what it might feel like on mine.

I grabbed his shirt, yanking him close again, and pressed my lips to his.

He was so still. Oh, God. I was wrong. He wasn’t going to kiss me.

But then he did.

His tongue slipped along the seam between my lips. His arms came around me, pulling me in tight against his muscled frame. His scent filled my head and his strength filled my heart.

He sucked in my lower lip, and the sensation rocked me to my core. I opened my mouth to him and…

And everything changed.

That was the moment I fell—no, I plummeted—in love with my best friend.

Thing is, I didn’t know it then, but that was the beginning of the end.

I throw myself backward on my bed, the butterflies in my belly the product of stubborn memories that should be forgotten.

I crawl under the covers and switch off the lamp.

Buck kissed me by the roadside that day, but stopped before his hands went below my waist. Once he broke that kiss, he backed away and refused to discuss it for so long that I finally gave up. I decided I needed him as my friend more than I needed to understand what happened. I mean, it wasn’t like I could cut him out of my life for not talking about that scorching kiss. Buck meant too much to me.

After all these years—it seems like an eternity—the memories are as crisp and clear as if it were yesterday. Unfortunately, the feelings Buck evoked in the teenaged me seem to simmer right beneath the surface in the adult me.

My fingers trip over my belly, slipping between my legs. I pinch my clit, thinking of the first time Buck did the same.

His big fingers grazed my nub, sending a thrill through me as he nipped my bottom lip, his tongue delving into my mouth. I held onto his shoulders as he sank his finger into my slit, circling until I arched to him, my body thrumming.

I slide my other hand beneath the blanket, dipping into my entrance to smooth the moisture over my clit. Imagining it’s Buck, I push my finger inside, trying to imitate how he brought me to the edge with just his touch, before moving down to kiss my pussy like he was kissing my mouth, until I crashed over the precipice.