Snared(81)

“My last name will be Anderson like you?”

I nodded, my throat so thick I knew speaking would be futile. Tears spilled down his cheeks. He hiccupped and sobbed, throwing himself into my arms and burying his face in my neck. I held onto him as he let go of all the years of feeling unwanted. I could feel my pain leaking out with his. I was holding my child. He was okay. I was okay. We were going to make it.

I closed my eyes and squeezed him tightly to me, his little heart pounding against my chest. Natalie was openly sobbing in her hand as she used her phone to take pictures. I guess I’d appreciate her capturing this moment.

April scooted closer and wrapped herself around both of us, pressing her lips against mine as we sandwiched my son. “I love you,” April said into my mouth. “I’m so proud of you right now I could burst. You’re an amazing man, Beau Anderson.”

Amazing man. You’re an amazing man. I smiled at the new voice in my head.





April

I STOOD OUTSIDE the doorway of Robbie’s room, watching Beau sit on the side of Robbie’s bed. They’d been in there for a good half hour now, most of which I’d been standing right here watching. My heart had never felt so full in all my life. Natalie had left after Beau went into Robbie’s room, choosing to give us some privacy. I was so grateful to her for everything that we’d stood and clung to each other, shedding happy tears at the way the day had turned out.

I hadn’t known what to expect when Natalie told me Beau was getting out today. After he had refused to see me in the hospital, I’d thought for sure things were over with us. When he’d walked into the kitchen earlier tonight and gave me the cold shoulder, I’d known it for sure. He was gone, closed off to the connection we’d previously shared. He’d given up on us. I thought for certain it had been too much for him. I’d been scared shitless to see what had happened to him while he was hospitalized. I had zero experience with things like that, and I didn’t know what to expect. But he’d been the same gorgeous, quiet, brooding Beau, just a little more like the Beau I met months ago instead of the one I’d gotten to know since then.

When we’d sat down for dinner, and he couldn’t eat the meal I’d spent all day fretting over, my heart had sunk into my feet. He’d hardly looked at me at all, even when I willed him with everything I had to give me some sign that he was still feeling the same as I was.

After dinner had been over and he’d taken Robbie into the living room without a single word spoken to me, I’d stayed in the kitchen and sobbed. When he’d come up behind me, I’d been taken by surprise. That was when I saw the haunted look in his eyes and knew he was conflicted. It was right then I knew how he felt about me, though he’d thought breaking it off was doing what was best.

I lifted my fingers and touched my lips, the burn of his short beard remaining on my skin. After not seeing him in over a week, combined with the vision of the last time I’d seen him, lying lifeless on the gurney, kissing Beau had been more special than usual.

Things had gone so well with Robbie I almost couldn’t believe it. That didn’t mean we were out of the woods. I’d seen this a lot with kids. Their initial reaction was always to be overwhelmed and ecstatic that someone was committed to loving them for the rest of their lives. Then reality set in. Robbie would face moving, another new school, and Beau would be faced with not just being Robbie’s buddy, but also being his parent. I’d be there every step of the way if they’d let me.

I was glad Natalie had gotten pictures of Robbie in Beau’s arms. Those are moments that would never be forgotten, but having the visual reminder would be good for them both as they navigated their future.

I stepped into the room, wanting to be part of their moment. Beau glanced up and smiled at me. I’d never tire of seeing his genuine feelings. Robbie reciprocated, and it reminded me so much of Beau tears sprung to my eyes again. I’d cried a lot over the last week, but at least these were happy tears.

“Hi, April,” Robbie said.

Beau patted the spot next to him on the bed, and I sat.

“Hi, Robbie. You all ready for bed?”

He nodded. “Beau . . .” His eyes widened, and he stopped.

“What’s the matter?” Beau asked.

“Do I . . . should I call you Beau or Dad?”

As he turned to me, I could see unease written all over his face. I held his gaze, trying to give him encouragement without saying a word. “You can call me whatever you’re comfortable with. As long as it’s not JerkFace or something.”

Robbie laughed. “I’d like to call you Dad. I’ve never gotten to call anyone that before. As long as you’re okay with it . . .”