Snared(69)

The door swung open, and Dr. Viola stood there with Natalie beside him. Her face was etched with worry, dark circles pronounced on her pale face. Stressing her out seemed to be the main thing I did in life. I stood and crossed the room quickly, wrapping my arms around her without a second of hesitation. My clunky cast made it awkward to hold on to her, but I did it anyway.

“Beau.” She breathed into my chest, her body shaking with the tears I knew she would shed. I wanted to tell her I wasn’t worth her tears, but I knew she’d be mad if I said that. “Oh, my God. I’m so glad you’re okay.” She stepped back and examined me. “You look better.” I didn’t say that she hadn’t seen me messed up because she’d seen me in the throes of pain many times.

Dr. Viola shut the door behind him and stepped around us, moving to the chair to set up for our session. Part of seeing Natalie today was that she was going to be included in our session.

“I’m okay.” I gripped one of her hands in mine, trying to reassure her. “I’m sorry, Nat.”

She shook her head. “Don’t say sorry to me. Promise me you’ll get the help you need and work through it, so it doesn’t happen again. You scared the shit out of all of us.”

I nodded. “I am. I will.” April’s gorgeous face appeared in my head. My heart clenched at the thought of her seeing me in that state. “How’s April?” I knew I was going to have to break her heart as soon as I was allowed out of here, but that didn’t stop me from caring how she was doing.

Natalie walked over and sat in the chair across from Dr. Viola. “She’s scared. Worried about you, and misses you, Beau. That woman cares about you so much . . .”

“I can only image what she thinks of me now,” I whispered. “I’m toxic to her. She deserves better.”

“No,” Natalie said. “Don’t start that. We all love you, Beau. Bex, Johnny, Tanner, we’ve all been staying here in Orlando and will until you’re released and we can go home. You aren’t alone. You’ll never be alone.”

Dr. Viola cleared his throat, making us both turn our attention to him. “Beau, Natalie has some news for you. Are you ready to hear it?”

Natalie wrung her hands in her lap. “What is it, Nat?”

She looked at Dr. Viola for reassurance and then back to me. “I got custody of Robbie. I’m picking him up today.”

My mouth dropped open. She did what? The breath whooshed from my lungs as I fought for control.

“Beau, focus on breathing and thinking about what you want to ask or say. Don’t shut down.”

I took in a deep breath, held it, and let it out slowly. My heart pounded in my ears, and my fingers tapped on my legs. I needed to play. Needed.

“Why did you do that?” I asked finally.

Natalie narrowed her eyes at me. “What? You want your son to stay in foster care?”

No, of course I didn’t want him to remain in foster care. It was a bad place for a child to grow up. But . . . what? What did I want? “N-no. I just . . .”

“That’s my nephew. April had a friend accelerate the DNA test to prove Robbie is yours, and we went in front of a judge. I got temporary custody of him as his aunt until you can get yourself right and take him out of the system entirely.”

I stared at her, my mind reeling. She had custody of Robbie until I got myself together. What if I could never do that?

“Beau, tell us what you’re thinking,” Dr. Viola said.

“I don’t know if I can be a parent. I never wanted this.”

“You didn’t choose this, but it chose you. So you have a choice, Beau. Yes, it is yours to make. Your sister got custody of Robbie, but it’s temporary. If you can’t take him, then he’ll go back into foster care.”

“NO!” I stood, the fist of my one good hand clenched. “He cannot grow up like I did.”

Dr. Viola tapped his pen on his notepad, waiting for me to come to my own conclusions. If I didn’t want him to grow up in foster care, I had to take responsibility for him. Robbie needed me. I was the only one who could understand what he was going through and how best to help him from this point forward.

I relaxed my fist and began pacing the room, Natalie and Dr. Viola watching me. I never wanted to be in this place, but here I was anyway. I had a girlfriend I couldn’t be with and a son I didn’t deserve.

I stopped in front of Natalie. “He’s my son.”

Her weary eyes met mine. “Yes, he is.”

“Does he know?”

“No,” Natalie said. “I’m not sure what to tell him. I’m going with April later to pick him up. I’m staying at April’s house so she’ll be there to help me, but I feel like we should tell him something.”