Snared(67)

“And you remember nothing this time?”

I closed my eyes, fighting to remember what I’d thought of earlier today when I’d woken the first time. “I remember standing in traffic, and then I have the sensation of falling while looking at my girlfriend’s face. And I remember something about water. But nothing else.”

Dr. Viola wrote on his pad. “That’s a good start. Tell me about your girlfriend.”

“We haven’t been together long. I don’t know what she saw, so who knows if she’ll want to be with me anymore.”

“She’s been here around the clock with your sisters.” Sisters. That meant the whole band was here. And that despite whatever she saw, she cared.

“The band is here?”

He nodded. “You have a lot of people who care about you.”

“What did I do?”

“I want you to try to remember, Beau. If I tell you, your mind may not be ready for you to handle it and it might set you back. We don’t want that to happen.”

“Am I . . . in trouble with the law?”

“I don’t think so. I haven’t heard anything from the police that you are. Let’s go back to what you remember doing the day you ended up here.”

“I remember driving in the car on the way back to take Robbie to the group home. I was so happy; it had been a great day. There aren’t many days I feel like that. I’m almost always trying to battle my head. Until April, drumming had been the only thing that kept me sane.”

“So she helps you.”

“I feel like a different person around her.”

“So what about Robbie?”

“I met him a month or so ago when Jaded Regret came here to do a promotion for foster care. He was new to the group home and kind of freaked out. I . . . figured out a way to get to him.”

“How did you do that?”

A flash of Robbie and I sitting on his bed came into my mind. I closed my eyes, willing it to come closer so I could remember. Dr. Viola was quiet, waiting for me to remember. Robbie had been clutching the stuffed dog we got him and holding a square piece of paper out to me.

My eyes flew open as the vision of what was on the square paper burned in my memory. I clenched my good fist, and my chest heaved. Dr. Viola sat up straighter at my body language.

“What is it, Beau?”

My mind raced to try to understand what I was seeing. The faded, worn picture showed a young Robbie . . . and Robyn?

“Was your mom’s name Robyn?”

“Yes! How did you know that?”

He wasn’t. There was no way. It wasn’t possible. My mind was playing tricks on me. I didn’t remember something correctly. My insane brain was conjuring shit up.

“Talk to me,” Dr. Viola said. “What are you remembering?”

“I don’t know if it’s right.” I clenched my teeth at the memory. “I was talking to Robbie, and he showed me the picture he always carried. It was a picture of him and his mom. But his mom was . . . Robyn.”

“Who is Robyn?”

“The first girl I ever slept with.” My eyes met his, and my heart started pounding. Yes. That’s what it had been. Saying the words had solidified it in my mind. “Robbie is my son, and she never told me. He’s been in foster care most of his life.”

He nodded like he already knew this. Of course he did. April probably told him the whole thing. Where had she been, though? She hadn’t been in the room. Unless Robbie told her afterward.

My head pounded. “I can’t have a child.”

“Do you know he’s yours?”

“He . . . has issues like me. He told me he gets upset and can’t control it. I was just a little younger than him when my episodes started. He looks like me, too. I never saw the resemblance before then, but he does.”

“So what happened after that?” I heard his words, but my mind was racing. I expected the voices to begin like they already did, but they were eerily silent. “Beau, slow your mind down. Concentrate and push the rest aside.”

I closed my eyes, remembering the feeling of losing control after I realized Robbie was my son. I heard the honking of horns and the bright sunlight radiating on me as I stood in the middle of the road. April was screaming to get my attention, begging and crying for me to stop.

My heart clenched. Oh, God. “I went out of the house and ran into the road. I wanted to die. I wanted my poison to end. April followed me. She was yelling and begging me to stop. I couldn’t hear her words. I had no idea what she was doing or even who she was, until now. Now I can see it all clearly like I’m watching a movie of someone else’s life.”