Snared(48)

“You haven’t seen her since?”

I shook my head, wishing for a moment we were video chatting. “No. She left Natalie with our neighbor and me in the hospital. It took a few days, but when they figured it out, they called social services.”

“So you don’t know where she is now?”

“I don’t care to know where she is,” I answered. “I live with her, every day inside my head. She never leaves me.”

A strangled cry came from April’s line. “I want you to do something the next time her voice resonates in your head. Can you do that, Beau? For me?”

“I’ll try. It isn’t quite that easy to get rid of her.”

“I want you to think about my lips against yours at the park. About the way we look at each other. Think of my fingers wrapped with yours. Know that all I see is a beautiful, handsome, talented man that I . . .” April broke off, clearing her throat. “I care about. Every time she tries to turn something ugly, I want you to think of something beautiful. Think of the two of us together, Beau. Can you do that?”

I thought back to the park, April straddling me as we kissed, caressed, and held on to each other. I thought about every single time I’d been with her, the way she made me feel and the words she said. Words could hurt. They could cut you like a knife, leaving you bleeding out on the floor. I’d been bleeding for too long.

But with April, words could heal. They could start sewing back together the holes that had been gaping for so long. Why I was so much more inclined to believe the hateful things said about me rather than the good?

“I’d like that. April . . .”

“I’m here, Beau.”

“I want you to help me be the man you see me as,” I said.

She sighed. “You already are the man I see you as. I need you to believe you’re that man.”

“I’ve missed you. I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Oh Beau. I can’t wait, either. I’m going to be there waiting for you the second you pull into your driveway.”

I rubbed my chest, wondering what the fullness in my heart meant.



We were seconds away from pulling in to our studio. I was only minutes away from seeing April again. This month had been the most exhausting one of my life. I had no idea how Bex and Johnny were still hanging in there with two small children. Our tour had been more successful than we could ever have imagined, but we were more than ready to be done traveling.

“Is she coming to our house?” Natalie asked me from across the table. There was no need for me to ask who she was talking about—I knew. In the last week, I’d spoken to April multiple times a day. My phone was physically attached to my body at this point. I nodded, and she smiled at me. “I’m going to work at the studio for a while.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I said.

“I know,” Natalie answered, but I knew she’d do it anyway.

What a difference a week made. Natalie and I had had a huge heart-to-heart after my first initial conversation with April. She’d convinced me to talk to Dr. Mia about my newfound relationship with April, and I had. To say Dr. Mia was shocked I’d been keeping April from her was an understatement. She’d had an inkling something was up with me but knew I wouldn’t tell her until I was ready. She’d had no idea it was a woman, however.

She’d encouraged me to continue to open up as much as I felt comfortable with April, and I had. I’d told April a lot of the things that reverberated around my head during my low times, and the things that my mother’s voice said that kept me from fully enjoying my life. We’d talked about what my medications did to help me and that I hoped to be able to function without them someday.

My drumming had been off the chain. I’d gotten up in front of the crowd in Atlanta and spoken before giving out my drumsticks. I think our fans were just as shocked as I had been, though I didn’t say much. But the fact I’d spoken had been trending on social media. April said she’d watched YouTube videos of me up there breaking out of my box.

The bus stopped and the doors opened. I grabbed my bag and jumped down the three steps, holding my arms out as I welcomed the hot Florida sunshine on my face. Natalie followed right behind me, then Trevor. Johnny and Bex were climbing out of the other bus. Johnny held Jaden, while Lennox jumped around in front of them.

“We’re home!” Lennox shouted. “I want to see my toys! My house! My room!”

I knew the feeling. I jumped in my car, and with a wave, sped off toward home, surprised to realize I wasn’t at all nervous.



I careened the car into the driveway and shoved it into park. The second I stepped out of my car, April stepped out of hers. She was in a pair of short jean shorts and a tank top. Her dark hair was in a low ponytail and a few pieces had escaped, framing her face as the wind blew. She was the most beautiful fucking thing I’d ever seen in my life.