Snared(46)

I nodded, not trusting my voice to respond. A large lump had formed in my throat, and I knew I was going to break down soon. I needed to get out of here before then, so he didn’t see me acting like a total girl.

He shook his head, pulling me to him in a tight hug. I wanted to ask him why he was shaking his head, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know that he was having doubts or was hugging me because he didn’t plan to see me when he got back. His hands caressed my back, and I focused on the way he felt right here at this moment. The way his chest rose and fell against mine, his short beard rubbing against my head while his warm hands touched my back. I took a deep breath, taking in the scent of his shirt and his hard chest against my soft one. I wanted to memorize everything about this moment just in case I never got another one like it.

“This isn’t goodbye.” He shocked me with his intuitiveness. “I’ll be back home in less than a month. Will you come and see me when I get back?”

My heart thumped in my chest. He was inviting me to see him when he returned? “Of course, I will.”

He stepped back from me. “Will you . . . let me know what happens with Robbie?”

“Yes.”

The bus horn sounded, making us both jump. Beau scowled. “I have to go. See you soon, April.”

I wanted to hold onto him, beg him not to go as he turned to walk away, but I knew that was futile. The fact of the matter was, my life was here, and his was on the road. All I could do was hope he didn’t forget what had happened between us while he was gone.

Just as Beau reached the steps of the bus, he turned around and lifted his hand in a small wave. His smirk was back. I loved it, but now that I’d seen him smile, I wanted more of it.

I stood there until the buses pulled away and I couldn’t see a trace of them anymore. My phone pinged, and my heart soared, thinking it was Beau.

It was a text from Natalie.

My brother is smiling, April. I haven’t seen him smile in so long. Truly smile. I’m sorry I watched as you said goodbye, but I swear my heart exploded. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Don’t let him shut you out once we’re gone. His head will get the better of him, but if you keep reminding him how he feels right now, he’ll be ready for you when we get back.

And that was when the dam opened up, and I could no longer see my screen through the tears.





Beau

“HOW IS ROBBIE?” I asked April. I was sprawled out on my bunk, the bus heading to our tenth stop. I couldn’t wait to be home. Just six more shows and we’d be done. I’d summoned the courage to call April on the phone for the first time since we’d been gone. I knew she was worried about what that meant for us, but she’d never ask me. I could tell in the messages she sent and what Natalie had said to me while we’d been gone.

I’d been trying to put myself out there for April while I’d been gone, but I’d found myself in a major funk after we’d left Orlando. Other than drumming, I hadn’t done anything, hibernating in my bunk until Natalie and Bex had staged an intervention just a few days ago. I’d been at the top of my game on stage, mostly because that’s all I did was drum, whether actually or in my head. Without April around, it was the only thing that kept me from losing my mind completely, and I’d found not even that was doing it anymore.

I’d known I wasn’t in the right place in my head, but I couldn’t get past it. I’d barely been able to text April a few times. She knew something was up, too; she’d call me, and I wouldn’t answer, and then she’d text and I’d barely reply. I wasn’t trying to be an asshole or push her away, but I didn’t know how to handle both my growing feelings for her and my constant feelings of inadequacy.

I’d had a few phone sessions with Dr. Mia while I’d been away. I still hadn’t told her about April. I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t make myself say the words. I still didn’t believe she’d be able to hang on through all my craziness. I wasn’t sure I could hang on.

April sighed. “Beau, I wish there was something more I could do for him. He’s so sad and angry.”

“Is he still in the group home?”

“Yes. I keep trying to get him into an actual home with foster parents, but no one will take him.”

“Is he talking?”

“No,” she said. “I go to see him at least a few times a week. I got him to play checkers with me, but he still didn’t talk. I wonder if you came back to see him if he would.”

“Consider it done. When we get back I’ll come up there.”

“Beau? Can I ask you a question?”