Slow Burn Cowboy(34)

“That’s not how this works. I want it all. Or I walk out the door. But you need to ask me to stay because you want me, Lane. Not because you’re trying to keep me from leaving. Not because you’re trying to blackmail me into doing what you want. Into being what you want. I already told you, I’m not your pet.”

“I know you’re not,” she said, pain welling up inside her and flooding outward. “I never said you were. I don’t know why I want this,” she admitted helplessly, the words spilling from her. “I don’t know why things couldn’t go on the way they were, because it was so much easier. It was so much better. I don’t know why I can’t seem to put this back away. It feels like things inside of me are cracking open, and all of this stuff that I just don’t want is taking over.” She hadn’t meant to be that honest. Mostly because she didn’t see the point. Not when it felt like rambling. Like some kind of verbal approximation of the desperation that was going on inside her.

“Because it’s not new,” he said, his voice confident. And then he slid his hand back over to the light switch and flicked it up. Light flooded the room, washed over them, revealed that lean hungry look in his eye that made him seem much more like a predator than like her friend.

And she knew it revealed her too. All the uncertainty, all the desire.

They were both still fully clothed, but as it was, she felt like they might as well have been naked. That was when it hit her, how embarrassed she was to let him see that she wanted him. To let her friend see her like this, overcome with sexual desire.

Because whatever else was happening inside her, that was no small part of it. She wanted him. And whatever the deep, complex reasoning, simple need was definitely layered over the top.

Sex was a clear line with friends. She might giggle and talk about it with the girls, but they didn’t see each other being sexual. And Finn... Well, she didn’t talk about it, and she didn’t let him see her as a sexual person.

But that veil had been ripped away. Like everything else, longer ago than she wanted to admit.

Her face felt hot, and she knew that her cheeks were flushed, that he would be able to see just how turned on she was. Her breasts felt heavy, and she had a feeling her nipples were totally visible through her shirt, since she was wearing a bra that didn’t have much in the way of padding.

And normally, she wouldn’t worry about something like that in front of Finn. But now she did. She was afraid she always would.

He was looking too. And he didn’t make a show of acting like he wasn’t. His blue gaze was hot as it roamed over her curves, as he slowly examined her. Then he raised his eyes from her breasts and looked right at her. Which was even worse. She felt her cheeks get hotter still.

Even more disturbing than him seeing her as a fully sexual being was her seeing him that way. As a man in every sense of the word. Not just with a vague knowledge, not just checking out his muscles on a dock by the lake, but as a man in every way that counted.

A man she was going to touch. Taste. Have inside of her.

For a moment she considered running into her room and locking the door. Or taking the slightly more grown-up approach of telling him to leave. Telling him this wouldn’t work.

But in the back of her mind she kept hearing what he’d said earlier. That it wasn’t a matter of if, but when. She knew he was right. If she sent him away, she’d be left with hot coals burning inside of her that would be stoked the moment she saw him again. They would burst right into flame the next time they brushed against each other. And they would be back to this. To the push and pull, to the futile resistance that was just so pointless.

He released his hold on her, letting his fingertips drift down the line of her neck. She closed her eyes, shivered. And then he grabbed hold of her shoulders, turning her away from him. She gasped as he wrapped one arm around her waist, pressing his palm to her stomach.

He drew her hair back, exposing her neck completely. The gentle tug naturally tilting her head to the side. Then he bent his head, pressed a hot kiss to her delicate skin.

Everything in her went tight. The breath in her lungs, her stomach, her core.

She curled her fingers into fists, held herself steady as he kept his mouth on her, then, after a moment, lightened the pressure, tracing on down to her shoulder with the tip of his tongue. The heat, the chill that he left behind, made her tremble.

“You don’t have to be afraid,” he whispered. “It’s only me.”

But that was what made it scary. She didn’t have the ability to say that though, because she didn’t have the ability to say anything. Right now, all of the words inside of her, all of the language, had evaporated. Her thoughts weren’t made of language anymore. She was comprised entirely of feeling.

He put his hand on her stomach, bringing her back into his body, the hard press of him against her a sensual shock that made her internal muscles pulse with need.

He gripped her hips with both hands before bringing them up to her waist, then higher still to cup her breasts. He growled then, a low, feral sound in his throat that spoke of a deep, masculine satisfaction that echoed inside of her. Called to a purely feminine part of her that wanted nothing more than to meet his needs. Those needs that she had created.

Suddenly, she didn’t feel quite so weak. Instead, she felt powerful. And as that strength washed over her, she was able to fully appreciate the wonder contained in the fact that Finn Donnelly wanted her.

He was...unquestionably sexy. The kind of man that women made fools of themselves going after. He could sell tickets to his bed, and he would have a line that rivaled any theme park.

And he wanted her. Enough that he had detonated a bomb between the two of them. And now that she felt much more desire than anger, she could appreciate that.

It made her feel... Well, it made her feel something much more than broken.

And that was much rarer than she would like to admit.

Suddenly, he whirled her around to face him, his blue eyes intense. It hit her, square in the chest. The force of his need. His need for her.

It touched a place inside of her that she tried to ignore was there. A raw, needy place that she tried never to fully uncover.

She realized that for them, sex wasn’t separate from their friendship. It was actually much closer to it than she had realized. Because for the past ten years he had made her feel like she might be worth something. Like she mattered. And being with him intimately was like that. It just reached deeper.

It was the deeper that was terrifying.

But more terrifying right at the moment was walking away. Not finishing this. Disappointing him when he was looking at her like that. Like she was all he needed, even more than air.

Nerves skittered to her stomach like frightened creatures, and for a moment she was tempted to run. And so, instead, she wrapped her arm around his neck, stretched up on her toes and claimed his mouth with a kiss.

His response was immediate. Incendiary. He parted her lips roughly, his tongue delving deep, tasting her like she was the best dessert he’d ever had. She wanted nothing more than to do the same. So she did. She shut everything out. All of the fear, all of the uncertainty as she clung to Finn and gave in to the desire that had existed in her, dormant, but very much there.

It was reckless, terrifying, to let herself go like this. To just let herself kiss him, to admit that she wanted this. That she wanted him. She had kept herself from thinking these words, from imagining this, from fully allowing herself to want it for so long. And now, she was just barreling down the hill, gaining momentum, throwing herself into it with a kind of hedonistic abandon that made her feel giddy and gun-shy all at once.

But giddy was going to win out. Desire was going to win out. Because she had gone too far to go back now.

“I want to see you,” he said, wrenching his mouth from hers.

With trembling hands she reached down and grabbed hold of the hem of her shirt. She didn’t want to think about this. She didn’t want to hesitate. So without pausing she wrenched the fabric over her head, then with unsteady fingers unclasped her bra, throwing it down on the floor.

The fact that she was getting naked in front of her best friend hit her fully about the time her panties hit the ground. And by then, it was too late.

He cursed, but the words sounded more like a prayer than anything else. He stood back from her, his lips pressed into a firm line, his blue eyes glittering. He looked like he was wrestling with something, battling restraint, battling an army inside of him.

Then he reached out, brushed his thumb over her tightened nipple. Her breath left her lungs in a rush, desire piercing her like an arrow.

“Perfect,” he said, a muscle in his jaw jumping.

He didn’t say anything else after that. Instead, he swept her up in his arms, cradled her against his chest, his hands roaming over her bare body. He kissed her, walked her back down the hall, and before she knew it, the back of her legs hit the edge of the bed.

Her heart thundered hard, slamming recklessly against her breastbone as she tried to capture the enormity of what was about to happen, at the same time as she made a small attempt to minimize it. Yes, she was about to have sex with Finn.

But in so many ways it made sense. Because she knew him. And he knew her. And he meant more to her than any other man. It made sense to be intimate with him.