Sleigh Bells in the Snow(121)
The phone in his pocket rang for the eighth time, but he ignored it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, especially not his well-meaning family.
He knew they were worried about him, but this was one situation he had to handle by himself. Not that he’d done well so far.
What the hell had he been thinking? Had he really expected her to give up her well-paid, secure job to come and work at a place that was teetering on the brink of disaster?
He never should have asked that of her.
No wonder she’d panicked and run.
Right now, he didn’t want to talk about it, nor did he want to be fed gingerbread Santas or think about the work facing him.
He was so desperate to be left alone that when he heard the sound of a snowmobile coming up the trail behind him, he swore. The last thing he wanted was company, not even tourists who were essential for the future of this place.
But it wasn’t tourists, it was Tyler. And seated behind him was Kayla, wearing Alice’s red knitted scarf around her neck.
Jackson stood still. She should have been on her way back to New York.
She shouldn’t be here.
Tyler steered the snowmobile to the edge of the trail. “You need to learn to drive one of these things yourself,” he grumbled. “I’ve got better things to do than drive you around.”
“I will. I promise.” Kayla slid off the back and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. “Thanks, Tyler.”
Tyler threw a wary glance at his brother. “Not my fault. Women just can’t help themselves around me.” Winking at Kayla, he drove off without giving Jackson an opportunity to respond.
Which left the two of them alone.
Jackson took a deep breath. “You’re supposed to be at the airport.”
* * *
IT WASN’T THE welcome she’d hoped for, but she couldn’t blame him for that. “You didn’t answer your phone. I left about a million messages.”
“I assumed it was my family. What the hell are you doing here, Kayla?”
What if she’d messed it up by walking away?
“I couldn’t leave.” She stared through the trees, thinking she’d never been anywhere more beautiful. “You said I needed to experience all that Snow Crystal had to offer and I haven’t even touched on it, have I? I haven’t built a snowman. Walter says I need to see you tap the sugar maple trees. I want to see the lake when it isn’t covered in ice and ride a mountain bike over these trails in the summer. I want to see the fall foliage. But most of all I want—” She broke off and took a slow breath. It felt like stepping off a cliff, especially with him watching her with those blue, blue eyes. “I want you. I want to be with you.”
There was a long pause. Just long enough to make her courage falter.
“You said no.”
“I panicked. It was all so sudden, so unexpected and—and I’m a coward. You were right about that.”
“I never said you were a coward.”
“You said I was scared, and I am scared. But I don’t want to be this way anymore. I can’t go back to being the old me. I can’t go back to making choices just because they’re safe.”
He didn’t respond, and she felt a lurch of terror that he might have changed his mind.
“I threw myself into work because it was the one thing I could control.” She tried to explain. “I could depend on it. And I was successful and that gave me a buzz. I worked hard because success made me feel good about myself and because—” she found it hard to admit, even to herself “—and because when I was working I was never alone. Thinking about work meant I didn’t have to think about all the things that were missing from my life. And it became normal for me. I didn’t even question it. I never slowed down. Except at Christmas. That’s the time of year when it’s impossible to miss the fact you have no one in your life.”
His gaze was fixed on her face. “So you’re back here because you don’t want to be lonely anymore?”
“No. I’m back here because I don’t want to live without you in my life. We have so much fun together. You make me laugh. You help me be the person I’m too scared to be by myself. You made me feel like one of the family.” She was not going to cry. She was not going to cry. “And you’re indecently hot, of course, and the sex is amazing, and— God, this is the worst speech I’ve ever made.” Hand shaking, she pushed her hair away from her face. “Yesterday, Christmas Day...that is the first family Christmas I’ve had since I was thirteen and when you all gave me gifts...” Tears clogged her throat.
Shit. So much for not crying.