Skinny(46)

I’m back in drama class and today we’re meeting in the auditorium for the first time. All I can think about is what’s going to happen when I take the stage pretending to be an elephant.

I’m definitely aware.

“When the actor first becomes aware of being observed by an audience, it causes the actor to suffer that state of self-consciousness that we sometimes call stage fright,” Ms. DeWise continues her lecture from center stage, her arms sweeping widely to emphasize the importance of her words to everyone listening.

I’m always aware of being observed. Always self-conscious. I’m evidently living my life with stage fright.

“So the trick here is not allowing oneself to become aware of the audience.”

Duh. The idea of that seems completely impossible to me, but oh so attractive.

“Let me show you a little demonstration,” Ms. DeWise continues. “Gigi, if you’ll come up to the stage.”

Gigi flits up the stage steps and joins Ms. DeWise. This week, her hair is all blue with just a streak of pink on the left side and she’s wearing a red-striped T-shirt with skinny blue jeans. Sparkling chandelier earrings wobble wildly from side to side as she waves energetically to the class. A pretty tame outfit for Gigi.

“I’ve asked Gigi to help me with this exercise.” Ms. DeWise steps over to stage left and leaves Gigi standing alone in the middle of the stage. I feel a twinge of jealousy at how effortlessly she faces the room full of people watching her.

“Onstage we have three walls,” says Ms. DeWise. “The one in back and on each side.”

Gigi gestures in each direction as Ms. DeWise talks, like she’s a flight attendant showing the exits.

“The fourth wall, that very important wall between the actors and the audience, is invisible. If the actors don’t acknowledge the audience behind that fourth wall, then everyone watching the action onstage is able to believe they are peering into the secret lives of the people onstage as if they were in their own kitchens or bedrooms.”

Gigi pretends to sit down at a table and eat imaginary food.

“So here you have the actor.” Ms. DeWise points to Gigi, who continues to pantomime eating as though we aren’t watching her. “Then you have the invisible fourth wall.” Ms. DeWise makes a sweeping motion signaling the front of the stage with one hand. Finally, she points to all of us watching. “And the audience.”

Gigi pretends to pick up a phone off an imaginary table and dials, while we all watch.

Ms. DeWise continues, “When we use a fourth wall in a play, the actors don’t acknowledge there is anyone watching them and the audience is able to suspend disbelief and pretend the actors are actually living out their real lives onstage.”

“Hello?” Gigi says into her pretend phone. “Is Cinderella there?”

The audience laughs, but Gigi keeps talking, looking blankly out at the audience as if she is staring absently at a painting on the wall. “I just got my invitation to the ball yesterday. Are you going?” She waits as though she’s listening to the response from the other end of the phone conversation, then continues, “I don’t have anything to —”

“Okay, freeze,” Ms. DeWise commands, and Gigi stops midsentence. “Now as you saw, Gigi was looking directly at the audience, but she made believe the audience didn’t exist. That’s what the fourth wall is all about.”

A fourth wall in life. How great would that be? I’d never have to worry what people thought about me again. The wall would keep it all out.

“Now, Gigi’s going to show you how to break this fourth wall,” Ms. DeWise says, and then turns back to the frozen Gigi.

“Action!”

“Have you heard from your fairy godmother lately?” Gigi continues her fake conversation with Cinderella on the phone, still looking out into the audience as she talks. Suddenly, she focuses in directly on Chance Lehmann in the front row, lowers the imaginary phone from her ear, and says, “Excuse me, you there in the audience with the blue shirt, do you mind not yawning? Have a mocha or something and stay awake, will you?”

The audience laughs in appreciation and, just like that, the illusion of a real phone conversation is shattered along with the separation between the audience and the actor.

“Freeze,” Ms. DeWise commands, and instantly Gigi is motionless and quiet on the stage. “Our actor just did a terrific job of demonstrating what breaking the fourth wall looks like, and all of you were able to see the moment when our actor became aware of the audience.”

Kristen is sitting two rows in front of me. I see her curly head bob up and down in agreement.