Skinny(45)

I nod, reluctantly. Panic starts to rise into my throat. I can’t say it out loud. Please don’t ask me to.

“And I saw it. In your eyes. In the way you held your body. Everything about you looked exactly like Sleeping Beauty would have looked when she was left behind in the woods. Dejected. Alone. Isolated.” Ms. DeWise bursts into applause, and the audience joins in enthusiastically. “Bravo! Well done, Ever!”

Acting like Sleeping Beauty means not thinking about Sleeping Beauty? I’m confused, but I have to admit a little intrigued. I also feel pretty good about the applause.

“You can go back to your seats,” Ms. DeWise says. She brings up a few more volunteers and I find myself watching the action carefully. Each time the group portrays a different fairy-tale character and another strong emotion. Some do it better than others. I know the difference when I see it, but I’m still not sure how it happens.

“Good work today.” Ms. DeWise finally releases the last set of three students back to their desks. “Now for your homework.”

There are loud groans throughout the room.

“Everyone, draw a slip of paper on your way out the door today. On the slip of paper will be an animal.” I don’t like the way this is going. I was hoping to play the part of a princess, not a monkey. “I want you to study it and be very specific in your observation of the animal. What is the animal’s posture? How does he move? When does he move? Why does he move? Can you imagine what he might be thinking?”

“Do you expect us to go to the zoo tonight?” Chance asks and gets a few laughs.

“You can find anything on the Internet,” Ms. DeWise says. “Find as many different clips of this animal in action as you can. After you watch awhile, begin physically imitating his movements. Be as specific as possible.”

“Are you sure about that?” Chance asks. “I’ve been told plenty of times to stop monkeying around.”

Oh, brother. Why does Chance always have to be a clown?

Ms. DeWise isn’t fazed. “If it’s a gorilla you are studying, and the gorilla places its hand somewhere on its body in such a way that you might not place your hand on your body, especially in public, then you must overcome your inhibitions.”

There is some more nervous laughter as students head toward the door.

Ms. DeWise gives one last set of directions while handing out the slips of paper to the students leaving the room. “Keep the physical and psychological aspects of the animal. Just transform them to the human counterpart in yourself. Study the animal for as long and as often as you can. Then come back to the workshop next Monday prepared to share your interpretation.”

I draw a slip of paper out of her hand as I leave the room, then instantly stuff it down into my pocket. Later, with no one around to see, I pull it out and open it. Elephant. My heart sinks. I couldn’t have picked giraffe, or butterfly, or swan?

“The fat girl gets to pretend to be an elephant. I think they’ll call it typecasting.”

I’m not giving up. Jackson will see me play the role of Cinderella, and I will win him back. Even if I have to be an elephant to do it.

That night, I look at every elephant video I can find on the Internet. Only elephants in the wild, though, because I want to see what they look like when they’re at home — not in a cage. I try to focus on the animal’s eyes. Does it seem intelligent? Tame? Wild? Dangerous? I try to imagine thinking like an elephant. I wonder what I’m thinking when the elephant in one video moves from the spot where she had been standing for quite some time to a tree fifty feet away to pick a few leaves to eat. Why did she move now, and not five minutes ago?

I find this one video where a huge bull elephant crashes out of the brush to charge a camera crew in the back of a truck. The elephant isn’t clumsy. He doesn’t cower. He bursts through the trees large and in charge, ears flapping wildly. He’s perfectly comfortable in his size and knows exactly how to use it.

I watch it again.

I can’t imagine any other animal intimidating him. He moves with a speed terrifying to everyone in the back of that truck watching. Nothing stands in his way.

I watch it again.

Amazing. He relishes every bit of his size. This is the kind of elephant I want to be. I stand up in front of the computer. I watch the video again, but this time I move around the room as I watch it. Now, the elephant has legs and arms. I don’t cower or waddle. I walk like a huge elephant.

And I like it.





Chapter Fifteen





“So when the actor becomes aware of being observed by others out there” — Ms. DeWise waves to the seats out in the auditorium — “the tension finds its way into the actor’s life on the stage. The key word here is ‘aware.’ ”