Sir Thursday(5)

Sneezer, the butler, stood in the open centre of the table, a white cloth over one arm of his now immaculate coat. His once-untidy hair was combed back, tied with a ribbon and powdered white. He held a silver tray with three crystal tumblers of something orange (probably juice) and a tall wineglass full of a blood-coloured liquid Arthur hoped was actually wine.

There was no one sitting on the chairs, but there was a large crowd of Denizens behind the table, all standing quietly. Arthur recognised Dr Scamandros and waved, and then he waved again as he saw Sunscorch slightly behind him, looking very fine but somewhat uncomfortable in the admiral’s uniform that was his right as the new Wednesday’s Noon. Soon Arthur was waving all over the place as he recognised Japeth the Thesaurus and Mathias the Supply Clerk standing together, and Monday’s Dawn and Wednesday’s Dawn, and others from his previous adventures – as Leaf might call them – in the House.

‘Take your seats,’ bellowed Dame Primus, her voice going all gravelly and low, startling Leaf. ‘Let this council be in session. Suzanna, you can return the Transfer Plates to the china cabinet before you join us, please.’

Suzy grimaced, gave a clattering curtsy, and ran out, pausing to stick out her tongue at Dame Primus as the Will turned and gestured at the golden chair.

‘That is your throne, Lord Arthur. Everyone else is arranged in order of precedence.’

‘Where do I sit, then?’ asked Leaf.

‘You may stand behind Arthur,’ said Dame Primus coldly.

‘Actually, I think Leaf had better have a chair next to me,’ said Arthur firmly. ‘As an honoured guest.’

‘Very good, sir,’ said Sneezer, making Arthur jump. The butler was somehow behind him now, offering him an orange juice. ‘I shall place a chair for Miss Leaf.’

‘I have prepared an Agenda for this council,’ announced Dame Primus as she sat down. Her chair swirled through red, white, and gold and Arthur noticed it grew a few inches at the back, almost matching his own chair’s height.

Dame Primus tapped a large hard-bound book of at least three or four hundred pages that was sitting in front of her on the table. Arthur had a copy in front of his seat too. He sat down, dragged the book over, flipped the cover open, and read Being an Agenda for a Council to Discuss Various Troublesome Matters Pertaining to the House, the Release of the Will of the Architect, the Assumption of the Rightful Heir, and other Diverse Matters.

The next page had a list of items numbered from one to thirty. The page after that had thirty-one through sixty.

Arthur turned to the end and saw that there were over six thousand Agenda items.

‘I suggest we begin with Item One,’ said Dame Primus. ‘And work our way through.’

Arthur looked at Item One.

Arbitration Between Demesnes, Article One: The Dispute Concerning Record Filing and Transport of Records between the Middle and Lower House.

‘The Agenda is arranged alphabetically,’ said Dame Primus helpfully. ‘All the Arbitration matters are first.’

‘I haven’t got time for this,’ said Arthur. He shut the agenda book with a loud clap. ‘What I want to know is what that Spirit-eater is, what it’s going to do to my family, and how to get rid of it. Dr Scamandros, do you know?’

‘This is quite improper,’ Dame Primus complained. ‘I must protest, Lord Arthur. How can we properly come to conclusions and act effectively if we don’t follow our Agenda?’

‘Why don’t you put the Agenda in order of importance, and while you’re doing that, we’ll talk about the Spirit-eater,’ said Arthur, not daring to look at Dame Primus as he spoke. There was something about her that made him want to quietly sit and do as he was told. She reminded him of the scariest teacher he’d ever had, who could stun a classroom into silence just by appearing in the doorway.

But like that teacher, Arthur found that if he didn’t meet her gaze, she was easier to confront. ‘Dr Scamandros?’

‘Ah, well, I haven’t had much time to look into things,’ said Scamandros with a jittery glance at Dame Primus. The tattoos of palm trees on his cheeks suddenly shook and half-a-dozen nervous monkeys fell out and slid down to his chin before the palm trees disappeared and were replaced by clock faces with swiftly moving hands. ‘I mean, I barely had time for a glass of revitalising tonic at Port Wednesday before I was hustled here. But nevertheless, I do have some information, collected with the aid of Monday’s Noon, who while not trained in the Upper House is nevertheless a capable sorcerer …’

He paused to bow to Monday’s Noon, who bowed back. Arthur gripped his orange juice and tried not to look too impatient. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Suzy slink back in and sit on the floor, hidden behind Monday’s Noon.