Simple Things(27)

Jeremy jerked his head and he and his guest walked around the long way, but Carter knew they were going to Jeremy's room.

"That ass," Sarah hissed beside him. He jerked his head to look at her.

"Who is  … " But he remembered that face now, only last time, the guy's beard had been trimmed and his hair fixed.

"Troy. What is he thinking fucking around with him? With you right here."

Carter took a deep breath. "Hey, don't worry about it," he said to  himself more than her. He shrugged. "Really, we were just fooling  around." He almost convinced himself he wasn't fucking hurting inside.  He had almost thought they had been more than just a holiday hookup.

No. You were. But he was in love with Troy. Doesn't mean you meant less. "It's just over," he said, shrugging again.

Sarah looked baffled. "Come on," he said. "Let's go back to my party."  He was damn well gonna get drunk enough to not think about what Troy and  Jeremy were doing on the bed upstairs.

But then …  No. He remembered all the times Jeremy talked about how Troy  had fucked him over, how much Jeremy had been hurt by Troy treating him  like a play thing just to help Troy and his girlfriend have a little  kink in their lives.                       
       
           



       

He was going to deal with this. Even if he wasn't going to fight for  Jeremy's hand like a silly rom-com hero, he would at least remind him  that he was his friend and he cared. And that Troy was a mistake, even  if Jeremy didn't want to be with him.

But he didn't want to walk in on anything. He didn't think he could  handle that. Plus, that seemed like a conversation for a more sober  time. He would talk to Jeremy tomorrow.

For tonight, he would go pretend his heart hadn't just broken into a  million pieces. And who knew he had gotten than far involved?

Yeah right.





15





Jeremy was …  put out. His first thought toward the entire evening was how  put out he was. He couldn't understand why he had almost shoved that  Ella girl down when he saw her getting hugs from Carter. Then when he  got Troy's text message saying he was driving in tonight of all nights,  he'd been just …  annoyed.

He had never been truly annoyed with the man. Troy had seen him through  his final days of detoxing, had been with him as they started the band.  Had been the only guy he'd had feelings for when he had been sober for  the first time in years.

But tonight, he wanted to be back in his room watching stupid shows and laughing with Carter. Alone.

He had felt that old warmth as Troy hugged him, sure. And leading Troy up to his room felt like a promise, an old promise.

But he was so …  something.

That damn feeling.

Jeremy had sat twiddling his thumb for ages, waiting for Troy to shower.  He had been ripe from driving for hours. His mind kept wandering to the  party in his backyard. Eventually, Troy came out from the shower. He  was clean, at least. He didn't look quite as rough as when he had  arrived.

He watched Troy look around his room and realized the bed was still  unmade from his and Carter's earlier fucking. He hurried to make it,  then sat, feeling a little overwhelmed by everything going on tonight.

After taking a moment to try to gather himself, he finally looked at Troy. "So."

Troy looked worn out. He hadn't shaved or slicked his hair. He turned an uncharacteristically shy smile on Jeremy. "Hey."

Jeremy blinked. "Uh. Hey."

"Can I?" he nodded toward the bed Jeremy sat on. Jeremy didn't really  know what to say, but like all the times Troy had texted while Jeremy  was spending time with Carter, when Troy sat where they had been  intimate, he felt a strange stab like he was betraying Carter. Where we  were intimate? He didn't know where that thought came from. They'd had  rough, crazy, almost-busted sex. Yet here he was thinking in terms of  intimacy.

God, he remembered the confusion on Carter's face all night as Jeremy  brooded in his jealousy. Shit, he had been a jealous bastard and here he  was  …  What must Carter have thought when he saw them come upstairs?

But what did it matter? Carter's friend was here to take him back to New  York. Tonight was his going away party. And here was Troy.

"Me and Mace broke up."

Jeremy's head jerked to look up at Troy. "What?"

"About three weeks back. That's … " He grunted. "That's why I've been trying to get in touch with you."

"Oh." Jeremy didn't know what to say. "That sucks."

It was surreal. He had hoped to hear those words for a handful of years.  But hearing them was different than he thought it would be. He always  figured he would do a jig. He had spent so long pining for this guy, or  something of the sort, because Jeremy Beck does not pine. But now? He  felt sorry for his friend.

"I hate that for you," he said honestly, and put his hand on Troy's knee.

Troy's shoulder slumped, almost in relief. "God I've missed you, Germy."

He grimaced at the nickname. "I've missed you too, man."

Troy leaned into Jeremy. There was an old comfort, a balm from being  close to Troy again. He knew this man. He had fucked this man.

But as Troy turned his big, soulful, sad eyes his way, flashes of  Jeremy's own hurts, the way he ached after each time he had fucked Troy  in front of Macy, then had to watch the couple get off together after he  had finished. He always felt dirty. And used.

He stood. He needed to catch his breath as all that hurt flowed over him.

Troy reached for him. "Hey, J. Sit with me."

"I need a minute." Suddenly, Troy's presence was stifling. And he didn't get it. This was something he had thought he wanted.

Troy stood and his beautiful green eyes bored into Jeremy's. "I need to apologize."

Jeremy stood still as Troy placed a hand in the center of Jeremy's  chest. "You do?" His breath stuttered. Troy had only touched him like  this in the early days, before Macy, before they had gotten complicated.                       
       
           



       

"I called Milo. And I was bitching about you not answering the phone  and …  he fucking laid me out. He told me how much I had fucked with you  head." Troy gripped both of Jeremy's shoulders, his eyes imploring. "I  didn't get it, Germy. I didn't."

"Stop calling me that." He didn't know where that came from.

Troy stepped back, but kept his hands on Jeremy's shoulders. "I'm sorry."

Jeremy closed his eyes and sighed. "No. I'm sorry. I just …  I don't understand what you're doing here."

"You want to leave the band."

Jeremy scoffed. "That's what this is about? Really?"

"No! When Lucy told me you were wanting to leave, I realized …  I can't do  this shit without you, J. I can't. And I realize my weird closet shit  has hurt you and …  I can't. Not without you."

"So Macy gets the boot because?"

Jeremy wanted to hear it and didn't know why. It was probably cruel. He  didn't know what was even happening but …  something irrevocable was  happening and he needed it.

"Because it's you. It's always been you."

"Are you high?" Jeremy couldn't stop himself from asking.

Troy laughed his old easy laugh, and no, he wasn't high. And then his  lips pressed to Jeremy's. And the birds …  didn't fly and his heart  stopped. But not in the way he ever thought. He felt this deep down  shame. Why are you doing this? He saw each moment of Carter standing in  the field with his red hair shining in the sun, a happy smile on his  face. He saw Carter warming him up because Jeremy was shivering and  scared. He saw Carter watching him play music in a bar in Brooklyn.

He saw Carter walking away and remembered the sinking feeling as he  watched him go, and the desolate, false high of touching Troy later that  night.

Troy pulled back and looked at him, confused. And suddenly it was simple. So fucking simple.

Jeremy dropped on his ass on the bed and …  he laughed. He laughed from  hysteria, and from some humor, and a whole lot of feeling like an idiot  because he thought about how stupid this little ah-ha moment was.

"Oh, my god," Jeremy said, laughing louder. He felt this weight flying  off his shoulders and then he felt stupid because for a guy who preached  and lived by his whole keep it simple creed, he had been the one to  miss how simple everything actually was.

Troy sounded quite offended when he said, "What the fuck, man?"

"Oh, Troy." Jeremy was laughing so hard he had tears leaking from his eyes. "Jesus. I'm an idiot."

"Awesome."

Jeremy stopped himself as best as he could and grabbed Troy into a huge hug. "I'm sorry, Troy. This really isn't about you."