Simple Things(22)

"Have a good night, Jem," Carter said.

Jeremy gave a bright smile. "You too, gov'nor."

Carter rolled his eyes, hopped down from the truck, and made his way into his guest cabin.

He looked around, surprised at how unkempt the place was. He'd really  taken his fuck adulthood bit all the way. He was still living out of  suitcases and carry-on bags. Dirty clothes were piled up and there were  dishes in his sink from the few times he'd eaten there in the last  month. He shook his head.

Never in his short life had Carter lived in such chaos. It may seem a  small thing to others, but Carter didn't do things like leave the beds  unmade, he had been a soldier. Or kiss a man in his truck, there was  paparazzi. And he sure didn't have flings.

The first two, he could work on. The third, he wasn't ready to change.  There was a time limit enough in regards to Jeremy, mere weeks left  before life and duty would call him back. He thought of Jeremy and how  the man was honestly making an effort with his family, even if it was in  gradual steps. And Carter felt chastened by the fact he had let himself  get so angry at his parents-and at himself, if he was honest-that he  let himself go, in a proverbial way.

Suddenly not as sleepy as he had been, he began to organize his clothes,  putting away the clean ones and dropping the dirty ones into a hamper  to take up to the main house tomorrow. He had been acting like a spoiled  asshole for long enough.

Maybe getting other things in order would help him figure out truly what  his next move would be, then maybe he could figure out where Jeremy fit  in the new order of things. Because it would be nice not to let the man  go.

He would not get his hopes up. He still thought Jeremy might have  hang-ups over Troy. Just the name made Carter want to gnash his teeth.  But he had to be stable again for himself, then he could possibly  convince Jeremy their friendship might be stable enough-together- to see  if something might come from keeping in touch once they had left here.

Because seeing Jeremy so happy, so quiet tonight because he'd been as  content as he'd been thoughtful, had Carter certain he was feeling more  than mere lust for the man. Always had, if he was being honest.

He looked over at the clock, realizing it wasn't too late. Step one in  getting everything back in order required some heavy lifting and some  planning.

Squaring his shoulders, Carter retrieved his phone from his pocket and  dialed. On the second ring, he got a, "Hello, sweetheart. I was just  thinking about you."

He tamped down on a bitter I'm sure you were, and instead said, "Hi, mom. I thought we could talk."

She sighed. "All right." There was a shuffling and she mumbled something  about holding her calls. "Sorry. I'm still in the office." Of course  she was. But more gently than Carter was accustomed, he heard, "I'm all  ears."

"I don't want to get into everything over the phone. And I'm not apologizing for leaving for a while-"

"I don't expect-"

"No, let me finish." He paused, waiting to see if she would try to talk  over him again. When she didn't, he continued. "Mom, I love you. But I'm  really pissed right now. And probably not about what you think."                       
       
           



       

"You'd be surprised how succinctly Ella let me know why you're pissed.  And for the record, I don't blame you. Neither does your father. He  didn't know I'd told you to …  God, I'm a horrible mother."

"But a brilliant politician," Carter said with more levity than he felt.

"I'd say a pretty typical politician, letting my son down, justifying  that it's for the greater good. And Carter, I know it's not. I did mess  up."

"But you want to retain your seat?"

She was silent for a beat. "Unless I'm forced out by legal means, yes.  But if you're wondering if I'm saying the other things simply to get  your help with that, absolutely not. Even if I don't entirely blame you  for thinking it."

"I don't. Honestly. I never thought you were …  that person. I think  that's why you telling me not to come out was such a surprise."

"It was-"

"A mistake. I know. I'm trying to forgive. I'll be back home in time for  summer classes. I think I'm getting a better clue about what I'd like  to do with my life. We'll talk more seriously then. It's still hard to  be civil."

"But that's my little Carter," she said, regretfully. "You'd never ever  been one for histrionics. Or emotional outbursts. You leaving was so out  of character. I'm ashamed how we handled it."

Carter was finished with his understanding for the night. He was worn  out again, tired to the bone. "I'll let you know for sure when I'll be  back in New York. Maybe I'll layover in D.C. first."

After they had hung up, Carter was surprised how much weight he had  lifted off his shoulders. Still, inside him, there was a little boy who  wanted to scream and kick and yell at his mother for all the times he  had been alone or wanted a hug or just wanted it acknowledged he was gay  and that was okay. Because she had never really said it.

But he was a grown man. He had made his choices, his parents had made  theirs. The rest might be something for a therapist to figure out, but  Carter could say, aside from being a bit directionless, that he wasn't  unhappy with his life. Not as unhappy as he had thought months ago. He  may not have been out publicly, but his nearest and dearest knew, and he  had made sound decisions about whom he had given intimate parts of  himself to. And call it antiquated, but he was still glad about that.  Even if this thing with Jeremy was just a fling, his most intimate  firsts had been with someone he cared about.

His phone buzzed, a picture message from Ella. It was a picture of her  socked feet propped on their coffee table in their apartment in New  York, wine glass and a cheese plate beside them. Fancy Fridays aren't  the same without you.

And for the first time, Carter could admit to himself that he was  missing his life. He loved the break, he loved his time home, but he  missed his apartment and his things, and he missed the routine of  classes and the gym. And pretty images of Jeremy in his bed having wine  and cheese with Carter and Ella on Fridays was enough to chase Jeremy  into a restful, if a little hopeful, sleep.





13





"Wait, wait, wait," Chris said, snatching Carter's phone from Sarah's  hand. Chris's first dinner with the parents had come and gone, and in  the week since, he had spent a couple of afternoons hanging out at the  ranch.

Carter reached for his phone, but Chris held it back. Carter looked  imploringly at Sarah and Jeremy, but they were both too busy laughing to  be of any assistance. Carter was glad to see Jeremy smiling again-even  if it was at his expense. He may have looked at the man a moment too  long, but Jeremy just winked, still smiling, before Carter tried to get  his phone back again.

Since the "date night", Jeremy's thoughtfulness had melted away into  that same old camaraderie they had shared the previous weeks. But there  was something new to it. There was something more relaxed and open, and  he had this kind of quiet peacefulness around him that hadn't truly  existed until that night out.

Or maybe it was just Carter's wishful thinking, and having gotten some  of the chaos in his life straightened out. He'd insisted to his mother  that he would stay a few more weeks, and that when he came back, while  he wouldn't do any big interviews or anything, he was officially living  his life out and proud and Ella was free of her cloistered life as his  fake-but-not-confirmed girlfriend. He even thought he had figured out  what he wanted to do with his training, where he wanted to focus his  schooling.

But right now, he would deal with the pain in the ass at hand. "It's  just a thing we do," he said, realizing he was whining, which didn't  help.                       
       
           



       

"You're telling me that you, who was all quiet at camp, who grew up to  be a big, bad army boy … ." Chris was laughing again and missed his chance  to block Carter from finally taking his phone back and shoving it in  his pocket.

"It's just wine, geez." Carter crossed his arms and settled in front of the small bonfire they had started, sipping on his beer.

"Yeah, Red. Just wine. And cheese. And Golden Girls reruns," Jeremy teased.

"Et tu, Jem?"

"You call it Fancy Fridays!" Chris snickered. Carter turned his nose up and drank more.

"You guys, stop picking on him." Sarah turned to Carter. "I'm sorry. I  shouldn't have teased." She glared down her brother and her boyfriend.  "You wouldn't be making fun of him for not conforming to gender  stereotypes, would you?"