The Jedi who fall are the most dangerous of all.” - line from a childrens rhyme
Dray watched the bright red star disappear into the darkness of the horizon. His thoughts were a jumbled mass, and as the sun vanished so did his hope of untangling those chaotic feelings… It was always worse at night, when he had nothing to do but stare up at the endless expanse of black sky and consider his plight.
He had come to this world at the edge of the Galactic Frontier to try and salvage his very soul. The Republics Astrogation Survey Team had yet to explore the planet, so it had no designation. Since he made the discovery, Dray figured he should also give his new home a name… He called it Vigil.
At first, the verdant forest planet seemed like a perfect place for introspection and healing. However, its pastoral beauty only caused Dray more pain as he came to a terrible realization. The idyllic serenity of the environment served as a daily reminder that such tranquillity would never again be his… In the past, Dray had been the master of his emotions, but peace was now merely a fleeting dream.
He fled civilized space in order to escape his troubles. But there was never any escape, no matter where he went… Not even on Vigil.
Dray often contemplated leaving, but to go where? He would merely be hunted down as he was before, and Dray was tired of running. So he remained on the planet - both his paradise and perdition….
He stretched out a tentative hand, like an infant reaching for its mother. Almost immediately he experienced the tingling sensation of the Force surging around his fingertips. A small chill touched the base of his spine with the knowing caress of an old lover.
Dray sighed and rested himself in the small clearing under a canopy of wide-leaf arcosia trees. The delicately sweet smell of the foliage drifted through his nostrils and he drank in the aroma.
Sitting cross-legged with his hands folded across his lap, Dray closed his eyes. The scent of arcosia swept into his lungs. He quieted himself down until all that remained was the sound of his own breath.
Dray opened himself up to the harmony of nature… The shrill calls of the prismwings taking flight conjured up a breathtaking image of the brightly colored birds streaking a rainbow through the sky. He concentrated on distinguishing between the soft hoots of the other avians, the snuffling cries resounding from a hundred species of animals, and the tinny warbles of the bewildering array of insects.
His breathing became slower, more exact, falling into an almost lulling rhythm. Dray tried to remember the meditative exercises taught to him by his Master, Ven-Mah Tyrrahl. He had not been able to call upon them in a very long time.
Since…
A sharp pain nearly cut through his concentration, twisting like a vibroblade in his gut.
He would never forget that day.
His meditation had come to an abrupt end when Yeres Threem burst into the botanical garden. The Vultan Jedi adept was demanding answers and Dray had none to give his friend.
Drays face twitched as he relived the awful moment.
Threem was beyond reason, attempting to kill Dray, but that hardly mattered. Threem knew the truth and therefore had to die.
For what? a familiar voice demanded to know. Dray could not identify it, so for the moment he ignored it.
Dray could still hear the clash of their lightsabers, feel the haft of his weapon vibrate in his hand, smell the horrid cauterization of flesh.
Then he was standing over the body of one of his closest friends. Dray could still see the terrible, empty look on the Vultans face. Those dark eyes like dull transparisteel accusing Dray of betrayal long after Threem had stopped breathing.
It was the first Jedi that Dray had killed. It would not be the last…
Other memories began to flood his mind, threatening to disrupt his contemplation. Dray took a cleansing breath, let go his focus, cleared his thoughts.
He tried again and suddenly heard the words of his Master echoing through his head.
Try and you will always fail. Success is not a goal. It is a conscious decision.
Dray increased his concentration.
The characteristic sounds of his adopted planet fell away as he searched for something else. Sweat beaded on his forehead, matting his hair, and dripping down his back in icy rivulets. He released his awareness of the physical body and grasped for something greater.
For a moment Dray feared the ability was lost to him… No… Wait.
There.
He heard it, hushed at first but growing ever stronger. The heartbeat of his new home… The resonant geothermal pulse that warmed the cold rock.
Dray slowly timed his own heartbeat to Vigils, and they became as one. The crude vessel of the body could no longer contain his spirit. Dray did not fully abandon his physical form, but embraced it into the whole of his being and moved beyond. Into nature. He was the rocks, the trees, the animals, the lakes, the dirt. The world.