Shifters in the Shadows(193)

I thanked him, of course. I was grateful, after all. For everything he'd done—saving me, staying with me.

Or was I?

If he hadn't saved me, would I be with Cole now?

Would I have preferred to be with Cole now?

Would it be possible? To be with Cole? Now?





Chapter 8





I felt like someone else was going through the motions, and I was only watching.

I made my first stop, parking the car and going inside like I was on auto pilot. I made my selection, waited in line and paid the cashier. I made small talk as she handed me my receipt and I left the store.

I parked down the block from my second stop, sitting in the car for a while, thinking, fingering the package of hazelnuts the cashier had asked if I wanted her to put in a bag. I hadn't.

I fondled the package like it was a stress ball, squeezing it, working my fingers into the places that gave way, only to unclench my fist to let the spaces fill as the contents shifted again.

Was I insane?

Could you back up on your own, personal freeway, ignoring the cars honking in protest around you, and take the exit ramp you'd missed before?

It was safer, of course, to drive on to the next exit, but who knew if the next exit was a mile up or a thousand miles up? And what did “safer” mean in this context, anyway?

I knew the destination I was aiming for; I just didn't know if I could still get there from here.

Actually, I knew the hazelnuts would get me there. I just didn't know if I'd arrive too late.

Would Cole be waiting for me even though I was making my own exit ramp, after the veil had closed?

I figured there was only one way to find out, right?

I got out of the car and walked the few blocks to the asylum. I found the loose fence everyone who'd ever snuck in there, or had heard about others sneaking in there, knew about and I shimmied my way onto the property. I aimed for the broken window, pried the plywood from it and slid inside.

I propped the plywood back over the window as well as I could from the inside and turned around, taking stock of the place without a huge party going on.

Lots of the decorations were still in place, since the Halloween party was a yearly thing and no one else but the occasional group of teens trying to scare the pants off of themselves and their friends ever entered the place.

It looked completely different in the light of day, and yet somehow exactly the same.

Party trash was everywhere, which made sense, since the party had just been the night before. I knew a clean-up crew would arrive later on in the day to pick up a lot of it—it was the one thing the city asked in exchange for allowing the yearly event. Well, one of the few things, right up there with not going deeper into the place than the main, front room, but the clean-up rule was actually followed.

With that thought in mind, that someone could show up here anytime, I aimed my footsteps toward the back of the room. Toward the door that I had forced my way through the night before, kicking all of this off.

I didn't have to force my way through it this time as it stood wide open, probably from all the activity passing through it just hours before, of partygoers and medics alike. For me.

To save me.

I paused in the doorway, but not for very long.

I stepped into the hall and turned, following the same path I had the night before, or that part of me had, anyway.

This time my whole body explored the halls, alone, until I found the room. I hadn't been completely sure it would really be there, since I hadn't really, physically been there before, but there it was.

I went inside, pulling the cold, metal door shut behind me. I leaned against it for a minute, just taking it in. It was sad and depressing to look at during the day, the small window not letting much light brighten the room. It had a bed in it, a bed we never utilized last time, as we never made it further than the door itself.

The door was cold against my back. It felt good. It helped cool the blood pumping through my veins as I made sure this was what I really wanted.

I looked down at the floor and saw it- the perfect foil square of the unopened condom I'd grabbed on my way here the night before. It had fallen out of my fingers when I let Cole's ghost have his way with me, thinking he was Mark.

It was real! It did happen! I thought. The condom proved it.

The condom bolstered my determination.

I nodded, more to myself than to anyone else, since I was quite alone.

I walked over to the bed and sat down, leaving the condom where it lay and ripping the tall, thin bag of hazelnuts open instead.

I tilted the bag into my hand and as soon as the first nut rolled onto my palm I popped it into my mouth and started to chew. I poured and popped the next two before I'd fully chewed the first one.

My heart was racing, though I wasn't sure if it was from nerves or if the nuts were doing their thing already. I had trouble swallowing the next few, but I wasn't sure if it was because I was eating them so fast or if my throat was closing for allergic reasons. I didn't think it mattered, to be honest.