Chapter 1
Austin, Texas
2013
Perspiration gathered on his skin, his hair wet, matted to his head. Caleb fought to release the images pounding through his brain as air sawed in and out of his chest.
Images he knew he’d never be rid of.
Pressing his palms to his eyes, he growled in frustration and threw his legs over the side of the bed. The dizziness that always accompanied the aftermath of his nightmare rolled over him. He waited a minute, staring out of the windows that surrounded his condo, allowing the peaceful beauty of the night sky to soothe him.
Running a hand over his face, he rose slowly, giving his head time to catch up with the change in altitude. He rested his fingertips on the nightstand, a safety net in case his legs decided to go the way of his head—topsy-turvy. A man shouldn’t feel this unsteady unless he’d had too much to drink—something Caleb rarely did, but he wouldn’t say no to a beer about now.
Ignoring the fact he was naked, he wandered toward the kitchen. He lived alone, not only in his condo, but on the entire top floor of the twenty-story building where he resided. There wasn’t much chance of anyone seeing him, especially through the one-way, reinforced glass he’d had installed in place of the original windows. Windows that ran the length of his condo and around both ends. From outside—day or night—it was impossible to see even the slightest light coming from his place, let alone anything else. But his view of the Austin skyline was stunning.
He’d revamped the space before moving in, removing most of the interior walls to create a space difficult to hide within. A space that allowed him room to breathe. He’d succumbed to adding walls around the two spare rooms and single bathroom on the opposite end, to preserve his sanity when one or more of his siblings happened to stay over.
His brothers and sister were the only people who had the key code to get on the floor, and getting into his condo took yet another access code, which he changed on a consistent basis. Okay, so he might’ve been obsessive with the remodel, but with all the death and destruction he’d seen in his life, he figured he was entitled to a little paranoia when it came to his home.
Reaching the refrigerator, he grabbed a beer; the light on the microwave told him what he’d already suspected.
Two a.m.
Two fucking hours of sleep. It was more than he got on most nights, but that didn’t make it any less frustrating. Twisting the cap off the bottle, Caleb circled back through and went into his bathroom.
He started the glass-enclosed shower, turning the water on as hot as he could stand it. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he turned, as if seeing a stranger. His hands shook as he leaned in, nose to nose with his reflection. He cursed, clutching the edge of the vanity like a lifeline.
Tiny lines wrinkled around his eyes, giving him the look of a man older than his thirty-five years. His hair stuck out in all directions on top, the result of his hands pulling through it, no doubt. His tanned skin had paled considerably.
He deserved all of it, he supposed. Every nightmare, every minute of sleep missed. He’d lost control and men had lost their lives. His men.
Never again.
Filled with disgust, he snatched his beer, brought it to his lips, and drained it dry. It wasn’t enough to dull the pain in his leg, the constant reminder of his failure all those years ago.
After a quick shower, he threw on some gym shorts and his favorite running shoes and headed for the treadmill. He preferred to run outside, but not at two in the morning in downtown Austin. He’d rather be out at the tactical training facility he and his siblings owned. The thousand-acre compound offered a lot of wide-open space, but he didn’t feel like driving the hour it took to get out there. Besides, maybe he could still exhaust himself into at least another hour or two of sleep.
Back in the main living area, he stepped on the machine and started it up. A quiet hum filled the room, but was soon smothered by the drum of his soles against the tread. He settled into his pace and hit the button to start up his iPod. Music blared to life, pouring from hidden speakers throughout the room. The pounding bass and fierce guitar urged him faster, helping him work through the pain now screaming through his left thigh. Sweat formed and trickled from his temples, purging toxins if not his sins.
His cell phone rang out, replacing the music with its shrill tone. The special display on his customized treadmill indicated it was Alec, his youngest brother. Caleb punched a button, not breaking his stride. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”
“I know exactly what time it is, Cay.” Alec’s voice reverberated through the living room. “Just like I know you’re on the treadmill again.”