Sex Unlimited(42)
“Can you please say something? Anything, please.”
The words fall out of my mouth before I can even register them with my ears. “You’re not divorced.”
He doesn’t look surprised or worried. “No, not technically.” His composure doesn’t waiver and the confusion grows.
“What does that mean?”
He motions inside my house. “Can I come in? I’ll tell you what it means. I knew when James saw me with Dawn last night he would do this. I came straight to you when I couldn’t get you on the phone. Just let me explain.”
My stomach flip flops, but not in a good way. I turn and run toward the bathroom. “I’m going to be sick…again. Don’t follow me.” I grip my stomach with one hand and hold the other over my mouth as I try to get to the toilet. I make it just in time. Again, I get up and wash my face and brush my teeth. My reflection in the mirror makes me wince. I look awful. He’s never seen me like this before and I’m mortified.
“Are you okay back there?” He yells. Padding down the hallway I find him still standing in the doorway. I never told him he could come in so he hadn’t. My heart melts a little and I motion for him to come in.
“You can come in.”
He shuts the door behind him. He looks exhausted, wearing the same jeans and shirt he had on last night. It looks like he never went to bed.
“You need to get some rest, Brisban. You didn’t need to come and explain yourself to me.”
His presence in my home feels oddly comforting despite the circumstances.
“I do have to explain. I want to explain.” His words are laced with desperation and all I want to do is hug him.
“Okay. Would you like something to drink? Coffee?”
He shakes his head. “No, I’m good.”
“Those circles under your eyes say otherwise.”
A light shrug of his broad shoulders and he says, “I’m tired but coffee can’t help this kind of tired.”
I sit down on the sofa and he sits in the wingback chair across from me.
“Dawn and I never finalized our divorce because there was no death certificate for our daughter and insurance issues got tied up in court. Dawn and I never could agree on things, therefore it was never final. I wouldn’t accept Willow’s death so I refused to finalize anything in regards to assets that would ultimately go to her. Dawn wanted everything over and done. Even though I always knew deep down she was gone, I wouldn’t let it be said out loud and, if I agreed to her terms, it was me saying my daughter was never coming back.”
Guilt parades through my head and tears prick my eyes. “I’m sorry for your loss.” I don’t know what else to say. What do you say in a moment like this anyway?
“Thank you. We are waiting for DNA results but I’ve accepted what I’ve always refused to accept. My little girl isn’t coming home. Not in the way I had hoped for, anyway.”
“You should be with Dawn right now, not me.” I feel so guilty that he’s here with me during a time like this.
“I care for Dawn. I always will but we have to deal with this separately, in our own ways. Things have been pretty rocky between us recently and right now it’s best to have some distance. I don’t know if you recall the night at the hotel when I seemed off. The night I didn’t want to talk? It wasn’t work bothering me. I met with Dawn that day to try and come to some kind of agreement with the divorce. It was an unpleasant meeting. We don’t communicate well at all anymore. She’s become bitter toward me because I didn’t reconcile our marriage.”
He drops his head and rubs both of his legs with his hands. “I’m sure you already know all of this if you’ve read her book.”
“Most of it, yes. The divorce stuff, no.”
He stands up and walks over toward the sofa. My eyes flit up and meet his gaze. “Can I sit here beside you? It’s hard being so close yet so far from you.”
I nod and as soon as he sits down I feel the warmth radiating off his body. We aren’t touching but our energy is mingling in the air, doing a seductive dance with one another.
“It feels wrong to have you here; like I’m betraying Dawn.”
He turns his body in to me slightly, his knee brushing against mine. “You’re not betraying anyone. She agreed to the divorce last night. We’re meeting with our attorney’s tomorrow. We have came to a mutual decision regarding everything.”
His hand is resting on the sofa just between his leg and mine. The cotton fabric of my old boxer shorts is peeking out from under my t-shirt. His pinky finger extends and begins tracing my thigh back and forth subtly. Chills dance across my skin instantly. I look up at him and he’s staring right at me.