Sex Says(107)
“Grumpy Cat’s column aside, I have another brilliant idea.”
“If this has anything to do with puppies interviewing celebrities or pigs writing food reviews or even fucking clowns, I don’t want to hear it.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Joe. No one likes clowns.” Stephen King had pretty much ruined the reputation of clowns. Once you’d read or watched the film adaptation of It, the circus and balloon animals and red-nosed jesters spelled the opposite of happy smiles and laughing children. They were the kinds of things nightmares were made of.
“Then, what is this brilliant idea?”
“Well, what would you say if I could get one of the most sought-after columnists in the San Francisco area on your payroll?”
“I’d say keep going.”
“It’s a guy who’s been out of the game for a little while, but he isn’t short on opportunities. He’s just yet to find the right match.”
“And you think we’d be the right match?”
“Yep.”
“And what kind of column would he write?”
“A satire column without boundaries. Nothing would be off the table.” At least, I was pretty sure that was what he’d write…
“All right,” he said after a pregnant pause. “I’m intrigued. Who is this mystery man you think could fill these kind of existential shoes?”
I closed my eyes as all of the truly full-circle notions of what I was doing rushed into my mind like a stampede. “Reed Luca.”
A shocked laugh barked from his lungs. “Are you shitting me right now?”
I opened my eyes, and as the sound of hoofbeats faded into the distance, a smile settled onto my face in their wake. “Nope.”
“You honestly think he’d be a good match?”
“Yep.” I wasn’t joking, and I had no doubts. Destiny was rounding the goddamn bend, and I could smell the sweetness of the finish line.
“And this doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that you just so happen to live with this guy?”
“Nope,” I answered honestly. Reed’s mind had so much to offer, but I was already reaping those benefits. This move wasn’t even about Reed—it was about everyone else.
“This sounds like a risk, Lola.”
“I can assure you it’s a good risk. One you’ll only profit from.”
“I don’t know…”
“You do know,” I chimed in. “His one and only YouTube video still gets thousands of views daily, and the instant he left the Journal, every other paper in the area tried to snatch him up.”
“Fine,” he finally answered. “I’ll consider this, but only under one condition.”
“And what’s that?”
“I want one thousand words from him on my desk by Monday,” he announced. “I need to see what this no-boundaries satire column will look like.”
“Deal.” A victorious smile crested my lips.
Even though Reed didn’t have a clue about his future column, it didn’t matter. It also didn’t matter that I now had to convince Reed to write a column by Monday.
Just minor details.
“All right, JoJo. I’ll see you on the flip side.”
“JoJo,” he muttered, and the exasperation in his voice could’ve been heard in LA. “Sometimes I wonder why I always find myself letting everything slide with you.”
“Because you love me,” I teased. “And if you could clone me, you’d do it because I’m your favorite employee.”
“Yeah,” he said, but it wasn’t in the form of agreement. “I need a clone of you about as much as I need to give my wife another credit card.”
“Uh-oh…more shipments from Groupon?”
Joe’s wife had a penchant for buying anything and everything that came with a sale or a coupon. And Groupon was her number one go-to site. About a month ago, I’d stopped by the offices for a meeting and witnessed one of her genius purchases—The Banana Bunker.
Basically, it was a plastic container to protect your banana from getting bruised during transport, but it was ribbed and phallus-shaped. Yeah, it had looked exactly like a dildo, and by the time I saw it, Joe had been carrying it around for an entire day.
“I’m ending this call before you start talking about that goddamn banana bumper or whatever the heck it was called.”
“Banana Bunker, Joe,” I corrected on a laugh.
“Fucking hell,” he muttered. “You’re never going to let that die, are you?”
“Even when you’re on your deathbed, I’ll whisper the words ‘Remember that dildo you were using for your bananas, Joe?’ in your ear.”