Severed Souls(104)

He felt sick and dizzy at the implications. He felt lost and confused.

“Zedd, with so many good people depending on you, how could you make such a decision? I mean, how were you able to do it?”

Zedd thought for a time. “It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. At the same time, it was easy because I was doing it out of love for your mother, and for you, even though you hadn’t been born, yet. I wanted you both to have a life away from any duty but to live for the joy of living. In that time and place, while I had quit and was lost to the rest of the world, you learned what made you the man you are today.

“After all is said and done, Richard, perhaps Magda Searus was telling you the exact same thing, that you can’t really save the world of life, and in fact your attempt to do so may be what ends it. Maybe she also saw in the Twilight Count that you needed to take your own beloved Confessor, and go make your own destiny.

“Maybe ending prophecy meant to quit being a slave to it.”

With his left hand Richard gripped the hilt of the Sword of Truth sheathed at his hip. He spoke softly, but firmly.

“I’m fighting for the kind of world I want to live in, Zedd, the kind of world where people can live their lives for themselves, where they can work, create, trade, and live without the threat of others taking everything from them—much like the world you fled to and where you raised me.”

“That’s the kind of world I would wish to live in, too, Richard, but it is nothing more than a wish.

“For those reasons and more, I know that I have grown tired of life. I am weary of struggling against such endless depravity. It seems to me that there is less and less to live for all the time. The two people I love most in the world, you and Kahlan, seem condemned to lives of endless fighting and war that is gradually destroying everything good in the world.

“I ask myself all the time, what is there to live for anymore? I can’t live in peace. My whole life, until I quit and fled to Westland, was spent in a life-and-death struggle with that evil. It never ends. I am tired of it, tired of the struggle, tired of the withering plague of hatred, tired of everything.

“That is why I say you need to quit and enjoy what you can of your life while you have it, while you still can.

“Give it up, Richard. Go and live for yourself. Forget the rest of the world. Let the inevitable happen as it will. In the meantime, turn your back to all the hate, take the joy you can, and live for yourselves. Just as I did, you will find that after a time the savage streak in mankind becomes a distant memory and unimportant. Let it become unimportant to you and Kahlan.”

Richard fell back on what was most important to him. “But fighting this struggle has also won me Kahlan.”

Zedd shot him a look. “Then take what you have won and walk away before you end up losing it.

“When we get that poison out of you, just walk away, Richard. That’s my advice. Walk away before you lose it all.

“I will miss you, and may die of a broken heart not to have you close to me, but I will be able to die happy knowing that you are happy and at peace somewhere with Kahlan. I will fight on, knowing that you two are safe and living life.

“I love you both and want you to have that life together.

“That’s what love really is, you know, wanting the best for those you love, no matter how much it may hurt you to let them go.”

Richard smiled, then. “Zedd, how in the world could I ever be happy without you in my life?”

“Ah, well, my boy, there is that problem.”





CHAPTER

49

“Kahlan, are you awake?”

Kahlan looked back over her shoulder and saw that it was Nicci leaning down close.

She turned and sat up. “What is it?”

Nicci glanced at the empty bedroll. “Where’s Richard?”

Kahlan gestured across the encampment. “He said that he wasn’t tired after being unconscious for so long so he wanted to go check on the sentries. He told me to get some rest and he would be back soon. Why, what is it? Is something wrong?”

Nicci drew her lower lip between her teeth as she briefly glanced to each side. “Can I talk to you? Privately?”

Kahlan was exhausted and in no mood to talk, but she knew that Nicci had to be just as tired. She also knew that the woman never engaged in idle chitchat. If she wanted to talk, it was because it was important or there was something wrong.

Kahlan looked around. There were other people not too far away. They had wanted to keep the encampment tight in case there was an attack. Now that everyone was bedded down and quiet they could easily be within earshot. Nicci had said “privately.” Kahlan pointed off to the side of camp.