Serenity Falls(105)
“No, he’s not here. He went back to Dallas that night everything happened between you two. But why? I mean, I have no problem giving it to you, but talk to me. What’s going on?” she asks concerned.
Regret courses deep in my veins. I sigh, telling her exactly how I feel. “I made the biggest mistake of my life. I should have never told him no, Mrs. Sandy. These past two weeks, I’ve been suffocating, and I know it’s because I don’t have Wes, his love, in my life. I never thought I could miss someone so much. He told me that he used to be a shell of a man, but now, I’m a shell of a woman. I have to go to him. I need to go to him. I love him.”
“And he loves you, Dear.”
She gives me Wes’ address and reassures me that everything will be just as it should as we hang up. Before I toss my phone back onto the passenger seat, I plug in Wes’ address, and let Siri take over.
Almost five hours later, I take the last left and Siri tells me that I have finally arrived at my destination. This place is exactly what I pictured when Wes told me that he owned a small ranch on the outskirts of Dallas. There are no rolling hills, just wide-open spaces. I look from left to right as I drive down Wes’ driveway. My breath catches as I pull up in front of his house. Whitewashed stone decorates the front of the house and large wooden pillars support the archway that hangs over the front door. A Texas star made of wrought iron is secured to the stone above the windows. My hands tightly clench the steering wheel as I rest my head against it. My limbs shake with nervousness and anticipation of seeing him. I am so fucking scared right now. If he rejects me, sends me on my way, I will never be the same. A part of me would like to think that I would survive, that eventually one day I would be able to move on, but I know that I won’t. I’m not the strong person that I wish I could be. The remaining pieces of my heart would mend, but… No, there are no remaining pieces. I gave my whole heart to Wes that Fourth of July night in the middle of a field, under a million stars when I told him I loved him. A loud tap on my window causes me to jump, and pulls me out of my thoughts. My breath catches deep in my throat as I look out the window. Wes.
The sight of him will haunt me for the rest of my life. The sandy blond hair that I love to run my fingers through is completely gone. I can’t believe he shaved his head. His normally bright, blue eyes are dull, sunken in, and almost lifeless. They’re blood shot and rimmed red like he’s been crying. He’s lost weight. The angles of his face are sharper and more pronounced than they used to be. His once fitted shirt is now beginning to hang off his sculpted form. “Are you going to roll down the window or not?” he asks in an almost growl.
With shaky, sweaty hands, I roll down the window, but before I can speak, he asks in a seething tone, “What are you doing here? Come to break my fucking heart some more? How did you find out where I live?”
His words and tone make me wince, physically and emotionally. But I deserve every bit of it. I turned him into this person. He went from happy, carefree, and loving to guarded, bitter, and pissed. “N-no,” I stammer out.
“Then why the fuck are you here?”
“I wanted to talk to you. See how you’re doing.” I whisper.
“Talk to me? See how I’m doing? Are you fucking serious right now? Well, let me see,” he sneers the words, with both hands on his hips, his head cocked to the side. “I’m doing just great. I can’t sleep,” he says, his voice rising. “I can’t fucking eat!” Higher. “I can’t get out of bed!” Higher. “I want to fucking forget you, but I CAN’T! YOU ARE IN EVERYTHING I SEE, EVERYTHING I DO! YOU ARE IN EVERY GODDAMN MEMORY I HAVE FROM THIS SUMMER, AND I JUST WANT TO FUCKING FORGET YOU, BUT I CAN’T!” He shouts at me. The veins in his neck and forehead bulge against his skin. Shocked, and my eyes are as wide as saucers I’m sure, I can’t help but sink back in my seat, actually afraid of him for the first time ever. His words sting—they sting badly, because no matter what, I would never want to forget him. I love him. “I want so badly to forget you, but I can’t, because I love you too damn much.” He drops his head, whispering in defeat.
When I hear his breath shudder on intake, I throw the door open, climb out, and tentatively wrap my arms around him. His body tenses from the initial contact, but after a few minutes, he begins to loosen up. Slowly, cautiously, his arms come up and wrap around me. I’m crushed in his strong hold as he crumbles to his knees, forcing me down with him so that I straddle his legs. Beneath my hold, sobs rack his body as he pulls me in closer to him. Tears flow rapidly down my face as I whisper through hiccups, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m so, so sorry. I love you so much.”