Seeker (Riders #2)(73)

"I have a bigger sword. This isn't just about me. If we let Samrael out, we're endangering everyone. We'd be right back where we started. We know he's a mind manipulator. I know what he can do-it's not good, Daryn. He uses your worst fears against you. I only experienced it for a few weeks. Bas has been here for months."

"You think he brainwashed Bas?"

"What other explanation is there?"

"Bas is telling the truth. Samrael has changed. Why else would he want to leave here? In the fall, Samrael's entire goal was getting in here to amass power, remember? He wanted to form an evil army with the Kindred. Maybe he doesn't want that anymore. Maybe he wants what Bas is saying. A fresh start."

"No," I say. "It's what Samrael wants us to think, but he hasn't changed. If we let him out of the Rift, all hell breaks loose. He'll form his own little band of rebel demons and it'll be the same thing all over again. Or worse. We stopped the Kindred in the fall, Daryn. They need to stay stopped. I have no problem carrying around some personal guilt if it means keeping thousands, maybe millions of innocent people safe.

"If we do what Bas wants and go to this fortified location, the odds are I'll kill Samrael, or he'll kill me. That's just the reality here. It's the reality of this situation."

Daryn blinks at me. Then she takes my wrist and pulls my arm around her, tucking her head against my chest like she's listening for my heartbeat. 

I freeze. I'm clenching my teeth so hard I'm giving myself a headache. "You're throwing me off balance here, Martin. What is this tactic, anyway?"

"I just like the way you feel."

I hear myself laugh. It sounds like the laugh of someone in pain.

She firms her grip around my waist, and her body heat reaches me. Her scent. One breath at a time, she wins. I relax and pull her all the way in. "You kill me, Martin," I whisper into her hair. "I really like you."

She reaches for my prosthetic, and weaves her fingers through its metal ones like it's part of me. "Same."

It's so quiet that I can hear her every breath. I scan the area around us, checking for relics, hauntings. Harrows. I don't know what it's like to not expect danger anymore.

"Gideon," Daryn says, her voice gentle and soft. "We have to leave room to consider every possibility."

I thought we were done. I wanted to be done. "I can't, Daryn. I'm not trying to be bullheaded. But I can't forgive Samrael for what he did. We could talk about this for a year. I'm never going to see this the way you do."

"Then trust me. Trust how I see it."

"You know I trust you. Don't put me in this position."

She leans back and looks at me. "Think about it? Just think about it."

How can I say no? I nod.

She smiles. "Thanks." She slides into my lap and wraps her arms around my neck. Then there's nothing else but her.

* * *

As Daryn leads me back to the campfire she tells me that nothing needs to be decided now. "At least just be near us. The important thing right now is that we're together again."

I keep my trap shut. The important thing right now is that we need to get out of here. The important thing is that we have a real problem on our hands-one we need to address quickly.

We've been lucky to avoid the Harrows since we came in last time with Cordero's group. And the hauntings have sucked, but we've survived them. All of that could change in a heartbeat. We need a firm exit plan. We need to take action.

When we get back to the campsite, Jode and Sebastian are sacked out and only Marcus is awake, keeping watch.

"I've got it," I tell him, dropping against a tree. "I'll keep a lookout."

He nods. He knows I'll be up anyway. Then he rolls into his blanket.

I'm still not sure where we stand. I can't tell if he's still pissed at me for something a dozen fake me's did.

Daryn plops down beside me. "I'll stay up with you," she says, shaping her backpack into a pillow.

"It's okay. Better for only one of us to be tired."

She smiles. "Okay. Then I'll sleep."

She stretches out beside me. I twirl the wavy hair at the base of her neck around my fingers and watch her eyes drift closed.

I wonder how it'll be when we get out of here. If things will change. If I'll still get to do stuff like this, touch her like she's mine. I imagine introducing her to Anna, and how that would go. I think they'd get along really well-a painter and a writer. I picture Mom meeting Daryn and get choked up, because there's no chance Dad will ever know her.

After a while, my thoughts grow darker. I imagine breaking earth and splintering sheets of ice. I see Low's brutalized, lifeless body.

Then my mind reaches back into my past and I see the things Samrael planted in my head once.