Second Chances(18)

He ignored the smiling flight attendant and her completely insincere 'bu-bye'. Nathan broke out in a cold sweat as he exited the plane and found that Paige wasn't waiting for him in the jetway. He tried to slow his breathing.

His eyes roamed the terminal as soon as he exited the jetway. Faces everywhere, smiling men and women, screaming children, aggravated men in business suits and many more, none of them familiar. Strangers one and all. He started to feel a little dizzy.

"Nathan."

It was her voice. It sounded like no more than a whisper to him and for a moment he was certain it was nothing more than a phantom. An echo of a memory that he refused to let go of. Had she even been on the flight? Had he dreamt it all? Perhaps he had completely lost it. Was it possible that he had been traveling alone all this time?

"Nathan," her voice came again, a little more forceful this time.

He turned and there she was, standing behind him off to the right by the window, He was flooded with relief and terror. There she was or so he believed. Was this just a continuing delusion or was that truly his wife? Did it really matter?

"I...I thought that...," he began as he joined her.

"I'd run away?"

He nodded. "Or...that maybe I had imagined it all," he admitted.

"I thought about it. Running I mean."

Nathan remained silent.

"I don't know if maybe you haven't imagined some of this, all of it perhaps. But I appear to be that woman in those photographs. I don't know how that can be. Until today I had never seen you before. Never heard your name before. But there I am or rather she is. I mean she bares more than just a passing similarity with me, but I know that is not me."

He heard the edge in her voice, knew she was trying her best to remain calm and in control. Was she trying to convince him or herself?

"I really wanted to just slip away, disappear into the crowds and get away from you."

Nathan looked at her, his mouth slightly open, eyes wide.

"I would never hurt you."

"I believe you. The truth is, I am not afraid of you. Not really. I mean, you scared the hell out of me back there when you first told me who you were and who you think I am, but I am not afraid of you. I don't believe that you would hurt me. I believe the emotions I hear in your words, even if I don't truly believe the words themselves. Does that make any sense?"

"I...I think so."

"So it isn't you that I am afraid of. It is what you represent that I fear. Can you understand that?"

Nathan nodded.

"So while I wanted to slip away, I won't. I don't think I truly could. If I did, I don't think I would ever know a peaceful night's rest again. Maybe I won't anyway."

The look on her face, a mixture of confused fear and despair, broke Nathan's heart. He wanted to reach out, to pull her close and comfort her. But of course he didn't, knew he couldn't. Not yet anyway, maybe never again. How cruel was that? The woman he loved more than anything in the world was in pain only inches from him and he knew there wasn't anything he could do about it.

"All I know is that I need to find answers to all of the questions rolling around in my head."

"And it's the answers to those questions that is really the root of your fears," he stated.

She nodded.

He looked down and leaned in towards her. "Mine too."

She wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or cry. To hug him or hit him. They were united in their fear, she supposed that was something. Partners in a mystery.

"So what do we do now? Where do we go from here?"

"I am honestly not sure," Nathan admitted.

"I've never been here before. San Diego I mean. A friend of mine has gotten me a job, on a trial basis anyway. She was supposed to meet me here."

Nathan looked around, even though he didn't have a clue who he might be looking for and then let out a laugh and shook his head.

"I guess you mean at baggage."

Paige shook her head.

"No. I used your computer and emailed her from the plane. Told her not to come. Guess there goes my job," she said with a shrug.

"Then you had already..."

"Decided to stay? To figure this out?"

He nodded.

"Like I said, I would never be able to sleep again. Not without finding out some answers. Can't step into the future until you make peace with the past. My dad used to say that a lot."

"I know," he said softly. "So did you." And Nathan realized, so did he. He'd written it more than once in his journals and hearing Paige's voice say those words once more warmed his heart, but also sent chills down his spine.

"What did you tell your friend?"

"That something had come up and I needed to deal with it first."

"She didn't ask you what it was? She didn't argue with you?"