Seaside Embrace(30)

She laughed at that and quickly trapped her lower lip between her teeth. Her brows knitted. “Okay.”

“Okay, what?”

“God, you’re a pain. Okay, fine. I’ll only be with you, but we’re not boyfriend and girlfriend, and I can’t promise—”

He pressed his lips to hers and lifted her off her feet and deepened the kiss. With kisses like this, how could she ever deny that they were so much more than a hookup?

“I can’t,” she said between kisses, “change, Hunter.” He kissed her again, and she pushed his mouth away. “I’m selfish. My life is crazy. I’m not good at commitments, and I’m not sure you are either.”

He huffed in annoyance, lifting her higher and guiding her legs around his waist. “You’re also a stubborn pain in the ass, but I’m pretty sure I know what I’m getting into. Now shut the hell up and kiss me.”

Hunter carried her inside and debated carrying her straight into the bedroom to show her just how much he wanted this to work, but he knew they’d never get any more talking done if he did. They had one day without distractions, and he intended to take full advantage of the time and show Jana just how right they were for each other.


***

JANA WATCHED HUNTER as he read through her lists and the notes she’d taken about opening a studio. His confession had left her reeling and feeling a little overwhelmed, and they’d sat on the couch and talked for a long time about things that weren’t as scary, like how she’d ended up in that tight dress and spiky heels. He’d laughed when she’d admitted that while onstage, she’s been pretending she really was Taylor Swift. She’d told him about crying when she’d heard that she didn’t get the space at Seaside and how she’d been taken by surprise by her tears. He’d told her that those tears should have been her first eye opener about how much the studio actually meant to her. And he’d held her when tears threatened again with her confession, and he’d whispered, I wish I could have been there to help you feel better. He offered comfort without judgment. He was the one person she thought she never wanted to see her weaknesses, and somehow, when he did, he made her feel stronger for it.

They’d picked up her car from Seaside and spent all afternoon talking. They’d talked about his mom and how much he missed her. He’d shared his heartache over his father’s alcoholism, and she’d seen the relief of having his father whole again written all over his face. She realized how he must have felt, seeing her that drunk. Not just last night, but most of the times they’d hooked up, and she realized she’d been using alcohol as an escape, too, and it was time to stop.

Now, as she watched him reading over her notes, she was filled with emotion for the man who probably should have run from her, and instead, he’d not only opened himself up, but he was helping her slow down and do the same.

She’d expected him to skim her notes, at best, but he really seemed to care. He was concentrating, pointing to words, then looking away, as if he were thinking about what he’d read.

He closed the notebook and placed his hand over the top of it. “You’ve done your homework.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Maybe Marco will come back and things will be better.” She reached for the notebook, but he wouldn’t let it go.

“Since when are you a quitter?” he said harshly.

She was baffled by his swift attitude change. “I’m not a quitter.” She yanked the notebook from his hands. God, would they always bump heads, even after such a nice few hours?

He scoffed. “You must not have wanted your own studio very badly, then.”

“I just told you that I cried because I wanted it so badly, and you know I don’t cry. I scream and yell, but I never cry,” she challenged. “Having my own studio would mean that I could go back to doing theater. I could make my own hours, my own decisions. God, Hunter.” She shifted her eyes away, annoyed at herself for snapping at him.

“Then why are you giving up? Just because you lost one space that was handed to you? Let’s get out there and find you another space.”

“Oh, like it’s that easy?” She rolled her eyes.

“Nothing worth anything is easy. Jesus, look at you.” His smile told her he was only half kidding, but he was right. Jana knew she was anything but easy. “Lucky for you, maybe it can be easier for you than for most people. You can use our empty building out on Route 6.”

“I am not using your space.” She got up and paced the living room.

“Why not?”

“Because we’re involved. Mixing business and pleasure is never a good idea.”

“Jana, it’s in the perfect location, with plenty of parking, no retail neighbors to complain about loud music or whatever other concerns you might have, and it’s mine, which means you can use it without worrying about a shitty landlord.”

“No.” She continued pacing. “It complicates things too much.”

He rose to his feet and blocked her path, anger rolling off of him in waves.

“When will you step out of your own stubborn way? Open your eyes and take what’s being offered. Everything you want is right here in front of you.”

She flinched at the tone of his voice and wondered if he meant him or the space he was offering. “It’s not a good idea.”

“You made it very clear that we’re not girlfriend and boyfriend, and I can deal with that, but, Jana…” He pulled her in close again—he was always pulling her in close lately, and not just for sex, but making her feel special and important. Like she was the only thing that mattered and he wanted to keep her safe. She wasn’t used to that.

The tension in him eased as their bodies came together. “Baby, what I’m offering has nothing to do with sex, or us, or commitments. It has to do with you achieving your dreams.”

She wanted to trust that he was telling her the truth, but she was still reeling from how much had changed between them—and inside her—in the past few hours. She didn’t fully trust it. They were both committing to something they’d fought forever. But not really. She honestly hadn’t even tried to pick up a man in six months, and she’d only slept with Hunter. Whether she’d acknowledged it to herself or not before she was forced to, it was the truth.

“So, your offer has absolutely nothing to do with control?” she asked. “Or wanting to keep me under your thumb?”

He pushed away. “No. Jesus, is that what you think?” He fisted his hands and walked around the couch.

She wondered if he was going to walk right out the door, and the thought brought a rise of renewed panic. She was messing everything up between them, and she didn’t want to mess them up; she just needed to slow them down. Or maybe it was her life she needed to slow down.

Thankfully, Hunter didn’t head for the door. He went into the kitchen and leaned against the counter with his back to her. She had pushed him away so hard, so many times, and he never ran away. She took a step closer to where he stood and stopped when he turned around, his gorgeous dark eyes laden with defeat.

“Jana, I know I’m aggressive, and I get why you’d think I want to control things, but can’t you see I’m trying here? I may be an asshole sometimes, but I’d never try to control you. You’re like a wild horse. You can’t be tamed or chained.”

He searched her eyes as he had earlier, and this time she was sure he saw her heart opening up to him, because she couldn’t stop it if she tried. No one had ever seen her so clearly before, understood what she’d felt like her whole life. There was so much she wanted to do—boxing, dancing, theater…him.

“That’s one of your most alluring qualities.” He smiled, shook his head. “Believe it or not, I like who you are, and I don’t want to change you. I just want to be with you. To experience life with you and see you happy. When you talk about opening your own studio, your entire face lights up, and I’d hate to see you give that up so easily. Especially when easy isn’t any part of who you are.”

The sincerity in his voice was too genuine to deny. He really was interested in helping her, walking beside her, not carrying her. And at a time when he could have told her she was easy to get in bed, he didn’t take that half-teasing stab. He’d somehow made her feel stronger again, and that overwhelmed her, softened her toward him even more.

“You are probably the only person who sees me for who I really am, and…” Her feelings for him warred with the fear of somehow hurting him—or herself. “I appreciate that more than you can know. And I love that you want to be with me, not control me. But can I think about it? See the space?” she asked as she came around the couch and joined him.

“Of course.” He didn’t look mad, just resigned, like he knew she’d need time.

“Shouldn’t you talk to Grayson about it first?” She reached for his hand, and this time when he pulled her in close, she wrapped her arms around him and soaked in the comfort he offered. “I’m sorry. Everything is changing so fast. You’re so sure of it all, and it’s just going to take me some time.”