Seaside Embrace(29)

When he finally spoke, his tone was calm and confident, with no trace of his usual demands. “I want to tell Sky we’re dating.”

That was not at all what she’d anticipated. “That’s why you want to talk?”

“No.” He looked over at her. “Yes, partly, but not solely.”

“But we’re not even dating, Hunter. Why would you want to tell her anything?”

“Okay, then I want to officially date you, and then I want to tell her. I don’t keep secrets from my family, Jana. Maybe I used to, but it’s not the man I want to be with you. It’s not the man I want to be anymore.”

“I told you when we first met that I’m not the girlfriend type. And you said you never wanted to settle down. So where is this coming from?” The tentative tone of her voice didn’t surprise her. It mirrored the conflicting emotions she’d been battling on a daily basis.

He turned so his entire body faced her, one arm across the back of the swing. He took her hand in his.

“Where?” He shrugged. “My heart, I guess. I’m not good at this stuff, and you know that, so you use it against me. I get it. You’re scared to commit. Hell, Jana, I’m scared to commit.”

She wasn’t about to deny that. “Then why are you pushing for me to?”

“Because every time I look at you I want more of you. I want to understand why you do things, whether it’s boxing or dancing, crying, or dressing like you did last night and singing your heart out onstage. I want to hold you in my arms at night after making love to you so many times you can’t return the favor.” A relieved smile spread his lips, like the words had been trapped inside too long. “Then I want to wake up in the morning and take you again. I want to bear the brunt of your stubbornness and your tenderness. I want to listen to your dreams and help them come true. I want it all with you, and I’ve never wanted that before.”

Jana was sure her heart had stopped beating. That had to be it. She was dead.

He touched her cheek and her stomach flipped. Nope. Not dead.

She took her hand from his and turned to face the yard, unable to think, much less speak.

“You’re not going to ignore me, Jana. Not after everything I just said. Do you think that was easy for me?” The restraint in his voice was like a living thing between them.

She forced herself to respond. “No,” she whispered.

He waited in silence for more. She waited in silence, too, because she was having trouble processing what he’d said, what he wanted. She wanted to be the girl who could say she wanted that, too, but panic spread through her chest like wildfire, trapping her words inside.

“So that’s it? You’ve got nothing to say?” Hunter rose to his feet, and her stomach took a nosedive, reminding her of how she felt when she’d thought he’d left only moments earlier.

Panic brought her to her feet, too, and the truth poured out. “No. I have things to say. I’m not scared, Hunter. I’m petrified. I don’t know how to be a girlfriend, and right now I can’t even commit to getting my life in order. How can I possibly commit to you? And you…You’re as much of a non-committer as I’ve always been. What makes you think we can work? I’ve never been a good girlfriend, not even when I was in high school and it was the thing to do.”

Her voice softened as she admitted what he’d already known, but somehow saying it made her see it more clearly, and she didn’t feel as proud of herself as she always had for being an independent woman.

His jaw tightened. “How many guys have you slept with in the past six months?”

“What?” She shook her head, trying to think of dates and months, and even though she couldn’t grasp the concept of time while her heart was racing and her palms were sweating, it didn’t take long for the truth to become clear.

“How many, Jana?” He closed the distance between them. “Because yeah, I was the biggest fucking player there was, but in the last few months I haven’t slept with anyone but you. Not once. Not one fucking kiss.”

Her jaw dropped.

He shrugged, and the tension in his muscles drained away right before her eyes. “It’s true. There’s only been you, pretty girl.”

She looked down at his hand as he reached for hers and brought it to his lips. “And I’ve never called a single woman a nickname, and with you, it just comes out.” He stepped closer, their bodies touching from thigh to chest. “And I’ve sure as hell never asked anyone but you to tell me she wanted me. Do you know why?”

The blood was rushing through her ears so fast it took all of her focus to shake her head.

He cupped her cheeks, stroking her skin with his thumb as he gazed into her eyes with so much emotion there was no way it was anything short of real.

“Because I never cared. Until you.”





Chapter Nineteen


FEAR. THAT’S WHAT Hunter saw in Jana’s eyes as he waited for her to respond. Every silent second felt like an eternity. He didn’t dare rush her, for fear of her running away. He’d been a runner, too, but he was done with that, and he hoped to crack her walls enough that she’d consider being done, too.

“You’re so sure of it all…” Jana said so quietly he almost didn’t hear her. “It’s like you have all the answers.”

Love isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about not caring if you don’t, because what happiness really comes down to is knowing that you don’t need answers if your heart is full of the person you cherish most. As his mother’s words came back to him, the ache of missing her settled into Hunter’s bones. He thought about her often and missed the comfort of knowing she would always smile when she saw him, no matter what he’d done the night before. She’d open her arms and wrap him in unconditional love, and he’d probably soaked that up more than he’d deserved. Now it was his mother’s words that confirmed what his heart had already known.

“I don’t have all the answers. But I have the only one I need.” Hunter wasn’t good at deciphering Jana’s silence. He knew she wasn’t going to commit to him easily. Hell, she wouldn’t even tell him she wanted him when they were naked and it was written in the blush on her skin.

A warning voice whispered through his mind, reminding him that he was laying his heart out for her to step on. Jana wasn’t a dainty stepper. That smart mouth of hers knew how to trample. But he’d come this far. He wasn’t about to be deterred.

“Maybe I’m reading us wrong,” he finally said. “Maybe you don’t want me the way I thought you did, but it doesn’t change what I feel for you.”

Jana tugged on a lock of hair. Her face clouded with uneasiness, and he feared he’d pushed too hard.

“I…” she stammered, and a second later she found her voice. “I haven’t been with anyone else either, in several months.”

He couldn’t stop the smile tugging at his lips as relief nearly bowled him over.

She took a tentative step closer, and her vulnerability made his knees weak. With her bare feet, the top of her head didn’t even reach his chin, making her seem even smaller and more fragile.

She gazed up at him with a mixture of hope and worry in her beautiful eyes. “What if we don’t work?”

“What if we do?” he countered.

A soft laugh escaped her lips, and it was a magnificent sound.

“I’m being serious, Hunter. We’re good at…hookups. What if we aren’t good at something more?”

“Then we go back to hooking up.” How else could he answer? He didn’t believe they wouldn’t be good together, but he didn’t want the idea of their not being a them in her head.

“So, what exactly is it that you want from me?”

He arched a brow, biting back sexual innuendos. She laughed, and it shot straight to his heart.

“God. You’re impossible,” she said. “You know what I mean.”

“I want to spend today together. I want to talk about your studio.” If he wanted this to work—and man, did he ever—it was time for him to come clean and let her know what he already knew.

“When Sky dropped off your purse, she told me that you didn’t get the space at Seaside. I want to talk about that, and other things.” It was no wonder she’d dressed and acted like she had last night. She must have been heartbroken when she found out she had lost the space at Seaside, and if there was one thing he knew about Jana, it was that emotions scared her.

She nodded. “And this?” She waved her finger between them. “What do you want with regard to us?”

He didn’t hesitate as he pulled her against him—hoping she wouldn’t pull away and not spend the day with him. “I want there to be an us. A commitment. You see only me, and I’ll see only you.”

She rolled her eyes, but he knew it was a defense mechanism. “You want to win. To hear me say I want you.”

Of course he wanted to hear that. What man wouldn’t? What she didn’t realize was that winning, to Hunter, meant having Jana all to himself.

“No. You don’t have to tell me you want me. Just tell me you’ll only be with me.”