Sea of Love(48)

“But, Lacy, something could happen to anyone,” Danica reminded her. “Look at Blake’s partner. He died in a skiing accident. Something could happen walking across the street.”

“I know, but still. I can’t change my life to be with him, no matter how much I love him, knowing that I could end up losing him any day that he went to work. Sheila told me how hard it was to be married to Rob because of what they do. She worried every day. Then her kids began worrying. You know that every day you love someone you just love them more—and I love him so much already.”

“I know you do,” Kaylie said. “It’s written all over your face, like a crack that says, Fix me. Please get Dane to fix me.”

“How can I go into a relationship knowing I’d be tortured every day with worry? It seems unhealthy at the least, and unfair, and…I don’t know. Danica, don’t you have any support for me here?” Please tell me what to do.

Danica sighed. “Lacy, honey, I can’t tell you what to do. You have valid concerns, and you’re right. You’ll probably worry every day. Every job has risks. Granted his is riskier than most, but still. Women marry police officers and firefighters all the time.”

“Seeing Sheila mourning her husband as he lay there in the hospital bed—”

“I know it was difficult, but he lived, Lacy. He’s okay,” Danica said.

“This time,” Lacy said. “I don’t think I can do it.” And Dane doesn’t want to. “Especially now that I can’t deny how unsafe his job really is.” She touched her thigh. “He asked me to leave,” she whispered.

“He…You were both in shock. I’m sure he didn’t mean it,” Danica said.

“Maybe you should go talk to him, Lace,” Kaylie suggested.

“I can’t. If I see him, I’ll see Rob and then I’ll see Sheila falling apart and wondering how she’ll survive. And then the kids’ little faces. You should have seen how scared they were when we arrived at the hospital,” Lacy said.

“Everyone goes through scary trips to the hospital at some point,” Danica said.

“And kids are resilient. His kids won’t even remember this in two years. It’ll be like a bad dream,” Kaylie said.

“Maybe not, but Sheila will, and I know I will. If I see Dane, I’ll beg him to take me back, and what happens if next time it’s him in that hospital bed? What then?” She swiped at her tears. “You think I should give up my whole life for a guy I might lose because he’s got some stupid idea about saving sharks?”

“Lacy, calm down,” Danica said.

Kaylie shot her a look. “You don’t tell a woman who’s upset to calm down.” She put her hand on Lacy’s shoulder. “Honey, love comes with worries, no matter what job a person has. And it’s scary and all consuming at times, but if you love him that much, isn’t it worth it?”

Lacy couldn’t think past her pain again. Worth it? How could anything be worth losing the person you love? She looked at her sisters, and for the first time since the accident, Lacy felt sure of one thing. “I want to go home.”





Chapter Thirty-Two


DANE FLEW THROUGH the ICU doors twenty minutes after receiving the message from Sheila. He shouldn’t have turned off his phone, but his family’s incessant calls were driving him mad. He’d turned the phone on for only a minute, to call the hospital, when his messages rolled through. Seven from his family and one from Sheila. He entered Rob’s room out of breath and unprepared to see the tube still down his best friend’s throat.

“I thought…?” Dane fumbled for words.

“He needs the tube until his lungs recover,” Sheila said.

Rob lifted his sleepy eyes and met Dane’s. Tears spilled down Dane’s cheeks. He leaned over, and with one arm on each of Rob’s thick shoulders, careful not to knock the tubes and wires that snaked Rob’s body, Dane put his face against Rob’s healthy cheek. He needed to feel Rob against him, and he wanted Rob to feel what was left of his strength and to draw from it whatever he needed.

“I missed…” Sobs swallowed Dane’s voice. “You scared the shit out of me.”

Rob pointed to a notebook in Sheila’s hands. She handed it to him, and Rob fumbled to grip the pen, then dragged it across the paper slowly. His hand shook as he passed the pad to Dane.

Did they tag her?

Dane laughed and wiped a tear from his cheek. “You crazy bastard. You scared the shit out of me. No, they didn’t tag her. We were too busy saving your ass.” Dane wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry, man. I shouldn’t have let you go down. It was selfish and stupid.”

Rob wrote something on the pad again and handed it back to Dane.

You couldn’t have stopped me.

“I’m still younger than you. I could have stopped you,” Dane said, but he knew that he couldn’t have stopped Rob any more than Rob would have been able to stop him if the tables were turned. “None of it matters. I’m just glad you pulled through. I’ve got you covered. Anything you need. You know I’m here.”

Rob nodded.

“Sheila,” Dane began, but words evaded him.

She came around the bed and embraced him. “You had a good run,” she whispered.

Their last dive together would haunt Dane forever. It was the defining moment that shaped his decision to move on alone.

“I backed out of this assignment and the next one. Now that Rob’s doing better, I’m gonna sail Treat’s boat back to Wellfleet; then I’m taking off for a bit,” Dane explained.

“Where will you go?” Sheila asked.

Dane shrugged. He’d sent Lacy away so he could continue his career without the possibility of her getting hurt, but knowing she was no longer a part of his life crushed his passion to continue and hindered his ability to function. “Florida to start, to get my boat. After that, I’m not sure.”

Rob pulled his sleeve and pointed to the notebook. Dane handed it to him and Rob wrote, Lacy?

Dane ran his hand over his face, gathering the strength to say aloud the painful truth. He couldn’t do it. Instead, he shook his head.

Rob wrote, Because of me?

“No, Rob. It’s because of me.” It’s my career choice. My risk. My selfish need to do what I want to do and my desire to protect her from getting hurt, no matter how much it hurts me.





Chapter Thirty-Three


BACK AT WORLD GEOGRAPHIC, Lacy moved through her days like an automaton. Fred advised her of the hold that Dane had put on their assignment, and Lacy explained that if he requested that she run the program in the future, she respectfully declined. She kept in touch with Sheila and learned that Rob would be going home in a few days. The kids were elated, and Sheila was beyond thrilled, although worried about what Rob’s career change might mean for the family. She didn’t want him going back on the boat, but she knew he would never be happy working a typical land-based job. Lacy hadn’t thought about Rob’s love of the sea, much like she hadn’t thought about Dane’s love of his job in that way. Hearing Sheila talk about the sea as if it were Rob’s lover made Lacy realize why Dane could never give up his chosen career. If the sea was Rob’s lover, it was Dane’s lifeblood.

She’d had a lot of time to think in the week since the accident, and once the ache of Rob’s scare eased, the loss of Dane took over. She’d thrown herself back into work, and even now, as she tried to form a strategic plan for one client and a marketing concept for another, her mind waded back through that thick fog of pain to the memories of her and Dane together.

Dane hadn’t called her and she hadn’t reached out to him, although every night before bed she’d turned on Skype and set her cell phone by her bed, just in case. She longed to hear his voice, but each time she thought about calling him, she remembered Sheila standing at Rob’s bedside, not knowing if he’d live or die. That was enough to keep her from punching in his speed dial number.

“Can I see you for a minute, Lacy?” Fred asked from her office doorway.

“Sure, of course. Come in.”

Fred closed the door behind him and sat across from her desk.

“Lacy, were you there when Rob had his accident?” Fred asked.

“No. I wasn’t on the boat with them, if that’s what you’re asking,” she said.

He nodded. “And did you get really close to him while you were there?”

Lacy narrowed her eyes. “Rob? Not really close, but we became friends. We had dinner together. I spent time with his wife and children. Actually, yes, I guess I would say we were close.”

“Do you need some time off? I know you said you didn’t want any time off originally, but I’ve noticed your work hasn’t been up to your usual high standard.”

Lacy saw the worry in Fred’s serious gaze and the way he leaned forward when he brought up her quality of work, like he was saying something even he didn’t what to hear.

Yes. I’d like a lifetime off. I want to disappear and never have to think again. Or feel. Or be. “I’m sorry, Fred. I know my work hasn’t been up to par, and I promise to do better, but I don’t want time off. I need to keep my mind occupied.”